Which mindset do you have?

Hi

Welcome to a new week and if your reading this on Tuesday, welcome to a new month. After last weeks curve ball of a blog about my travels, this week I want to return to what I know and do best.

I want to discuss mindset.

Can what you believe about yourself impact your success or failure? Psychologists think so. They believe your beliefs play a major role in what you want and whether you achieve it. So what is a mindset? People with a fixed mindset believe that these qualities are inborn, fixed, and unchangeable whereas those with a growth mindset, believe that these abilities can be developed and strengthened by way of commitment and hard work.

Let’s keep it simple before we dive in. A mindset is a way of thinking. a frame of mind. Your mindset is your collection of thoughts and beliefs that shape your thought habits.  And your thought habits affect how you think, what you feel, and what you do.  Your mind-set impacts how you make sense of the world, and how you make sense of you.

Your mindset is a big deal.

Why is it that some people seem to shine in any area in which they choose to exert themselves, and others cannot manage even a glimmer despite obvious talent?

Research shows that it’s the way that they think about their ability that really counts.

There are two ways to view intelligence or ability:

Ability it is fixed or ingrained – in other words, we are born with a certain level of ability and we cannot change that. This is called a fixed mindset.

We can develop our ability through hard work and effort. This is called a growth mindset.

These two different beliefs lead to different behaviour, and to different results. For example, students with a growth mindset were shown to increase their grades over time. Those who believed that their intelligence was ingrained did not. in fact, their grades got worse.

Having a growth mindset (the belief that you are in control of your own ability and can learn and improve) is the key to success.

This is why you should never praise children by talking about their ability, but instead describe the effort that they put in, and how much they have learned and developed their ability through the activity.

Don’t say: “Well done. You’re really good at maths.”

Do say: “That’s great. You tried really hard and look how well you’ve done.”

It is important to praise the process, not the talent or ability.

Believe in myself

Jon Adkin Hypnotherapist.

Mindset in Practice

People with these two mindsets actually think differently and also react to information differently.

In particular, they respond differently to information about performance.

In people with a fixed mindset, the brain is most active when they are being given information about how well they have done, for example, test results, grades or praise.

Whereas people with a growth mindset, the brain is most active when they are being told what they could do to improve.

It’s a very different approach: from ‘How did I do?’ to ‘What can I do better next time?’

One is about how they are perceived, and one is about how they can learn. You can see which one is likely to lead to better results in future.

How do you deal with setbacks may tell you what mindset you have.

People with a fixed mindset are very discouraged by setbacks, because a setback dents their belief in their ability. They tend to become uninterested and give up.

People with a growth mindset view a setback as an opportunity to learn. They tend to try harder in an effort to overcome the problem.

I am a strong believer that success and happiness are all about mindset. Your mindset and belief system affect everything in your life from what you think and feel to how you act and react to the world around you.

In order to achieve your goals, your mindset needs to match your aspirations, otherwise, it might be holding you back from getting where you want to be.

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Here are some effective ways you can upgrade your mindset:

  1. Change your Self-Talk

The conversations you have with yourself are a direct reflection of your mindset. If you are telling yourself “I am not good enough to achieve my dreams”, your thoughts will create your reality and your mindset will hold you back from having the life you want. To upgrade your mindset, change your negative self-talk to an empowerment speech. Sounds strange, but telling yourself “I can do this” or “I got this”, really works.

  1. Change your Language

After changing your inner thought dialogue and the story you are telling yourself, change the way you talk to other people. Avoid phrases like “I am always like this” or “I am always doing this” for encouraging a growth mindset. Also make it a habit to talk about the things that are going well in your life instead of complaining and talking about your problems. This will encourage a mindset of abundance instead of fear and lack.

  1. Determine the mindset you need and act as if

Pick a goal you want to achieve and ask yourself: “Which mindset do I need to achieve this goal?” and “Which mindset do people have that were successful at this goal?”.

For example, healthy & fit people might share the mindset “I love taking care of my body, nourishing it with whole foods and exercising every day.”. If it’s your goal to be healthy & fit, act as if you already HAVE the mindset of a healthy & fit person. This way, you are basically tricking your brain to adopt a new mindset and reinforcing it with action.

