I can see the light at the end of the tunnel

Audio Version of this blog

So, this Monday April 12th we take another step closer to coming out of lockdown. It’s been over a year now and what have we learned? Well, on a personal level I have learnt that I miss interaction with people, a hug, a handshake, things that we took for granted but were suddenly taken away from us. What did you miss?

What changes did you make during lockdown? I don’t mean decorating or moving furniture around, what I mean is did you make changes in you? Did you enter lock down as one person, but will leave a different person, perhaps a better person, perhaps a more confident person. Did you do anything too improve yourself? Or will it all be exactly the same?  Having been stuck inside for so long, I’ve had people contact me saying that they don’t like the person they’ve become, they don’t like some of the habits that they’ve got into, they have started some bad patterns of behaviour, some of the new routines just won’t work when they get back to normal, whatever normal is.

Hurtful words on Social Media

This locked down bought out the best and the worst in some people. People who rarely commented on social media, suddenly found themselves arguing with total strangers, mainly down to frustration. On different social media platforms, a lot of hate was shown towards people who didn’t deserve it. Again, I can only think that these hurtful remarks were made because people were bored of their own company. However, it wasn’t all bad, neighbours helped each other more, people suddenly started walking more and becoming fitter, some people started to appreciate a lot of the workers that we overlook on a day-to-day basis retail staff, cleaners, porters, Bin men, postman etc etc. People who do their job day in, day out with very little recognition.

Did you do anything to improve your quality of life? Did you read more? Did you play with the children more? did you create memories? Perhaps, you took an online course and improved your own mind. What did you do that has made you feel better about yourself? If the answer is nothing, then there is still time. Time to improve you, time to break those patterns of behaviour, time to unlearn some of those bad habits and you can still leave this lockdown a happier stronger person.

As the saying goes, nothing changes if you don’t change.

Make a list

So, it’s time for honesty, go grab yourself a pen and a notepad. I want you to make two lists. Put a line down the middle of the page and on the left-hand column I want you to write a heading. Things I don’t like about me, on the right column put a heading things I love about me. now, this is where you have got to be really honest with yourself, I want you to take some time now writing in those columns, and I want you to be really honest with yourself, perhaps you moan too much, perhaps you’re an overthinker, perhaps you worry too much, perhaps you always look for the negatives in life. Look at your appearance, perhaps you don’t like your hair, perhaps you may be a little overweight, you might not even like your dress sense. Keep going, be brutally honest, this list is just for you. Now, add to the I love column. What do you love about you? Perhaps you make people laugh, perhaps you’re a great mum or dad, perhaps you eat healthy, you look after yourself, you like being around people and people like being around you. Now remember lots of people have trouble filling in this column, they don’t like to give themselves credit, they don’t see what other people see in them, but just step back look at the things that you have achieved, look at the difference that you have made in people’s lives, see what others see in you.

Now when you have completed those lists, I want you to start working on yourself, because all those things in that left column can be changed. If it’s your appearance, change it, update your wardrobe, change your makeup, try your hair in a different style there is so much that you can do. If it’s the way you think, change that, flip those negative thoughts look for the positives in the situation, stop worrying about things that you can’t control, stop overthinking. stop for a moment now, think about things that you have overthought in the past, now realise just how many things that you overthought actually came true. Hardly any I bet. Over thinking only affects you, if you can’t control it don’t worry about it, if it’s not your problem don’t worry about it, and don’t overthink. If you can’t control it, you can’t do a thing about it and no amount of worrying or overthinking is going to change it. now back to the list. What else could you change about you in that left column?

Sometimes we just need to take a good hard look at ourselves, stop blaming others and realise that we are not perfect. As I say to a lot of my clients it all starts with you. Think about it, if you met you at a party (when we can go) would you like you? Makes you think doesn’t it.

Now turn the page in your notebook and put the heading, gratitude list. Now, stay with me on this, because four years ago I would have said this was all la, la and tree huggy rubbish, however since I started my therapy business I start and end my day telling myself three things that I am grateful for, even the things that we just take for granted, things like clean sheets on the bed, the car on the drive, electricity to the house, the roof over my head the running water etc, etc. Everyday things that we just take for granted. To give you an idea here are just some of the things that I am grateful for, my adoption, my parents, my upbringing, my family, my health, my night’s sleep, my business. Do you get the idea? By writing these things down it makes you realise what you really have in life. My gratitude list grows as I start to see things form a different perspective and yours will too.

Find the good in you.

If any of this blog has made you think more positively about yourself, then I’m pleased. However, if you have found that your list of things that you don’t like about you it’s far too long, then ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of strength and change can come easy with the correct help.

Another advantage of this lockdown is that I have been working more and more online via Zoom, which means, it doesn’t matter where in the world you are, help is available. If you want to discuss anything that I’ve mentioned in this blog or would like to know more about how I our or a colleague could help you please feel free to drop me a message.

You look after yourself and take care

New this month. This blog is available as an audio (MP3) Let me know what you think or what you prefer.

best wishes

Remember IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU.

Until next time.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.

Jon

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon. and 100 days in isolation. A collection of funny original images of one mans decent into comic madness during lockdown

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