What’s stopping you?

So, the football is back, Shops are starting to open and more people are venturing out. How do you feel about that? I opened my doors at the start of this month, all with social distancing in place of course. However, something still doesn’t seem right. Like the football with no crowds there still seems to be something missing. My theory is that a lot of people are still scared. Scared to go out, scared to shop and scared to go to places where there may be people. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging those people at all, I don’t think any of us know what exactly is going on.

If you are one of those that are still scared, what is it that is actually scaring you? Is it what you are reading on social media or hearing on the news or is it your own thoughts? Are you a worrier or an overthinker and this lock down has set your mind racing? If it’s the latter, you are very much not alone.

Don’y overthink.

I receive calls every week at my hypnotherapy practice from people who are getting themselves so worked up because of what they have read or heard and then they overthink it and before long Armageddon has arrived. They are expecting to see Zombies to be walking past their windows. I know it sound a bit over the top but that is what’s happening. I’ve had clients that are too scared to open the door to a delivery driver, who is delivering something that they ordered, and they were expecting. However, as soon as that ring of the doorbell sounds or the knock on the door happens. The anxiety kicks in, and suddenly they feel as if they are in danger. Their mind starts convincing them that they may be in danger. The person may have the virus-Don’t open the door. They may not be wearing a mask and may cough on you – Don’t answer the door. The last person they delivered to may have been ill – Don’t answer the door. Do you see how your thoughts convince you and you run with it?

Now the subconscious mind is a fantastic thing and even though you may not think it, it always has your best interests at heart. By not opening the door, you will remain safe, so job done.  That is how the subconscious mind works. It has positive intentions but no logic. So sometimes its solution is not suitable for your own lifestyle.

So, what can you do about it? Actually lots. If you are a worrier or an overthinker, take a moment now and recall a list of say five things that you worried about or got yourself worked up because you over thought the situation. Got five? Ok now, how many of those five things actually happened in the way you thought about it? I bet one or none. Yet you worried, you affected the people around you, you may have even lost sleep over it. All for nothing.

You had no control over the situation, so what was the point of worrying. If you have no control, there is no point in worrying. All you are doing is adding to your own anxiety and stress and to those closest to you.

What’s the point in worrying.

Don’t let those thoughts control you, If a negative or worrying though starts to enter your head, don’t let it in. Don’t let that thought, that word, become a sentence, which becomes a paragraph which becomes a story. Your story. You don’t want those negative thoughts writing your next chapter, do you?

So, an easy fix is start talking to yourself as if you are your own best friend. If you don’t want that thought getting in, then tell yourself that you don’t want it, you don’t need it, so you won’t have it. If your best friend were worried about something silly, you would be the first to tell them to stop being silly and to get on with life.

It’s your thoughts that control your emotions your feelings. Make those thoughts positive and you will feel so much happier and so much more in control.

In my hypnotherapy practice I see so many people who have allowed their thoughts to control their behaviours and ultimately their lives.  Visit my testimonial page to see how are just a few sessions you can turn your life around.

Now some people want to change, they want to lose their ‘thing’ but they just can’t do it on their own. This is where hypnotherapists can help. We can’t change the past, we know that, but we can change how we allow it to affect us.

So start telling yourself what you do want and not what you don’t want. That’s the mistake that so many tend to make.

Anxiety Freedom System

This leads me nicely to a new Anxiety Freedom system which I’m launching next week. I wanted to help the people who have suffered through lockdown but either don’t want to attend a hypnotherapists office, or just don’t have the time, but they know they need help. So, I am offering a totally online system that the clients can do at their own home in their own time. It’s a very comprehensive solution but and here is the good bit, I’m offering it at a price affordable to most people. A single payment gets you the full system and remote access to me.

I will expand in my next blog what’s included but in the mean time visit my site ans see what you think.

Until next week

Jon X

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon.

Find me on You TubeFacebook and Instagram.

Can I?

