How do we know if we are confident?

If you like to listen rather than read. please click above.
Are you confident?

We know that when we feel confident it is a great state to be in; we trust ourselves to handle whatever is going to occur and we believe we have the abilities to handle what is ahead of us. We feel relaxed; we tend to go with the flow, and we respond naturally to those around us.

Because inner confidence tends to be reflected in how we look and sound, others can also spot when someone is truly confident and at one with themselves.

However, being confident is not enough. Just because we are confident it does not necessarily mean we will naturally connect with others. This depends on your interpersonal skills and your ability to build rapport with others. So, having confidence does not necessarily lead to charisma and an ability to influence others.

How is it related to self esteem?

People can lack confidence, but still have a sense of self worth and high self esteem. Self worth is about whether we feel worthy of happiness, success and the trust and love of others. Low self esteem can go hand in hand with a lack of confidence, but this is not always the case.

What’s the relationship between confidence and charisma?

Charisma is usually described as the ability to inspire others and to draw interest and affection from them, based on the ability to influence others through personal charm. Some politicians and business leaders are described as charismatic. True charisma is genuine, resulting from a genuine interest and liking for others, as distinct from someone who tries to manipulate the situation by turning on the charm.

Are you just born confident?

Is confidence genetic? Can it disappear? Can you develop it later in life?

It can often seem that some people are just born confident. From a very young age, they are happy to explore new environments, interact with new people and try out new activities. Those who are not like this can feel that confidence is totally down to nature and genes, and there is nothing they can do about it.

However, many people who were less than confident when young subsequently develop into confident adults. Also, people who are confident most of the time can suddenly lack confidence in certain situations. So it is not just something we inherit or that is static and about which you can’t do anything.

Therefore, although some people might start off life appearing or even being more confident than others, this does not mean that the rest of us can’t and won’t become more confident in time.

The first step is to make sure you are not undermining your own confidence. Our inner dialogue can have a huge impact on how confident we feel, so there are some exercises in this e-book to help you to explore your self talk.

Developing your understanding of what helps or hinders you in feeling confident will assist you in knowing when and where to take action to boost your confidence.

There are also simple techniques that you can use to boost your confidence, especially if there are certain situations that tend to unsettle you. Using these techniques over a period of time will result in you becoming a much more confident person.

Are you too confident?

Can you become too confident?

We can probably all think of someone who is overly confident, perhaps even being unbearably arrogant or overestimating their own abilities, with resulting mistakes. You can also probably think of some individuals who are so lacking in confidence that you never get to hear what they think, so they don’t seem to contribute anything to the situation or they never stop worrying about things. It certainly appears that too much or too little confidence can have a negative impact on someone’s ability to work effectively.

It is important for us to have confidence in our ability to do tasks and undertake activities if we are to succeed. However, if we become complacent, thinking ‘I’ve done this a thousand times before and it will be fine’, we can become slipshod and not take care over what we are doing. It is therefore useful to learn how to be confident in yourself and your abilities, while still keeping on your toes and not taking it for granted that success will just happen without you making any effort or taking care.

Being appropriately confident

However, you will also know people who are very confident and wonderful to work with. They listen to others’ ideas; they support and encourage others; they celebrate other people’s successes and so on. So what is it that makes a difference and stops them from being arrogant and walking all over others? It is likely to be a mixture of many different things and will vary from individual to individual, but it might include some of the following:

  • Their personality type might mean they have an interest in other people, a natural leaning towards supporting others, building connections and relationships
  • They have a sense of humility about their own strengths and successes, which means they can celebrate these without becoming overbearing and big headed
  • They possess a genuine desire to help others realise their own potential
  • They recognise that success comes through people working together, not through competitive and uncooperative behaviour.

Can you act or seem confident even if you are not?

A lot of people get through life appearing confident, when inside they feel like a nervous wreck! However, this is not an enjoyable way of life and not the most effective way of being and working, because it can mean some or all of the following:

  • You over-prepare because you worry so much about things going wrong
  • You lose sleep the night before big presentations, meetings and so on, which means you are not on top form the next day
  • You hold back from putting forward your ideas because you think they are not valid
  • You hold back from going for promotion or a new job or your dreams because you don’t think you are good enough
  • You over-analyse situations that happen, rather than trusting your inner wisdom
  • You fail to learn from mistakes because you spend so much time beating yourself up and feeling guilty
  • You try and control things outside yourself, because you don’t feel in control of yourself
  • You are nervous of delegating as you don’t trust others and are fearful of things going wrong
  • You don’t challenge others and you doubt that your opinion counts or is right.
  • Therefore, although you can get away with it for some time, acting confident without feeling that way is not a comfortable or helpful place to be.
Be true to yourself.