  1. Learn & Apply

Read books from great minds to understand and adopt their thinking. Read books about how the mind and brain works. Learn from mindset experts through online courses, events, and coaching.

Here are some mindset resources:

Mindset by Carol Dweck to learn about the growth mindset

Everything from Gabrielle Bernstein to adopt a mindset of abundance and align with the flow of life

The writing of Thomas Oppong on Medium for great nuggets on improving your thinking

  1. Surround yourself with people that match your desired mindset

Want to upgrade your money & success mindset? Start hanging out with people that are very successful and seem to have an abundance of money flowing their way at any time. It is easier to adopt a new mindset when you see that it is already working for other people. Learn how they think and adapt their daily habits to match their mindset.

  1. Create new habits to support your mindset change

Integrate powerful habits into your day that help your mindset change and reinforce your thinking with action. If you are upgrading from “fixed” to “growth” mindset, schedule time for learning and start noting down your learnings and achievements every day. If you are upgrading from “destination” to “journey” mindset, practice being mindful, enjoying the present moment and celebrating small successes.

  1. Step out of your comfort zone

If you put yourself in situations that challenge you, you have no other choice than to rise to the occasion and upgrade your mindset. It becomes a necessity to survive.

So ask yourself “What situations can I put myself in that will require me to operate on a higher mindset?”. Basically, the idea is to engineer your environment to train your brain!

Remember be careful in how you talk to yourself as we believe what we hear and we are listening to ourselves all the time.

Now I’m a little guy but I’ve had some really big guys in my Hypnotherapy practice where I have used a convincer shown to me by a fellow hypnotherapist to show them the power of our mind, and little old me was able to overpower a 6 foot giant (well I am only 5’4″).

So what mindset do you think you have and why do you think that? I would love to know.

Until next week. Have a great one

Jon x

I am a hypnotherapist based in Suffolk, I work in Suffolk, Cambridge and Essex.  I have written 6 children’s books and 1 adult anxiety book. I also paint (and I don’t mean my living room and kitchen )

 

We could learn a lot.

Hi

I’m back from my break in Dubai. I had a wonderful week there and got to see a lot of the culture and the way of life and I want to use this weeks blog to say we could really learn a lot from this country.

The first thing I noticed was how multi cultured the country was. I think most continents were evident there. but what was lovely to see were everyone, it didn’t matter which country or what religion they supported, everyone without exception got on.

Now a big part of the reason for this is that in Dubai and Abu Dhabi and I think all over the UAE you are NOT allowed to argue over religion in public. so the evidence that I saw were Muslims and Sikhs working happily alongside each other. and many other religions. This is a law that should be enforced all over the world. I watched a TED speech not so long ago and it said we are all human. We are only different shades of colour because of where we originated from. but we are all still man or woman.

Some other laws that we could learn from are. Being Drunk and Disorderly in PublicOne of the fastest ways to bring your Dubai stay to an early end is to be drunk and/or disorderly in public. It is legal for non-Muslims to consume alcohol in Dubai, so long as they’re drinking in a licensed venue (typically attached to a hotel, or in the home of a non-Muslim resident who has a liquor license). Once you’re outside of these venues, however, if you’re seen to be drunk or causing a raucous in public, you could land yourself in jail.

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Drink Driving. The official legal alcohol limit for drivers in Dubai is zero—there’s no leeway here, so ensure you’re completely sober before getting behind the wheel. The police must be called to all car accidents, including single vehicle incidents. The age of legal drinking in Dubai is 21.

Drugs-Dubai has a zero tolerance policy on drug possession and trafficking, with some offenses punishable by death or lifetime imprisonment. Even prescription medicines that are legal here in the UK or in your country may be illegal in Dubai.

Offensive Language or Hand Gestures-Many of Dubai’s laws and customs are rooted in showing respect for one another. It is, therefore, an offense to use rude language or aggressive hand gestures, including while driving. Feeling frustrated that someone just cut you off on the road? A toot of the horn is about as far as you can go here. Swearing on WhatsApp. Swearing in public is completely prohibited in the UAE, with the use of the F-word being a crime, as it “disgraces the honour or the modesty” of a person, according to Article 373 of the UAE Penal Code. Swearing is punishable by up to a year in prison and a fine as high as 10,000 dirhams (£2,157). Flashing your middle finger, which is considered an “indecent gesture” that breaches “a victim’s pride, privacy and/or modesty”, will result in deportation.