I really do not know where this year is going. Did anyone get fooled this year? So what am I going to blog about today? Do you know what. I really don’t have a clue. Honestly I’m sitting here thinking what do I want to tell you about or get you involved in. Well the easy answer is I don’t know. I have been so busy with clients these past two week, which is great but nothing has been playing on my mind. Well I say that. but something that is becoming more and more evident on social media and that is the amount of people telling you how to sell your business. How to run ads on Facebook. how to create a sales funnel, blah blah blah.

Now as a new business owner I was drawn into some of these ads until I very quickly realised that actually all I was doing was helping expand their business and not helping mine at all. Don’t get me wrong there are some really good ideas out there and there are people who know their stuff. However do they know their stuff for you particular type of business?

I have been very lucky since I went full time. I found an online mentor Sarah Baker who does know her stuff especially for therapists. I have made some good friends within communities of other like minded hypnotherapists. especially within the Blueprint family and I sold the best asset I had. Me! by selling me and my enthusiasm and belief I am building a business mainly on recommendations and testimonials.

Believe in myself

Now please don’t get me wrong. I’m not here bragging, far from it. The message I want to get across to you is believe in yourself. Believe in what you do and what you can do for others.  We all have qualities within us that make us special. Don’t hide those qualities. let them come out. feel good about yourself, feel good for helping others. I know I do and every time I receive a testimonial or just a quick text to say how much better they feel or how much their life has changed. I guarantee that will make my day.

It doesn’t matter what you do, you may own a business you may be a full time Mum but whatever you do, if you do it with self belief and confidence it makes a difference. If you believe in you others will believe in you and others will trust you. Your own children will follow your ways as they learn through rope behaviour, so show them how to feel confident, how to have self belief, how to be themselves.

Do what you want to do. DO you want to write a book? I did, I now have seven under my belt (6 children’s books and and an anxiety book for Mums) Do you want to start your own business? Do it. I did, it’s not easy but it is so rewarding. I did this and so much more because I believe in me.

If you need help believing in yourself, contact me. I would love to help.

Well It’s short and sweet but it comes from the heart.

Until next week, be happy, be strong and smile

Jon XX

Let me tell you a story.

Hi welcome back to my weekly blog. yep I’ve been a good boy and been writing weekly for some time now, but like sky TV it’s ok you can read on catch up.

This week I want to tell you a story. Now this is a client’s story but she wants me to share it with you. Of course no names or personal details will be used but her story will be true and honest, but lets see if it has a happy ending.

Now when clients ring me they have usually be following me on Facebook for a while, liking posts or making the odd comment and when they feel ready they contact me. Last week was a little different I received a frantic phone call from a lady, She had seen my ads but in her words had never paid much attention to them until last Wednesday. Last Wednesday I run an ad about being stuck in again, when the sun is shining because you didn’t feel like facing the world. She told me that as she was scrolling through her Facebook then it was as if that ad hit her like a sledgehammer.

“My God that’s me” She knew she had a problem but she wasn’t really sure what was wrong. She then liked my page and she looked back over past ads and posts and she realised that I was talking about her. We ll not her specifically but how she was feeling.

Now instead of following me for a few more weeks or even months in some cases (you know when the time is right) She rang me straight away. The reason the call was frantic was because on Saturday 23rd March she had to take her children and a friends child to a concert. She didn’t want to go, the very thought of it scared her and even made her feel sick. So much so that she was prepared to fake an illness to get out of going.  This lovely lady was desperate. She didn’t want to let her children and their friend down but she didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t go, it wasn’t possible. or so she thought.

Now usually I offer a free consultation and I would make notes, and from those notes I plan hypnotherapy sessions for the client over the coming weeks, but it was Wednesday evening and the concert was on Saturday. and my client who was now a blubbering wreck (her words not mine ) in my hypnotherapy room  needed help now!

So within 2 hours of her initial call my client was now getting comfortable on my very nice reclining chair ready to be hypnotised to give her the confidence and the self belief to be able to go to the concert.