It seems that just trying to appear confident does not necessarily breed true confidence. There are plenty of people who have done lots of presentations, managed people or been driving for years, but who still worry about it and are not confident in their ability to do these activities successfully.

Confidence comes from within. It is about how you think about yourself and the world around you and the impact that this has on how you feel, which in turn affects your behaviour. However much you work on appearing confident, it is therefore not going to change unless you change what is happening on the inside – how you feel. People who lack confidence but still have successes will often discount these, so they don’t end up feeling successful or more confident in their own abilities.

This blog is extracts from my e-book that you get when you sign up for one of my packages. Message me if you would like more details.

best wishes

Remember IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU.

Until next time.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.

Jon

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon. and 100 days in isolation. A collection of funny original images of one mans decent into comic madness during lockdown

Find me on You TubeFacebookInstagram. and now TikTok.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel

Audio Version of this blog

So, this Monday April 12th we take another step closer to coming out of lockdown. It’s been over a year now and what have we learned? Well, on a personal level I have learnt that I miss interaction with people, a hug, a handshake, things that we took for granted but were suddenly taken away from us. What did you miss?

What changes did you make during lockdown? I don’t mean decorating or moving furniture around, what I mean is did you make changes in you? Did you enter lock down as one person, but will leave a different person, perhaps a better person, perhaps a more confident person. Did you do anything too improve yourself? Or will it all be exactly the same?  Having been stuck inside for so long, I’ve had people contact me saying that they don’t like the person they’ve become, they don’t like some of the habits that they’ve got into, they have started some bad patterns of behaviour, some of the new routines just won’t work when they get back to normal, whatever normal is.

Hurtful words on Social Media

This locked down bought out the best and the worst in some people. People who rarely commented on social media, suddenly found themselves arguing with total strangers, mainly down to frustration. On different social media platforms, a lot of hate was shown towards people who didn’t deserve it. Again, I can only think that these hurtful remarks were made because people were bored of their own company. However, it wasn’t all bad, neighbours helped each other more, people suddenly started walking more and becoming fitter, some people started to appreciate a lot of the workers that we overlook on a day-to-day basis retail staff, cleaners, porters, Bin men, postman etc etc. People who do their job day in, day out with very little recognition.

Did you do anything to improve your quality of life? Did you read more? Did you play with the children more? did you create memories? Perhaps, you took an online course and improved your own mind. What did you do that has made you feel better about yourself? If the answer is nothing, then there is still time. Time to improve you, time to break those patterns of behaviour, time to unlearn some of those bad habits and you can still leave this lockdown a happier stronger person.

As the saying goes, nothing changes if you don’t change.

Make a list

So, it’s time for honesty, go grab yourself a pen and a notepad. I want you to make two lists. Put a line down the middle of the page and on the left-hand column I want you to write a heading. Things I don’t like about me, on the right column put a heading things I love about me. now, this is where you have got to be really honest with yourself, I want you to take some time now writing in those columns, and I want you to be really honest with yourself, perhaps you moan too much, perhaps you’re an overthinker, perhaps you worry too much, perhaps you always look for the negatives in life. Look at your appearance, perhaps you don’t like your hair, perhaps you may be a little overweight, you might not even like your dress sense. Keep going, be brutally honest, this list is just for you. Now, add to the I love column. What do you love about you? Perhaps you make people laugh, perhaps you’re a great mum or dad, perhaps you eat healthy, you look after yourself, you like being around people and people like being around you. Now remember lots of people have trouble filling in this column, they don’t like to give themselves credit, they don’t see what other people see in them, but just step back look at the things that you have achieved, look at the difference that you have made in people’s lives, see what others see in you.

Now when you have completed those lists, I want you to start working on yourself, because all those things in that left column can be changed. If it’s your appearance, change it, update your wardrobe, change your makeup, try your hair in a different style there is so much that you can do. If it’s the way you think, change that, flip those negative thoughts look for the positives in the situation, stop worrying about things that you can’t control, stop overthinking. stop for a moment now, think about things that you have overthought in the past, now realise just how many things that you overthought actually came true. Hardly any I bet. Over thinking only affects you, if you can’t control it don’t worry about it, if it’s not your problem don’t worry about it, and don’t overthink. If you can’t control it, you can’t do a thing about it and no amount of worrying or overthinking is going to change it. now back to the list. What else could you change about you in that left column?

Sometimes we just need to take a good hard look at ourselves, stop blaming others and realise that we are not perfect. As I say to a lot of my clients it all starts with you. Think about it, if you met you at a party (when we can go) would you like you? Makes you think doesn’t it.