This extends to your online activity; using swear words in WhatsApp messages, or on any social media or messaging platform for that matter, breaches UAE’s cyberlaws. This includes sending emojis of the aforementioned indecent gestures. You can face a fine of up to 250,000 dirhams (£53,928), a prison sentence or deportation.

Eating or drinking on public transport- Eating and drinking is completely banned on all forms of public transport and their stations, from metros and buses to pedestrian crossings. Getting caught consuming food and beverages can make your wallet 100 dirhams (£22) lighter.

Having a dirty car- With the frequent sandstorms in the UAE, you would think you’d be forgiven for having a dusty car. However, dirty cars are seen to be “disfiguring the city image and public health”. As a result, they are routinely towed away, with owners being slapped with fines and impound fees of 3,000 dirhams (£647).

Washing your car- While not washing your car can get you into serious trouble, washing your car “incorrectly” can, too. You are prohibited from washing your car in residential areas or employing labourers to wash your car. These casual car washes “distort the city’s beautiful image” as well as being environmentally hazardous, as the dirty water pollutes the streets and sewers. Instead, you have to take your car to proper facilities, such as those at petrol stations and the car parks of shopping malls.

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Taking photos of people without their permission- This is a very serious offence that has caught out many people in the past. The UAE is very strict about preserving the privacy of individuals, and taking a picture of someone without their knowledge or consent is taken very seriously. This is further exacerbated if you post these images on social media platforms. According to the cybercrime laws, you can be fined up to 500,000 dirhams (£107,816) and jailed for six months for the offence, although in practice the sentences are much harsher, with various visitors having been deported.
Making and spreading rumours- Possibly the most ambiguous offence on this list, anything construed as a rumour is punishable under UAE law. Gossiping, especially on social media, can result in a three-year jail sentence and a fine of up to 1 million dirhams (£215,754). Intending to crack down on those who “damage the social peace and public order” and pose a threat to “national peace”, the UAE has very strict laws about the spreading of news online.
This was brought to light after the 2016 floods, when photos and videos of the damage caused by the heavy rain and strong winds were circulated widely on social media platforms. These were denounced as rumours, and it was declared that discussing the storm and sharing negative photos was illegal.

the crime rate in Dubai is so very low as the punishment is so high, education is free, healthcare is free and both the women and the men receive money to marry.

It truly was an eye opening holiday. I will be going back at some point but for now my batteries are recharged and I’m ready to get back to work.

Normal service will be resumed very soon.

Until next time. Have a great week.

Jon X

www.jonadkin.com

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Cambridge and Essex.

Are you Mr or Mrs Angry?

Hi.

In my hypnotherapy practice I have recently seen a big increase with clients visiting me saying they can’t contain their anger and frustration.  The good thing is that they are contacting me and are wanting to do something about it. but why is this happening now?

Could it be Brexit. Could it be extra worry about what’s happening to our country. or is it just life in general?

Anger itself isn’t a problem — it’s how you handle it. Consider the nature of anger, as well as how to manage anger and what to do when you’re confronted by someone whose anger is out of control.

What is anger?

Anger is a natural response to perceived threats. It causes your body to release adrenaline, your muscles to tighten, and your heart rate and blood pressure to increase. Your senses might feel more acute and your face and hands flushed.

However, anger becomes a problem only when you don’t manage it in a healthy way.

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So it’s not ‘bad’ to feel angry?

Being angry isn’t always a bad thing. Being angry can help you share your concerns. It can prevent others from walking all over you. It can motivate you to do something positive. The key is managing your anger in a healthy way.

What causes people to get angry?

There are many common triggers for anger, such as losing your patience, feeling as if your opinion or efforts aren’t appreciated, and injustice. Other causes of anger include memories of traumatic or enraging events and worrying about personal problems.