I will be back after this break…

My book Can I change is available from Amazon in Paperback and Kindle.

Book Cover

Visit my Website to see what else I offer. www.jonadkin.com

So where was I? Oh yes.

Now for me this was a little odd because really my client didn’t want to go to the concert. she wasn’t looking to be miraculously cured as she didn’t really know what was wrong. So do I give her suggestions to be strong and say to the daughter that she didn’t want to go or do I try to give her the confidence to go to the concert. Tricky one.

On further conversation I discovered she liked the artist who was performing and use to go to concerts years ago. It was just the thought of taking her girls and their friend and being responsible for them.

I knew what to do.

As a hypnotherapist I have a tool box, not a literal tool box, just scripts or protocols that I can use to help clients.

That day I chose the Blueprint a content free hypnotherapy protocol. Being content free the client makes all the choices. She would know what she needs to let go of, or think differently about. She would be able to picture herself doing whatever she decided to do.

When I run ads for this I advertise it as a spa day for the mind. Every client I have used this on have seen so much improvement in their lives.

An hour later my client is back to full consciousness and is no longer a blubbering wreck. She can’t believe what she let go of and how she didn’t expect to see the things she saw.

I received a call Saturday night which hung up as soon as I spoke, Oh dear, that’s not a good sign. I received another call from the same number on Sunday morning. It was my client.

She apologised for hanging up on me. The reason she hung up was that it was just too noisy at the concert. Yes she went and not only did she go she ended up dancing in the aisles.

The reason for this story is just to say. you may know something is wrong, or holding you back but your not sure what. Well you may not know but you deeper sub conscious mind will know. So don’t think oh it’s just silly or it will go away on its own. Sometimes we need a bit of help, and help is out there.

It’s never to late to change.

Have a great week

Jon xx

It’s ok not to be ok.

Hi thank you for visiting.

Another week another celebrity (sort of) death. As I work with a lot of mental health clients at my practice in Haverhill, I do think it’s a shame that it takes someone in the media to highlight the sad facts of suicide especially in males in the UK. However another way of thinking is that it at least it does highlight the scary figures. Here are just some that I find staggering.

  • In 2017, 5,821 suicides were recorded in Great Britain. Of these, 75% were male and 25% were female.
  • Between 2003 and 2013, 18,220 people with mental health problems took their own life in the UK.
  • Suicide is the most common cause of death for men aged 20-49 years in England and Wales.
  • One person in fifteen had made a suicide attempt at some point in their life.
  • The suicide rate in Scotland rose by 8% between 2015 and 2016, with 728 suicides registered in Scotland in 2016.

Sadly the first one I’m not totally surprised at as 95% of my clients are woman. Women will realise they have a problem. They talk to each other and in a lot of cases they do something about it. Whereas us men DON’T TALK about it, we pretend we are all okay and very few will ask for help. Then when we realise that we do have a problem it’s taken a grip.

So what can we do to help?

Well the first thing is talk, ask questions, open up,  I appeal to all ladies, if you think there may be something wrong or playing on their minds, talk to your partner, your dads, your male friends. Show them you care. Let them know you want to help and if you can’t help let them know there are plenty of people out their who want to help.

Recently I’ve come across a number of articles/blog posts about what not to say to a friend/loved one with certain mental health problems. Whilst these are useful, as it’s hard to know what comments could affect others more than you, constantly hearing ‘don’t say this’ and ‘don’t say that’ can make people feel like they have to tiptoe around people who are struggling. This feeling is not necessary and can make the conversation even harder to have than it already is, or prevent it from happening altogether. This would only increase the feelings of isolation and loneliness that the sufferer may already be going through. So, instead of that, I thought I’d share 10 ideas about what to say to a friend/loved one with mental health problems.

