Facebook is down. PANIC!

Hi.

Today is Thursday 4th July. Happy independence day to my American family and friends. Who relies on social media now for business or just communicating with your friends and family etc? Yep most of us. So it was interesting yesterday. I noticed mid afternoon that no images were downloading. Posts were getting through but no images or videos. At first like a lot of people I thought it was my WiFi then I thought it maybe my phone, so I rebooted and reset all the settings but to no avail. So then I googled,  was facebook down and sure enough Mr Google informed me that Facebook, Instagram and What’s App were all experiencing difficulties at this time. Did I panic No!. Did I do a post informing everyone what they already knew. No! What I did do is I posted on all the social media that I use that due to technical issues I was unable to post adverts this evening however, if you would like to know more about me and the services I offer please visit my website at www.jonadkin.com.  and then I put down my phone. Yep I put down my phone and I picked up …….wait for it……… a book. Yes I actually picked up a book and started to read.

Now that you are over that shock (Yes I can read) How did you or your family react? I think it’s sad that our lives seem to revolve around social media these days. I’m fortunate to live near Cambridge A lovely picturesque town, but the amount of times I go there no and just see people walking along neck bent, head down looking at their phones. They are walking past some of the most impressive architecture in the UK. Who knows they may even have walked past their love of their life. On the river Cam you can go punting and some of the students will be your guide and tell you all about the beautiful buildings that you punt past. Many times have I stood on the bridge that the punts pass under, only to see complete families who have paid for this excursion not even looking up from thier phones. The poor student is doing his best to engage them but to no avail. Facebook, What’s App and snap chat are winning hands down. People there is a whole world out there. look up and enjoy it.

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Now I know that if you are a business owner you may rely on adverts on social media and nights like last night can be a major problem, but why? Social media is just one way of advertising. It is not the only way. I bet you paid £100s possibly £1000s on getting your website up and running. Did you promote it last night? It could have been a golden opportunity. All those people getting withdrawal symptoms from not seeing videos or images. It’s so easy to be come reliant on one media that you forget that you have all these other resources at your fingertips.

If I’m honest I actually enjoyed last night. Yes I picked up the phone occasionally to see if the problem was sorted, but in the main I read and I actually spoke to other people in my house. (They seem like nice people)

Here are suggestions for you that you could do instead of spending all your time on your mobile.

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Look Up: Put the phone down. You don’t really need to be on it. Instead of walking around staring down at your phone, look up and smile at someone. You’ll be surprised how many people will actually smile back.

Get some exercise: Find something active that you like to do. Play a pick-up game of football with your mates, take a jog on a local trail, go to a Zumba class, go on a walk around your area. Exercise is the best way to clear your mind and you’ll feel so much better about yourself after!

Have a conversation: No more “what’s up,” “nm,” “ttyl.” Imagine how much better you could get to know someone if you actually had a conversation with them in real life.

Invite friends over for a meal: Who doesn’t love food? You might not be the best cook, but anybody can heat up some frozen hamburgers and buy a carton of ice cream. And that girl you know who always posts food pics on Instagram… yeah invite her too. You might have a stomachache after, but it’ll all be worth it in the long run.

Find a hobby: Find something you love to do and go pursue it! Photography, crafting, collecting sports memorabilia, whatever it may be – go try it out!

Get lost in a book: You never know what you might learn. Maybe you’ll even discover you want to write a book yourself. Wanna get lost in a really good book? Check out Can I Change

Treat Yourself: You deserve to treat yourself. You probably treat yourself already, but go ahead and treat yourself again. Get that ice cream cone. Make it two scoops, actually three. Go to the shops and spend a little money on yourself. You finally put your phone away, so I would say you deserve it.

Do that one thing you’ve been meaning to do for ages: You know exactly what one thing you need to do. It’s the thing you keep putting off and there’s no better time to do it then now.

You got this. Don’t make your phone more important than the more important things in this life. Live a little more than you have been. Put the phone down. I promise you, you won’t regret it.

Until next time.

Jon XX

I am a hypnotherapist based in Haverhill, Suffolk and I cover Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. I’m here to help you to work through life’s challenges and get back your confidence and self belief.

Follow this link as a quick guide as to what I can do to help you.

Do you take time for you?

Hi I’m back. Did you miss me? What do you mean you didn’t even notice I wasn’t here. I took some me time. I traveled, I read, I laughed and I walked, boy did I walk. I had a great time, yes I did some work but that was all part of it. In the main I had a week of me time. Time to unwind, time to relax, time to think and time to please myself.  Taking me time is very important. It allows you to get your head together, it allows the body to unwind it allows you to catch up.