You also have unique anger triggers, based on what you were taught to expect from yourself, others and the world around you. Your personal history feeds your reactions to anger, too. For example, if you weren’t taught how to express anger appropriately, your frustrations might simmer and make you miserable, or build up until you explode in an angry outburst.

Inherited tendencies, brain chemistry or underlying medical conditions also play a role in your tendency toward angry outburst.

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What’s the best way to handle anger?

When you’re angry, you can deal with your feelings through:

  • Expression. This is the act of conveying your anger. Expression ranges from a reasonable, rational discussion to a violent outburst.
  • Suppression. This is an attempt to hold in your anger and possibly convert it into more constructive behavior. Suppressing anger, however, can cause you to turn your anger inward on yourself or express your anger through passive-aggressive behavior.
  • Calming down. This is when you control your outward behavior and your internal responses by calming yourself and letting your feelings subside.

Ideally, you’ll choose constructive expression — stating your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

Can anger harm your health?

Some research suggests that inappropriately expressing anger — such as keeping anger pent up — can be harmful to your health. Suppressing anger appears to make chronic pain worse, while expressing anger reduces pain.

There’s also evidence that anger and hostility is linked with heart disease, high blood pressure, peptic ulcers and stroke.

When is professional help needed?

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret, hurts those around you or is taking a toll on your personal relationships.

How does hypnotherapy help with anger?

Feeling angry now and then is a normal part of life. Usually, anger is a result of feeling frustrated, insulted, deceived or even under attack. For many, anger is a natural reaction that passes quickly. In some instances, however, it can become a difficult emotion to control.

Failing to manage anger effectively can lead to mental and physical health problems. You may find your anger management issues are affecting your relationships, your work or even your self-esteem.

Hypnotherapy can help those with anger management problems in several ways. The initial aim of the hypnotherapist will be to understand the root cause of your anger.

As previously mentioned, anger management problems often stem from past experiences. These experiences can shape your behaviour and belief system. So, while you may think another person or situation is causing your anger, it may well come from yourself. Once this is understood, your hypnotherapist can begin work changing this.

To do so, your hypnotherapist will work on a conscious and unconscious level to help change your negative thought processes. Doing this may involve relaxation techniques and suggestions from your hypnotherapist to help control your anger.

The hope is that this will change your reaction to anger triggers. Instead of feeling overwhelmed and angry, you should feel calmer and more relaxed. Feeling calmer in stressful situations helps you to think more clearly so you can react in a more appropriate way.

Anger management hypnotherapy can also help with some of the symptoms of anger. For example, if you are suffering from anxiety, stress or depression, hypnotherapy can be helpful.

The number of anger management hypnotherapy sessions you’ll need will depend on your individual circumstances. It is likely that your hypnotherapist will teach you some self-hypnosis techniques and relaxation tips. You can use these at home when you feel angry or stressed to help you control your anger in the long-term.

How to deal with anger – self-help tips

If you have decided to seek professional help for your anger management problem, there are several things you can do in tandem to help regain control. The following tips can help you control your anger and express it in a healthy way.

Get to know your triggers

Understanding what situations make you feel angry is key. By recognising when you are likely to feel angry, you can be prepared. To do this, start taking notes when you feel angry. Try to note the following:

  • What was the situation?
  • Was there another person involved?
  • What did they say/do to make you feel angry?
  • How did you feel at the time?
  • How did you behave?
  • How did you feel after the incident?

After a while, you should start to notice some patterns emerging. Perhaps you get angry when you feel belittled, or maybe you feel angrier after the situation because you couldn’t express yourself at the time.

Talk through your notes with your hypnotherapist, as this can help them work with you to understand the underlying reason behind your anger. Just recognising these patterns can be an enormous help.

Give yourself some time

A simple way to help you manage your anger when a trigger situation arises is to give yourself some time before you react. This allows you to really think about how you react, rather than reacting instinctively. Try the following suggestions to see if they help:

  • Take some deep breaths – breathing out for longer than you breathe in can help to calm you.
  • Count to 10 – a simple act that can give you enough time to calm yourself before you react.
  • Do something else – instead of reacting, try to distract yourself by doing something else. If you can, try to channel that energy into something creative.
  • Listen to calming music/sounds – create a calming playlist and listen to it when you start to feel angry.