Now turn the page in your notebook and put the heading, gratitude list. Now, stay with me on this, because four years ago I would have said this was all la, la and tree huggy rubbish, however since I started my therapy business I start and end my day telling myself three things that I am grateful for, even the things that we just take for granted, things like clean sheets on the bed, the car on the drive, electricity to the house, the roof over my head the running water etc, etc. Everyday things that we just take for granted. To give you an idea here are just some of the things that I am grateful for, my adoption, my parents, my upbringing, my family, my health, my night’s sleep, my business. Do you get the idea? By writing these things down it makes you realise what you really have in life. My gratitude list grows as I start to see things form a different perspective and yours will too.

Find the good in you.

If any of this blog has made you think more positively about yourself, then I’m pleased. However, if you have found that your list of things that you don’t like about you it’s far too long, then ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of strength and change can come easy with the correct help.

Another advantage of this lockdown is that I have been working more and more online via Zoom, which means, it doesn’t matter where in the world you are, help is available. If you want to discuss anything that I’ve mentioned in this blog or would like to know more about how I our or a colleague could help you please feel free to drop me a message.

You look after yourself and take care

New this month. This blog is available as an audio (MP3) Let me know what you think or what you prefer.

best wishes

Remember IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU.

Until next time.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.

Jon

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon. and 100 days in isolation. A collection of funny original images of one mans decent into comic madness during lockdown

Find me on You TubeFacebookInstagram. and now TikTok.

The road is open.

So here in the UK we are starting to prepare to come out of lockdown. It will be a gradual process but at least there is now light at the end of the tunnel. So what can you do to help yourself going forward? Well for a year now life has not been as we knew it, and you may have created some new bad habits or patterns of behaviour that you need to leave in lockdown. Sorry to break this news to you but once out of lockdown you won’t be able to live in your pyjamas every day. Or return to work in your joggers, (unless of course you work in a gym, I will let you off) So one thing you may need to do is try on some of your regular clothes, because sadly they may not fit. Yep pj’s and joggers are very lenient on a bit of weight loss, but your favourite blouse, shirt, skirt or trousers are not so understanding.

Whoops!


Oh no! you gained a bit of weight; how did that happen? Well, you started comfort eating or you ate more because you were bored or stressed. It happens and in no way am I judging you. You unintentionally created new patterns of behaviour or bad habits. And now because of the length of time that we have been in lockdown, those patterns of behaviour or bad habits have now become embedded. Experts say that once you do something regularly for 21 days or more, it becomes a habit, it becomes your new way.
I mentioned weight above but of course it could be anything. For example, perhaps you have got into a habit of wine o clock. Or you have started to become a negative thinker because you are spending a huge chunk of your day scrolling through social media reading negative comments or joining in petty bickering on a person’s point of view. If you have done any of these, you will know they are unhealthy to your body and your mind. However, don’t panic. You are not a lost cause.

Don’t give up.


Now in the UK we have another month before the hairdressers, nail bars, tanning salons etc etc open. Once they open You can get your hair done, your nails sorted even get a tan to feel like you have been away. You will start to feel good on the outside. Admittedly a truly short lived feelgood moment but you will feelgood. Feeling good on the outside is only part of the reinvention of you. You need to start feeling good on the inside. Changing the way, you think and act. Letting go of thoughts, emotions, memories in fact anything that no longer serves you.
Now is the time to make the changes that you want. If the old ways weren’t working for you. Make the change. As I’ve said in many of my posts and blogs. IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU.


So we have a few weeks before you can feel good on the outside, so what can we do to feel good on the inside? That is where me or many of my talented friends and colleagues come in. We can, in a space of a few short weeks unlearn those unhealthy patterns of behaviour and bad habits. We can, help if you need to lose weight by changing your relationship with food. We can, take that desire away for that glass/bottle of wine every night. We can, help you rediscover that confidence that you may feel is lacking. There are so many ways that you could use this time to emerge from this lockdown a stronger, happier even healthier person.

Ready to leave the cocoon?


If the old ways were not working for you. CHANGE THEM. If you keep reading the same chapter your life isn’t going to change. Let’s rewrite the new chapter. Think of this lockdown as a time in a cocoon and now you are preparing to leave with a whole new attitude, a self-belief a self-worth that had got buried deep inside you. Let me or someone like me help you to flourish.
It’s easier than you think. Contact me for a free consultation or go to my booking page and start the ball rolling.
ARE YOU READY TO FEEL GOOD ON THE INSIDE AS WELL AS THE OUTSIDE?

Remember IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU.

Until next time.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.