Now to have me time you don’t need to go abroad, you actually don’t even have to leave your home.

I bet you think that there is never enough time for doing the things you want to do? Want to get off the daily treadmill of never ending TO DO’s, jobs and family ‘stuff’ always cropping up?

ME TIME isn’t something to just be dreamed about. It’s not a pie in the sky idea only for the select few that don’t have any commitments.

It’s real.

And it’s possible!

I promise!

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WHY TIME FOR YOURSELF IS IMPORTANT

I always try and make time for me in every day now – sounds selfish?

I used to think that it was, but it really and truly isn’t – and it was actually a lovely colleague  who said something that stuck with me and changed how I thought about it….

He pointed out that if I am not functioning well and am happy, then the rest of the family and house suffers directly as a result. I simply don’t function as well, or feel as happy, when I am burnt out and trying to do all things for all people. We all owe it to ourselves to make some time for ourselves, as it genuinely can make all those around you happier as a result.

BUT I DON’T DESERVE “ME TIME” … DO I?

We all have crazy lives, with work, children, hobbies, household jobs etc…. taking over our time, and headspace most days, but without setting aside personal time you will burn out far too quickly, and then be of no use to anyone…

What’s the point of that!

From personal experience I know how dangerous it can be to not balance your time, It’s not a good place to be as I am sure you can appreciate. Trying to do everything and please everyone all the time can really take its toll. EVERYONE deserves a little time to themselves each day – it’s not whether you deserve it – it’s whether you can afford NOT to…

So – we’ve worked out that you need some time to yourself, and that you deserve it and shouldn’t feel in any way guilty for taking it, so what type of thing can you do?

Here are some great Me Time ideas for inspiration – and remember – it doesn’t matter how small that time is, make it count:-

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  • Go for a walk – get out of the house if there’s lots going on, and distance yourself for a few minutes – the exercise will also be great for you and you will feel rejuvenated
  • Take a bath – lock the door so you have no interruptions.
  • Read a book or your favourite magazine.
  • Take the afternoon off and go to the cinema.
  • Get up 20 minutes earlier or go to bed 20 minutes earlier and do something that is just about you! Reading, fitness, learning a new skill etc…
  • Book in me time into your diary as you would any other appointment – and don’t let yourself down by missing it. If you have children, why not give grandparents special time with them alone for a few hours one weekend, don’t wait for a special event that you specifically need them to babysit for, just do it!
  • Get a babysitter even if you’ve not got an evening out planned. You could go for a long walk, sit in a cafe, go to the cinema etc… – and just enjoy time to yourself.
  • Take some time to breathe, and perhaps meditate.
  • Go technology free. Turn off your phone, don’t have any notifications pinging at you – and enjoy being silent!
  • Record your favourite programme and make sure you spend time watching without interruptions.
  • Pamper yourself (both men and women can do this)
  • Why not look at your life plan (whether it’s a 5 year plan or a different time span) – see what you can start to really make headway towards by spending some quality time on it each week – this may be perfect for your me time (I personally like to DO things with me time, and feel more refreshed after doing such things – maybe you’re the same?…)
  • Go shopping for a new outfit – or just window shopping – spending time working out what suits you and what looks fantastic will do you the world of good!
  • If you work from home, think about having some me time during the day rather than waiting for the evening – it’s more likely to be done then, and you will feel refreshed afterwards – what about a trip to a coffee shop, lunch out, a run, a swim…
  • If you have the cash, what about a spa break? If you don’t have spare money why not create a spa at home.
  • Have a sleep! Honestly – sometimes it’s all I can do to keep my eyes open, and now and then I allow myself to take the nap I need. I feel SO good after even just 10 minutes – and get much more done as a result – so everyone’s a winner!
  • Look at a gym class that you would love to do and SIGN UP – work out with your partner any childcare and stick to the appointment as you would anything else. You will feel refreshed and get fit at the same time! (and there’s always the coffee shop and a magazine for half an hour afterwards!).
  • Do a project in your house that you’ve been wanting to do for ages. Painting some furniture, creating some artwork – whatever you love doing – just get it started!
  • Adult colouring is really taking off at the moment – and takes very little time. You can even carry it around with you!

Do It

In the words of Mr Nike. Just do it!

Whether that’s 5 minutes to do some colouring in (this is my promise!), or booking in a babysitter and filling your diary – It will be worth it!

Don’t wait until you have burned out to treat yourself to some time for you.