Try a few different distraction techniques and see what works best for you. Again, this is something you can discuss with your hypnotherapist as they may have some alternative suggestions.

Don’t bottle it up. Don’t aim it at the wrong people. control it.  If you’re local let me help. Don’t let anger rule and ruin your life and the lives of those around you. Your children will act like you and copy your reactions, and sometimes they don’t have the understanding in how to control it.

Until next time.

Jon

This is still me.

Hi Welcome back.

So continuing where we left off in last week in last weeks blog After leaving the hospital feeling a bit sorry for myself I jumped around jobs as I never had a plan B. (Kids, always have a plan B) More dislocations meant more time doing nothing. but I didn’t like to sit around doing nothing I got a job designing kitchens which I enjoyed for many years until… my other shoulder started to dislocate. This meant more ops, more time in plaster. Now I never was a fan of daytime TV Kilroy (The Jeremy Kyle of its day) never did it for me. so I offered my services to my sons school, helping with reading, art etc. The head teacher use to pick me up in the morning (She was not a great driver bless her) and I would jump on the school bus at the end of the day. She then employed me as the midday assistant. in the end, that stop gap lasted 26 years. raising to the heights of ICT Manager. Now during my time at the school I suffered even more illness. I had two heart attacks, 2 strokes and a few more dislocations. On paper I was a mess.

Now as much as I loved working with the kids, due to the illnesses and constant hospital visits (bearing in mind I was still in my 30s at this time) I lost my confidence and self worth. Looking back I was dipping into depression and I needed to do something about it. Yes life had dealt me a bad hand but I had two choices. Curl up on the sofa and give up or pull myself together and make the most of life. I chose to do the latter, but I needed help.

I went to W H Smith (No Amazon back then. Yes I am that old) and I bought myself Paul McKennas Self hypnosis books. Little did I know that would not only change my life but it would eventually guide me to my career today.

Not only did that book and the videos. Yes videos (do you remember videos? if not ask your Mum or Dad) They not only helped me get back on track they actually made me even more confident and full of self belief. Thanks to Paul I was back, better than ever.

All them years ago I never ever thought I would one day be a professional Hypnotherapist, but I like to study and read, so I continued to buy Paul’s books and became more and more intrigued as to why hypnosis did what it did.  I read lots of books and watched some DVD’s (yep we have moved on ) and then about 4 years ago I decided to train. never intending to do it as a career, I was just interested.

I studied, I worked with volunteers, I even roped my reluctant son in to help me. The more I did, the more I enjoyed it. I could do it.  I could really do it.

I qualified as a Hypnotherapist and I was so proud of myself. I had set myself a goal and I had reached it. this was the start of a whole new chapter of my life.

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Now I finished last weeks blog with a question. Did I make it as an entertainer? Well yes and no. Not in the way that I had envisaged I wrote Children’s books. The Adventures of Carla Bear. (6 in the set so far)  and over the years in the school I dressed up in many many guises and entertained the kids. I ran some of the school discos and every Summer fete and Christmas Bazaar I was there behind the mic. I even proved the Doctors wrong and I played the drums again. I couldn’t do 4 hour gigs like I use to, but I could play again and for years I taught the kids at school drums.  I loved my time at the school and seeing the kids flourish but it was time for a change.

A big change.

I started to offer my hypnotherapy services on evenings and weekends and I was really pleased in the way it was received. I had found a new purpose in life. I love to help people and the buzz that I was getting was making me want to do more.

So I did.

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I bit the bullet and I left the school. I didn’t have any support but what I did have is a lot of self belief and confidence. I know I could make it work, I believed in me.  It’s now approaching nearly 2 years since I made that jump. The house has not been repossessed, I’m not starving and actually I’m having more holidays than I ever did before. I’m making it work.

I have a lot of happy clients as you can see from my testimonial page. I’m helping others to make the changes in their lives and that makes me happy.

Moral of this story. Set yourself goals and reach them. Believe in yourself and have the confidence to go forward. You will make mistakes, but learn from them, don’t look back.