Jon

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon. and 100 days in isolation. A collection of funny original images of one mans decent into comic madness during lockdown

Find me on You TubeFacebookInstagram. and now TikTok.

Are you ready to leave lockdown?

It’s been a long time coming, but after yesterday’s announcement (Monday 22nd February), it looks like that light at the end of the tunnel is finally shining bright. So, are you ready to face the world again? These lockdowns have changed a lot of people some for better, some for worse. Which category would you fall into?

Many people have been silently suffering for many reasons. The isolation has put strains on marriages, relationships with their own children, and pressure on themselves. I have had many people come to me realising that they need to change. They realise that the way they were, going into lockdown is not the way they want to leave it.

We all have traits that we don’t like about ourselves, some are so small that nobody notices. However, some are so visible that people can, and will decide whether they want to get to know you. It is those traits, habits, patterns of behaviour, that people notice and then make decisions about you. Let’s be honest, if you don’t like these things about you, how can you expect others to accept them? Those ways, those habits, those traits can change, you must realise, you wasn’t always this way. Many of our bad habits, or learned behaviours, come maybe from our parents, our siblings, our peers, but if they are learned behaviours, we can unlearn them, it is never too late to change, and if over these periods of lockdown, You have seen sides of you that you don’t like, well now is the time to do something about it. IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU.

It all starts with you.

So what is it that you would like to change? If it’s your appearance, change it get a new hairdo, lose weight, do your makeup different. Is it the way you think about yourself? The first thing you need to do is accept yourself as you are now, and then change the things that you don’t like. However if there are things about you that you feel have changed over the years like losing confidence, perhaps losing that self-worth, or having no self esteem. Well those things are still inside of you, they have just got buried over the years and perhaps you even forgot that you even had them.

What hypnotherapy can do is allow these emotions those feelings, those old ways back to the surface, back where they belong. When I have clients come to me because of lack of confidence, self-worth or self-esteem one question I asked him is can they remember a time when they were in control? A time when they had confidence, self-esteem , self-worth a time when they felt happy, happy on the inside and on the outside. So many of my clients find that hard to answer, it’s in them, but it is so deeply buried they just can’t find it. Their feelings for themselves is so low, that they feel they are unworthy of happiness, they don’t deserve to have felt good so they chose to bury it.

We all have a time in our life when we felt good, in control happy, It doesn’t matter what upbringing you had, you always had a time just for yourself. It may be when you was playing in the garden with your toys in your own imaginary world, it may be the time that you was picked for a part in the school play, you had confidence when you went for that first job interview, you had the self-belief when you did things out of your comfort zone, perhaps driving lessons, perhaps you challenged yourself to do a sponsored anything that challenged you. When you chose to do those things you had the confidence the self-belief and if you had it then you can have it now.

We have all been happy at some point.

Why shouldn’t you be happy, loved, successful or whatever it is that you desire. There is no reason why, it all starts with you hypnotherapy can help you release those feelings, put down, hurt, guilt, emotions and thoughts that are holding you back. I specialise in content free hypnotherapy, which means you don’t even need to know what is causing your problems. Many people come to me with an issue that isn’t the issue. So many memories, insults, put downs are burried to protect us , but they are there and over the years those voices that put them there become our voice and we start to believe them. It’s time to let that inner voice know who is in control. Remember it all starts with you.

If you went into these lockdowns hiding behind a mask and I don’t mean the medical ones I mean the one that you put on every morning and you take off every night. Why not use these remaining weeks to regain that inner strength , that inner confidence, that self-belief. Search for that inner happiness, and then look at what you have achieved. Stop focusing on the negative things in your life and realise now just how far you have come and what you have achieved.

I work not only face to face but online via Zoom, so it doesn’t matter where you are in the world I can help, and if I can’t help I will know someone that can. So no more excuses make the change that you want that you need, you will be pleasantly surprised how easy it is and how quick you feel those changes. Look up my testimonial page see how I have helped others, and I know that you may be skeptical and because of that I offer a free consultation where we just chat and you can ask whatever questions you like and I will be happy to answer tell you how I can help. Use these remaining few weeks for you, let some good come out of this pandemic so that you have the strength the confidence the self belief for the new normal.

Remember IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU.

Until next time.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.

Jon

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon. and 100 days in isolation. A collection of funny original images of one mans decent into comic madness during lockdown

Find me on You TubeFacebookInstagram. and now TikTok.

What can I do for you?

As this pandemic rolls on and we are asked to stay in or work from home, I fully understand these advisories and I ask everyone to do what they can to help us all get back to normal, whatever that will be. However what we don’t see is the mental damage that staying in or working from home can do or is doing to so many people. Many Mums are struggling with home schooling, many couples are not enjoying being confined to the house with the same person, tempers are flaring, anxieties are raising, stress levels are going through the roof and depression is setting in fast.