A happy person makes those around them happier – and if you create some time for yourself this will directly affect how happy you are.

So – use these Me Time ideas to decide on something that you will look forward to each day.

Have a great week

Jon X

www.jonadkin.com

 

You never know who is listening!

Hi.

How are we all doing? I had a lovely day last Saturday in London. My Son who is a Grenadier Guard was part of the Trooping the Colour which is the Queens official birthday. It was a lovely day seeing him in his uniform and carrying out his duties.

Now apart from wanting to share with you how proud I was of my Son, I also want to point out how important it is not to listen to that inner critic. My last blog was all about that monkey brain I want to carry on from that, I want to talk about how you talk to yourself. Either out loud or silently in your head. Our sub conscious brain is always listening. Midway through his training my son hit a brick wall. He started to tell himself he couldn’t do. He became very negative. Change that thought, change your mind. Our subconscious wants to keep us safe so if you say you can’t do something it will believe you so it won’t let you do it. If you tell yourself you only have bad luck, that is all that you will focus on. You will have good luck but it will pass by unnoticed  as you are too busy looking for the next bad thing to happen.

Nb. My Son not only made it through his training he has just signed up for another 4 years.

In an average 15 hour waking day it is reported we think up to 50,000 thoughts. If this is true, that’s about one thought every second. Oops there goes another one. Seems unbelievable if you think about. Oops there goes another one. I’m sure it isn’t news to you that your mind is busy…really busy! Right?  If you stop and consciously listen to your thinking, what you’ll notice is that most of your thoughts are in the sound of your own voice. They are constantly analysing, plotting, planning, commentating, reviewing, judging, discerning, agreeing, arguing, praising, worrying, appreciating, doubting, loathing, rehearsing… and a lot of this is happening involuntarily and unconsciously. In fact, psychologists say that 95% of your thinking occurs at the level of the subconscious, leaving just 5% that you are actually aware of.

Because your thoughts are in the sound of your own voice and are constant, incessant and unrelenting, like a pinball in a pinball machine bouncing from one thought to another, it’s reasonable to arrive at the conclusion that this is who you are, you are that voice inside your mind.

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It may come as a surprise to discover that the voice inside your mind, although it may sound like you, is not actually you. That voice is actually just your thoughts structured in language that only sounds like the voice you speak in. So if you aren’t the voice, or in some cases voices, inside your mind, then who are you?

You are you. That voice which could be from years back, maybe a parent, a Grandparent or perhaps a teacher. However over the years that voice has become you, so you think it’s you putting you down, telling you your not good enough, telling you you don’t deserve praise as you could have it so much better.

There’s a terrible battle going inside your mind right now, according to an old Cherokee.

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There are two wolves inside us all battling to see who will take over. One is negative— full of anger, envy, resentment, greed, sorrow, judgement, inferiority, criticism, and doubt. The other wolf is good — full of joy, appreciation, love, kindness, empathy, understanding, confidence, compassion, and clarity.

This fight is going inside of you. Even if you don’t notice it.

“Which wolf will win?” — You may ask, as this Cherokee’s grandson did.

“The one you feed the most.” — the wise grandfather simply replied.

Your thoughts are those two wolves. When you feed the negative animal, your mind loses clarity. You won’t be able to get rid of the bad wolf. It exists within you for a reason. Personal growth is about accepting your entire self instead of hiding your flaws.

Taming the negative wolf, not killing it — that’s how you neutralise your thoughts from causing pain and suffering. Having emotions and thoughts is normal. Letting them take over your behaviour, that’s the problem. When you believe you are what you feel and think, you lose perspective. There’s nothing wrong with thinking. It helps us understand matters, make decisions, and solve problems. The issue emerges when your judgmental wolf takes over. That’s when you look ‘from’ your thoughts.

Too much thinking can get you distracted. Your inner wolves can cloud your mind. Until they start eating you alive. Piece by Piece.

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Thoughts do not control our actions unless we allow them to do so. Remember not to overfeed your negative wolf. Neither your thoughts nor your emotions can determine how you behave. You are not what you suffer from.

We can’t escape from our thoughts (or emotions), but we can decide what we do in spite of them. Tame your internal wolves, rather than kill them.

 A practical exercise to experience this first-hand. Silently repeat to yourself: “I can’t lift my arm.” Say it over and over. Lift your arm up as you continue to say: “I can’t lift my arm.” So you lifted it in spite of your thoughts, right? But you probably hesitated though.

You are so used to believing what your mind tells you it that can easily mislead you. Becoming aware of the power of your thoughts is the first step towards defusing their influence.