Until next time

Jon XX

 

 

This is me.

Hi welcome back, And if you’re not coming back and this is your first time here where have you been.

On my Facebook page recently I ran some facts about me. People seem to enjoy them. I gave them information about the early life I gave them information about things that I like, music that I enjoy listening to, and I thought it’s good to get to know People, rather than just being name on the screen or the odd picture, and even today with filters you never really see the real person. So, a few of you now have been following my blog for a time and I think it’s time to out for you to get to know me. So I’m going to do the same here. I am going to share with you facts about Me things that I want you to know things that perhaps now you may not need to know but I’m going to tell you anyway. So where do we start I suppose the beginning is the best place I was born in Cheltenham in Gloucestershire, but I was born to an unmarried mother who put me up for adoption. I was sent to an adoption home in London The Thomas Coram foundation. Now children that were placed in the Thomas Coram foundation were known as foundlings.  Children who were there to be given a second chance. I was one of the lucky ones I was fostered and then eventually after 18 months I was adopted by the greatest family. Now I sit at home and I watch long lost families like a lot of People do, but you know what I am one of the lucky ones, I don’t have that feeling of being rejected I don’t have that feeling of not being wanted or being given up on. Far from it I just had feeling of being loved being chosen I know I couldn’t have asked for a better family, a more loving family and not just my parents and my brother but the whole family. Aunts Uncles, cousins and second cousins third cousins once removed (I’ve never understood that bit) I have never ever been treated any different and I wouldn’t change my upbringing for anything. I was brought up with stories by mum of  being chosen, and one of the funny stories is that dad actually wanted a little girl and when they went back to the home it was feeding time and there was myself and the little girl who was up for adoption but she was a messy eater and my dad decided they would have the clean one. That story always brings a smile to my face. Another funny memory I have of the home is that we used to go back there for the summer fair and I can always remember I would not let go of their hands, either Mum or Dads because I thought they were taking me back, and I bet there were times when they wished they could have to be honest, but they never did.

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School years well they came and went. I made some really good friends, some I’m still in touch with now through Facebook. school was OK I was never the brightest but I also held my own. I enjoyed playtimes, I enjoy the sport but most of all I enjoyed the music and the drama. So really it was no surprise that at the age of 15 I was playing in bands in pubs and clubs, places I shouldn’t have been playing in at that age, but I got the taste for music, live music. And that’s where I thought my future was going to be and with the backing of my parents I left school aiming to be a professional musician. The first few years went really well I played with some of the big bands at the time And I really thought I was going to make it. But my shoulders well, they had other ideas from about 16 my shoulders started to dislocate on a frequent basis. In just one year my left shoulder dislocated 16 times. each time it meant a new visit to the hospital more anaesthetic to put it back as something wasn’t right. eventually I had a pin put in. It didn’t last long, so then I had 2 pins, then 3 pins. They didn’t last long either. My drumming career came to a halt. I had to go and get a job. Now because I only ever wanted to be a musician I really didn’t have a back up plan so I tried some different things but for ages I never really found what I wanted to do. One job I did really enjoy was actually portering at Whipps Cross hospital. The same hospital that had constantly been pinning my shoulders back. I was there for some time, but again my shoulder started to dislocate and a decision was made that I needed a far more serious operation I’m going to have to have my left shoulder fused which meant I would have very limited movement it was a big decision but it was one that I really had no option, I could live within the disabilities or so I thought I’m in the right frame of mind I’ll just continue my life.

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However I had the Op and after spending 8 months in a plaster cast I actually realised that I was more immobilised than I thought I was going to be, not only would I not be able to play the drums again but I wouldn’t be able to play golf with my Dad, and that was something that I enjoyed so much. Also, I have very little reach now and I can’t lift my arms above chest height and being small (Yep 5’’4”) well that’s not great. I left the hospital job as I was unable to lift so once again I found myself in No Mans Land not knowing what to do. A few more jobs came and went, but I still wanted to be a musician or an entertainer of some sorts.     

Did I make it?

Pop back next week and I will let you know.

Have a great week.

Jon XX   

www.jonadkin.com

Jon Adkin BAHyp Hypnotherapist