It really doesn’t have to be that way.

Many therapists are still working and we are here to help you through this period. Many say I can’t afford it….Hang on we haven’t been out for months, so no new shoes or outfits, no new nails or hairstyles, Think of the money you have saved on meals out, or nights down the pub. It soon all adds up. How about spending that money on YOU, and your wellbeing.

Some say, but we can’t go out… Well that’s true to an extent. A visit to a therapist for a mental health issue is totally acceptable. any open therapist will be Covid compliant, we have to be to meet out insurance needs. Also most of us are happy to work online, so you don’t even have to leave your home. There is always a way.

Don’t suffer any longer that you have to.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Now you may not have considered hypnotherapy as a solution to your issues, so I’m going to share with you what I and many therapists can help you with. Some of this information that I’m going to share with you comes from other reputable therapists, but I will assure you that I would never ever take on a client that I felt I would not be able to help. If I can’t help you I will find someone who can.

The way hypnosis is shown in the media may make it seem like it’s just for fun, but there’s more to hypnosis than its entertainment factor. In fact, hypnosis can benefit your health and well-being.

In healthcare, hypnosis can be used as a psychological treatment to help you experience changes in sensations, perceptions, thoughts, or behaviors. It’s done in a clinical setting and performed by a fully trained healthcare professional. Hypnotherapy, which is the form of therapy that uses hypnosis as either a standalone or supplemental treatment — can benefit your health in a variety of ways.

Anxiety

Relaxation techniques — including hypnosis — can ease and in some case remove anxiety. Hypnosis may also be able to help if you struggle with a phobia — a type of anxiety disorder where you are intensely fearful of something that does not pose a significant threat.

How it works: Hypnosis works to help anxiety by encouraging your body to activate its natural relaxation response through the use of a phrase or nonverbal cue, slowing breathing, lowering blood pressure, and instilling an overall sense of well-being.

Time to leave the dark past behind.

Chronic Pain

Hypnosis can help with pain — like what’s experienced after surgery or from migraines or tension headaches. And it can help with chronic pain, too. People with pain related to conditions like arthritis, cancer, and fibromyalgia, — as well as people who have lower-back pain — may experience relief from hypnosis.

How it works: Hypnosis can help you cope with pain and gain more self-control over your pain. Additionally, studies indicate that hypnosis can do this effectively for long periods of time.

Confidence and self-esteem

Hypnotherapy can help some people improve their self-confidence and self-esteem. By accessing your unconscious mind, or inner voice, a hypnotherapist can help you start to take control about how you are feeling about yourself, working with you to discover what may have caused you to develop low-confidence, and helping you to feel more confident.

How it works. Whilst in a relaxed state a hypnotherapist will communicate with your unconscious, using questions and suggestive statements to challenge your limiting beliefs. The statements used will depend on your personal circumstances and will relate to any particular confidence issues you feel you have. The idea behind hypnotherapy is that when your unconscious believes you are confident, this translates to your conscious. This therefore changes your thought patterns and actions to improve your confidence.

Depression

Another treatment option to manage and overcome depression is hypnotherapy. This approach works on a subconscious level, using techniques to identify and address the root causes while offering positive suggestions to break negative thinking patterns.

How it works. Rather than treat the symptoms of depression, hypnotherapy aims to tackle what triggers lead to your depression so you can unpick it and move on.

“Hypnotherapy works for depression because it targets the underlying basis of depression, and completes the “unfinished business” that otherwise continues to recycle as self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviours. With hypnotherapy, the person can go down deeper to their traumatic experiences, memories and stored emotions, which means they can quickly release them from the mind and body.”

John Gotelee

Hypnotherapy can lift that darkness.

I have only focused on a very very small area of what hypnotherapy can help you with, especially through this pandemic. If you are suffering from any of the above or an issue that is effecting your mental health YOU ARE ALLOWED TO MAKE A VISIT TO YOUR LOCAL THERAPIST.

On top of hypnotherapy I am also an IEMT practitioner whish will help you with abuse, PTSD, trauma and so much more, but I will expand on that in my next blog. However if you want to know more please feel free to contact me or visit www.jonadkin.com.

You will also find testimonials and FAQs

I’m here to help, we are all here to help. Think about it. You could actually come out out of this lockdown a stronger person than you went in.

Until next time.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.

Jon

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon. and 100 days in isolation. A collection of funny original images of one mans decent into comic madness during lockdown

Find me on You TubeFacebookInstagram. and now TikTok.