Stay in control of your thoughts. Talk nicely to yourself.

Until next time

Jon XX

Are you your best?

Hi.

Well that was a leading question wasn’t it. What did you answer in your head when you read it? We are ever rarely at our best,  We have aims, we have dreams and we strive to accomplish them but do we ever give it our best?

Sadly we live in a time that we all dream but we don’t do what’s needed to reach them. We have great intentions, we even plan (a bit) but after a short while, when things are not quite working out…We give up.

Life gets in the way and our motivation dwindles and then we just sit back and do what we were doing before. Don’t worry it’s not just you. it’s a very big percentage of the population. Just to clarify that. Hands up if you have an exercise bike in your bedroom or spare room which is now a clothes hanger. or who joined a gym, went a few times then well just lost the motivation. Yep we have all done it, but why? Why do we lose the motivation, the drive, the ambition. I will tell you. We listen to that inner critic, that little voice inside our head that tells us  we are not good enough or that we can’t do something. Some call it that jabbering monkey mind.

So what is it? According to Buddhist principles, the “monkey mind” is a term that refers to being unsettled, restless, or confused. Writer and Buddhist Natalie Goldberg, who teaches many writing workshops, suggests that the monkey mind is the inner critic. It’s the part of your brain most connected to the ego, which contends that you can’t do anything right. It’s also the part of you that stifles creativity and prevents you from moving forward with your passions. The monkey mind insists on being heard, and sometimes it takes a lot of self-control

to shut it down. It is also the part of your brain that becomes easily distracted, so if you want to get anything done in life, your challenge will be to shut down the monkey mind.

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So can we calm it down or even shut it down. Well yes we can. As a hypnotherapist I do get a lot of clients come to me to say they don’t feel good enough, or they self criticise, and they can’t accept praise. This is all common of our friend monkey brain doing what he does best. putting that person down.

Now that voice may have started out as a parent, a friend or a teacher who put you down in some way,  made you feel that you couldn’t achieve and then over the years that voice become your voice. suddenly it wasn’t your parent or your so called friend or a teacher putting you down it was you. You’ve heard the saying you are your own worst enemy.

Taming your monkey mind will do all of the following for you:

It will give you clarity of mind.

It will allow you to focus on the present and on the task at hand.

It will improve the quality of your sleep.

It will increase your sense of calm and of well-being.

It will make you happier.

The first step in your quest to calm your monkey mind is to know that it’s possible to do so. It’s very likely that up until this point you’ve allowed your monkey mind to run wild. But now you’re going to put an end to that. After all, your thoughts don’t rule you. You rule your thoughts.

Talk to Your Monkey Mind. When your monkey mind is in full swing, calm it down by having a conversation with it. Stop for a moment and listen to what your monkey mind is saying. Why is it upset? What’s all the shouting about? Then, do the following:

  • Is your monkey mind trying to remind you of something that needs to be done? If it is Make a note of it and schedule the item so that your monkey mind doesn’t need to worry about it any longer.
  • Is your monkey mind anxious about something in the future? Reassure your monkey mind that everything is going to be fine. Conduct a worst-case scenario with your monkey mind, and come up with a contingency plan.
  • Is your monkey mind voicing resentment over something that happened in the past?  Realize that you need to create an action plan for dealing with your past so that your monkey mind stops bringing it up.

Sometimes your monkey mind just needs to be heard. Once it feels that it’s been allowed to voice its grievances and concerns, it will settle down.

Play a Game of Fives. The moment in which you hear the first monkey howling in your mind, you’ll know that it’s very likely that your mind has wandered off and that it’s no longer in the present moment. You can get the tribe of monkeys in your mind to quiet down by bringing your mind back to the present.

One way to bring your mind back to the present is by playing the Game of Fives. Pause your train of thought and notice five things in your environment. It can be five things you see, hear, or smell. Then, fully experience the sight, sound, or smell. You can do this by pretending that it’s the first time you’ve ever experienced that sight, sound, or smell, and by adopting a sense of awe.

The moment in which you do this all of your attention will be placed on the present moment, and your monkey mind will be silenced.

Engage Your Mind. I’m sure that you’ve experienced moments when your mind was completely still. Perhaps you were so involved in a book, or in a movie, or in your writing, that the monkey mind went silent. You just experienced directly what was going on, without your mind chatter giving you a running commentary of events, as they occurred.

This is because one way to silence your monkey mind is by engaging your mind. The next time your monkey mind is driving you nuts, look for an activity that draws you in completely, so that all of your attention is placed on what you’re doing, and there’s no attention left over to listen to the monkey mind.