1) ‘How are you?’ The number of people who’ve told me they feel as if they’re prying by asking someone who they know is struggling how they are is shocking. Mental health problems or not, we are all people and sometimes we’re okay, other times we’re not. You don’t have to advise or provide solutions if we’re not; just listen and be a friend.

2) ‘Do you want to go out on …?’ Personally I didn’t withdraw myself socially when I was struggling, (I felt best with my friends), but I know that many people do. Don’t stop inviting them to nights out and events because of their struggles, instead, try to help them live a ‘normal’ life and show that you don’t judge them and you appreciate their company.

3) ‘You deserve to be happy.’ Whether it’s due to the illness itself, self-stigma or poor support, many people with mental health problems come to the conclusion that they deserve to feel the way they do. This can mean they don’t get the support they need. Your words could encourage them to get help sooner rather than later.

4) ‘I’m so glad you’re in my life.’ Something I’ve been thinking about a lot these days is how we express our love and appreciation for people so much more after they pass, when they can’t hear it anymore. I wish we expressed more before this.

5) ‘Remember when…’ Sometimes things seem so dark that it’s hard to remember there was ever light. Talk about good memories. Plan to make more.

6) ‘You’re not a weirdo.’ Having different thoughts or feelings to the people around you can make you feel like you don’t fit in or ‘belong’. Remind your friend/loved one that you love them for who they are, and they are not just their illness.

7) ‘You can be honest with me.’ People struggling often feel like no one understands, forgetting that no one can understand unless they share what they’re going through – ask them. Being that person they know they can share everything with is one of the most rewarding and beautiful you can do.

8) ‘Do you want to go for a walk?’ We are indoors way too much these days. Take in some fresh oxygen and do some deep breathing with your friend to slow those racing thoughts down.

9) ‘How is treatment going?’ Treatment is a difficult and emotional process, and having someone to talk to about it (other than professionals) can be really helpful. Don’t feel the need to tiptoe around the subject. Fight the stigma; the person struggling will probably really appreciate it.

10) ‘Would you like a hug?’ This one doesn’t really need an explanation, does it?

Overall my message is to just show kindness and compassion, interact with them as normally as possible and don’t dismiss or minimise the pain they may be experiencing. It’s difficult to see a loved one suffer so look after yourself too.

I hope this helps and if any of my family or friends are reading this and they want to talk my door is always open, I won’t make judgements, I won’t laugh it off and I will not dismiss it.

Sorry this blog was a bit glum but I think it’s important that we notice what is going on around us.

Have a lovely week  and I will see you next time.

Best wishes

Jon XX

Ps. If you local I’m having an impromptu open morning tomorrow. Visit fb.me/adkin23 for more details.  I will have the kettle on, it would be great to see you.

Is it free?

Hi welcome to my latest blog. This one is going to be a bit of a mixed back, as a couple of things have cropped up this week in various forums that I’m involved in. One of the big topics these past few weeks was that I should not be offering Free consultations, as I am giving away Free time in which I could be seeing a paid client. Now I don’t disagree with that comment but for me I offer a free consultation to my clients because it allows us to meet and they can ask any questions or worries that they may have. However a lot of hypnotherapists say that I’m mad to give away my time for free. I see the time as an investment in the client. In that half hour or sometimes an hour we form a bond. They need to trust me and I use that time to sell me as a person. I’m very lucky I have a 97% conversion rate of consultations to sessions ratio and when the client comes back I’m usually greeted by “I’m looking forward to this” or “I’m excited for this” so they are ready to start their next chapter. To the best of my knowledge  I have never ever lost a paying client because I was too busy with at a free consultation.  However someone who comes to a session without the consultation, doesn’t know what to expect, is still feeling nervous and still has unanswered questions.

This is just my view and how I like to work. The client is always the most important thing and whatever suits them is fine with me. However I have updated the FAQs on my site along with the Working with me page which will answer so may more questions.

