Hi welcome to my latest blog. This one is going to be a bit of a mixed back, as a couple of things have cropped up this week in various forums that I’m involved in. One of the big topics these past few weeks was that I should not be offering Free consultations, as I am giving away Free time in which I could be seeing a paid client. Now I don’t disagree with that comment but for me I offer a free consultation to my clients because it allows us to meet and they can ask any questions or worries that they may have. However a lot of hypnotherapists say that I’m mad to give away my time for free. I see the time as an investment in the client. In that half hour or sometimes an hour we form a bond. They need to trust me and I use that time to sell me as a person. I’m very lucky I have a 97% conversion rate of consultations to sessions ratio and when the client comes back I’m usually greeted by “I’m looking forward to this” or “I’m excited for this” so they are ready to start their next chapter. To the best of my knowledge I have never ever lost a paying client because I was too busy with at a free consultation. However someone who comes to a session without the consultation, doesn’t know what to expect, is still feeling nervous and still has unanswered questions.
This is just my view and how I like to work. The client is always the most important thing and whatever suits them is fine with me. However I have updated the FAQs on my site along with the Working with me page which will answer so may more questions.
I would like some feedback, if you have the time. Would you rather go in raw to me a therapist? or meet at a more relaxed consultation and have an informal chat where you can ask anything and also learn what the therapist can do for you. Let me know your views please.
Now moving on (I did say it’s a mixed bag this week) On my Facebook page this month I’m offering Free yes Free tips 🙂 to help you become more confident. You can also find tips in my paperback book ‘Can I change’ Plug plug. but what is confidence and why do we need it?
In the purest sense, confidence is knowing what you’re good at, the value you provide, and acting in a way that conveys that to others. Contrast this with arrogance which typically involves believing you are better in a particular area than you are, or low self-esteem which involves believing you’re less valuable than you think. The closer your self-assessment is to that reality in the middle, and the more you behave accordingly, the closer you are to displaying healthy confidence.
Why does this definition matter? Because if you want to raise your confidence to a level that helps (rather than harms) you, it’s important to know what you’re aiming for. Blindly thinking positive won’t necessarily help.
What Does it Matter?
Confidence is one of those traits that can become an ideal that we all think is good, but ask us to point to the specific reasons why anyone should want it and we can only point to vague hypotheticals. Fortunately, science has our back. Here are just a few ways that tangibly improving your own self-confidence manifests in real world benefits:
A study published by the International Journal of Cosmetic Science showed that giving men some cologne improved their confidence enough to be rated as visibly more attractive in photographs. Similarly, researchers at Webster University found something as simple as a confident, direct smile from a woman was enough to catch the attention of a potential date.
The importance of confidence in romantic relationships doesn’t end at the dating phase, either. Research published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that men in particular can have a tendency to feel worse about themselves or their relationship when their partner has a higher level of success. Of course, the moral there shouldn’t be that women should succeed less, but rather that, in those situations, men must work harder on improving their own confidence level.
Confidence Early In Life Can Mean Upwards Mobility at Work
It shouldn’t be a surprise that being more confident at work can mean more promotions. However, a pilot study found some correlation between confidence levels as early as primary school and success in the workplace as adults.
This doesn’t just apply to the workplace, either. Another study showed that students who received some expression of confidence in their ability—even while receiving criticism—performed better later on than those who were simply told to aim for higher standards.
Even Being Overly Confident Has Its Benefits
The University of Edinburgh found that in a standoff over a particular resource, unless you were sure you’d lose the fight, and as long as what you’re fighting for had value, being overconfident was most often to result in success. Even if you weren’t right, being confident can help you get what you want.
The Real Things You Can Actually Do to Improve Confidence
It takes a minute to understand the difference between confidence and arrogance. If you have a confidence problem, what can you actually do about it? “Be better,” isn’t practical advice, so what can you do to practice?
Work out: The effects of working out on your confidence are so overwhelming that it can’t be understated. When you exercise, your body releases a cocktail of endorphins that make you feel pretty good as is. When you’re done, you have tangible proof that you’ve done something constructive and everything in your body is programmed to second that response. If you keep at it long-term, the results of a healthier body become more and more visible.
Research how to dress better: If you’ve never taken steps to assess and improve your wardrobe, you may not realise the dramatic effect it can have on your confidence level. Everything from the style of your shirts to the colour of your glasses frames affects how people view you. When how you appear is in sync with how you want people to view you, confidence can easily follow.
Learn power poses: Much of how our mind works can be affected by what our body is doing. Research shows that standing in certain positions—such as with outstretched arms or fists in the air—can increase testosterone levels and help us feel more confident.
Fix things you don’t like about yourself: As much as might hurt to say, sometimes the problem isn’t your attitude or your emotions. Sometimes you need to change some things. This doesn’t have to mean you’re a bad person or not good at things, but it does mean that if you want to be more confident in a particular area, the best way to do so is to get better. Feel crappy because you can’t play the guitar? Practice. Do conversations about politics or economics make you feel unintelligent? Read up about it. Ask for help, even. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you don’t know something, but pretending you do when you don’t won’t help your confidence.
Until next time. I wish you all the very best. Have a great week.