Conclusion

As was stated in this blog, taming your monkey mind has many benefits. Although calming your mind will take some practice, it can be done. The strategies and techniques explained above are a great place to start. Live your best life by taming your monkey mind.

If you need help come and see me or drop me a message.

Hypnotherapy is a great way to silence that inner critic.

Until next time

Jon XX

 

 

Are you supported?

Hi.

How you all doing? Better than Theresa May I bet. Don’t worry I’m not going all  political. What I want to blog about this week is support. Support from your family, from your friends and if your in business support of your customers or clients. A support network is very important.

One of the reasons Theresa May resigned is because she did not have the support of her cabinet. Without that support you are facing an uphill battle. When my clients come to me they want to change. I quickly establish why they want to change and who they want to change for. If it’s themselves then great, if it’s to please others then that is not so great. Trying to change to please others is not always a good idea and in the long term not always right for them. However is a client comes to me and wants to change for whatever reason, it could be weight loss or to stop smoking, or just to gain more confidence etc and they tell me it’s for them so that they can start to enjoy life more, then I will do all that I can to help that client, but on top of my help they need the support and the encouragement from those around them. Immediate family, friends and work colleagues. a few kind words of encouragement go a long way. and it means the world to the person who is trying to make that change.

I will be honest when I decided to leave my job and a steady wage to start my hypnotherapy business I lost some friends and family support, (not all but the ones who mattered) and without those it has felt lonely at times. However I have great self belief (Thanks to hypnotherapy) and I am making a success of the business, but it would still be so much sweeter with the full support of family and friends.

And now a commercial break

May Book

My book Can I Change. Available from Amazon. 

So what can you do to help and support someone who wants to or needs to change.  Well the first thing is show them support (even if you have doubts) give them words of encouragement boost their confidence, just be there. ListenYour very presence can be a comfort to a friend. Sometimes keeping someone company while they go through their trials is a gift in itself. Expand your friend’s perspective. If your friend seems to be afflicted with tunnel vision, help them expand their perspective. You could say, “There could be another way to look at this. What about…?” You could also expand perspective by pointing out the consequences of their actions to their future self: “This may seem like a good idea at this moment, but how will you feel in a week? A month? A year?” And you can shrink an overstated problem with a saying like, “This too shall pass.” If you dare, help them empathise with the other person in the conflict. Ask, “How can I help?” But be prepared to set boundaries if direct help would draw you too tightly into your friend’s knotty problem. What might work with one friend might not work with another. Use your good judgement. Ideally, your advice will strengthen your friend and give them more confidence in their own judgement in the future. And if you feel like you are getting in too deep, remember that ultimately it’s your friend’s job to solve their own problems, not you.

If your friend or family member is starting a new business, here are some ways that you could help them too.

Motivation and loneliness are among the top unforeseen challenges of starting a business. Staying motivated is critical to keeping a business alive, but it isn’t something you can buy. Family, friends, and colleagues can be a great source of motivation.  So even if you’ve never started a business, you can be instrumental in helping others start and maintain their own. Here’s what you can do to offer your support:

Take Them Out to Lunch

Starting a business can be lonely when you feel you are the only one that believes in your vision. That worsens when you have to work in isolation on initial business planning.

Invite your friend out to lunch or dinner for a ‘business meeting’. Let them talk to you about the challenges, goals, and recent successes in their business. Or, if they want a little break from the madness this could be a great opportunity to catch up and take a break from their business. Be open. Take their lead for the topic of conversation.

Ask How You Can Help

Funding is an important part of starting a business, but it’s not the only thing that matters. Marketing, sales, operations, and accounting are also critical parts to a successful business. Ask what is need and how you might be of help. This is could be a great opportunity for you to sharpen some skills that you are not using in your own day-to-day job. Ask, you might be surprised with what they say.

Share Resources

Networking is powerful. If you hear of networking events, find a professional organisation, or just meet someone that you think would be a great resource – be sure to share that info with your friend. You can make an introduction via LinkedIn or emails, or just text over a link.

Have Impactful Interactions

In an industry where you have to constantly prove your business value and trajectory, it’s important to stay encouraged.  Encourage your friend by reminding them of their potential and initial vision. Remember those ‘small victories’ or ‘resources’ that might help them push through hard times. Like their posts. Make comments on their facebook or Instagram pages. Promote their website.

As Mr Tesco once said Every little helps.

Until next time. Have a great week

Jon XX