I would like some feedback, if you have the time. Would you rather go in raw to me a therapist? or meet at a more relaxed consultation and have an informal chat where you can ask anything and also learn what the therapist can do for you. Let me know your views please.

images

Now moving on (I did say it’s a mixed bag this week)  On my Facebook page this month I’m offering Free yes Free tips 🙂 to help you become more confident.  You can also find tips in my paperback book ‘Can I change’ Plug plug. but what is confidence and why do we need it? 

In the purest sense, confidence is knowing what you’re good at, the value you provide, and acting in a way that conveys that to others. Contrast this with arrogance which typically involves believing you are better in a particular area than you are, or low self-esteem which involves believing you’re less valuable than you think. The closer your self-assessment is to that reality in the middle, and the more you behave accordingly, the closer you are to displaying healthy confidence.

Why does this definition matter? Because if you want to raise your confidence to a level that helps (rather than harms) you, it’s important to know what you’re aiming for. Blindly thinking positive won’t necessarily help. 

What Does it Matter?

Confidence is one of those traits that can become an ideal that we all think is good, but ask us to point to the specific reasons why anyone should want it and we can only point to vague hypotheticals. Fortunately, science has our back. Here are just a few ways that tangibly improving your own self-confidence manifests in real world benefits:

A study published by the International Journal of Cosmetic Science showed that giving men some cologne improved their confidence enough to be rated as visibly more attractive in photographs. Similarly, researchers at Webster University found something as simple as a confident, direct smile from a woman was enough to catch the attention of a potential date.

The importance of confidence in romantic relationships doesn’t end at the dating phase, either. Research published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that men in particular can have a tendency to feel worse about themselves or their relationship when their partner has a higher level of success. Of course, the moral there shouldn’t be that women should succeed less, but rather that, in those situations, men must work harder on improving their own confidence level.

Confidence Early In Life Can Mean Upwards Mobility at Work

It shouldn’t be a surprise that being more confident at work can mean more promotions. However, a pilot study found some correlation between confidence levels as early as primary school and success in the workplace as adults.

This doesn’t just apply to the workplace, either. Another study showed that students who received some expression of confidence in their ability—even while receiving criticism—performed better later on than those who were simply told to aim for higher standards.

Even Being Overly Confident Has Its Benefits

The University of Edinburgh found that in a standoff over a particular resource, unless you were sure you’d lose the fight, and as long as what you’re fighting for had value, being overconfident was most often to result in success. Even if you weren’t right, being confident can help you get what you want.

The Real Things You Can Actually Do to Improve Confidence

 It takes a minute to understand the difference between confidence and arrogance. If you have a confidence problem, what can you actually do about it? “Be better,” isn’t practical advice, so what can you do to practice?

Work out: The effects of working out on your confidence are so overwhelming that it can’t be understated. When you exercise, your body releases a cocktail of endorphins that make you feel pretty good as is. When you’re done, you have tangible proof that you’ve done something constructive and everything in your body is programmed to second that response. If you keep at it long-term, the results of a healthier body become more and more visible.

Research how to dress better: If you’ve never taken steps to assess and improve your wardrobe, you may not realise the dramatic effect it can have on your confidence level. Everything from the style of your shirts to the colour of your glasses frames affects how people view you. When how you appear is in sync with how you want people to view you, confidence can easily follow.

Learn power poses: Much of how our mind works can be affected by what our body is doing. Research shows that standing in certain positions—such as with outstretched arms or fists in the air—can increase testosterone levels and help us feel more confident.

Fix things you don’t like about yourself: As much as might hurt to say, sometimes the problem isn’t your attitude or your emotions. Sometimes you need to change some things. This doesn’t have to mean you’re a bad person or not good at things, but it does mean that if you want to be more confident in a particular area, the best way to do so is to get better. Feel crappy because you can’t play the guitar? Practice. Do conversations about politics or economics make you feel unintelligent? Read up about it. Ask for help, even. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you don’t know something, but pretending you do when you don’t won’t help your confidence.

Until next time. I wish you all the very best. Have a great week.

Jon X