Our thoughts can ruin us, and friendships.

Ok so this week I upset a very good friend. They thought I was insinuating something where as actually I was concerned. However their thoughts and now mine have escalated the tension. It got me thinking about points of view and how you look can look at things and overthink them and then make 2 + 2 = 6.

point of view-2

Perspective is the way individuals see the world. It comes from their personal point of view and is shaped by life experiences, values, their current state of mind, the assumptions they bring into a situation, and a whole lot of other things. Reality can be different things. It can be difficult to step outside of your world and see things from someone else’s point of view, but it is beneficial! By looking at things from a different perspective, you can gain new insight into problems and improve your social interactions. Collect different types of experiences, such as by travelling, reading, and talking with people. Then, work on building empathy for other people. With persistence, seeing things from different points of view will become much easier for you!

Listen to other people carefully. Immersing yourself in someone else’s story or experiences while talking one-on-one is another great way to experience a different point of view. When you talk with other people, listen closely. Make sure to listen even if you don’t share their perspective and disagree with what they have to say.

  • Make eye contact and face the person while they are talking. (Not easy if texting I know)
  • Ask them questions if anything they say is unclear to you.
  • Let them know you are listening by rephrasing or echoing what they say now and then.

Respect people’s differences. Recognising that not everyone shares your beliefs and values may help you to see things differently. Whenever you interact with someone else, take a moment to remind yourself that they may not share your worldview, and that is okay. This may make it easier for you to gain new perspective from your interactions with them.

  • For example, you might have a coworker who performs a specific task different than you do. Their approach might be very different, but still effective.
  • Or, you might have a classmate whose family observes a different religion than your family, so their holiday celebrations might be nothing like your family’s celebrations.

 

Read or watch videos about other people’s experiences. Exposing yourself to other people’s personal experiences through books, articles, blogs, and videos may help you to gain insight into what it is like to be another person. Try reading or watching videos about people who are different from you to expose yourself to a totally new perspective.

  • For example, you can read biographies, watch documentaries, or read/watch interviews with people who are from different countries, ethnic backgrounds, religions, or political parties.

point of view-1

Learn the difference between empathy and sympathy. Although these words sound similar and their meanings are often confused, they are quite different. Sympathy means that you feel sorry for someone or pity them. Empathy means that you have put yourself into the other person’s situation and considered how they must feel.

  • For example, you might feel sympathy for a homeless person on the street because their situation seems unpleasant. However, if you feel empathy for this person, you would have imagined what it is like to sleep on the hard concrete, wear the same clothes each day, beg people for money to buy food, and worry about your safety day after day.

Think about how you would feel in another person’s situation. If you meet or hear about someone who has experienced a hardship, imagine how you would feel in that person’s situation as a way to build empathy for them and gain a new perspective. How might you feel if you had gone through a similar experience? Why might you feel that way? What might you do to cope with the experience?

Aim to treat others how you would like to be treated. Thinking about how you would want someone to talk to you or help you if you were in their situation may also help you to develop empathy and understand other people’s perspectives better. Imagine what someone could say or do to help you feel better if you were in that situation, then act accordingly.

  • This may be as simple as acknowledging someone’s pain and offering to help in any way you can. For example, if someone has just experienced the death of their family pet, then they might appreciate it if you said, “I’m so sorry for your loss. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Imagine that someone said or did something mean-spirited to you. Considering the worst-case scenario may also help you to see someone else’s perspective. Think about what someone could say or do to really hurt you. Then, use this experience to help you understand the hurt feelings that someone else has experienced. This will help you to build empathy and expand your perspective.

  • For example, if someone called you an insulting name, how might you feel? What would your reaction be? Use these feelings to help you understand how someone who is different from you might feel and react if they were treated poorly.

So the bottom line I started it and then because of our state of minds we verbally assaulted each other and both said some hurtful things.

I apologised but the damage is done. I’m not washing my dirty linen in public. I’m telling you this because of two very different points of view I have possibly lost a good friend.

learn from my mistake. Think before you say or in this case text something, and if you still feel that you are in the right, stop and look at it from the other persons point of view. Could your intention be misconstrued.

Have a great week

NameXX

 

Something to add to my toolbox.

Hi

Since I went full time with my hypnotherapy business I have been pretty lucky to have a constant flow of clients and if any of you are reading this I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

However I like to learn and study and improve (Even at my ripe old age) So I thought I wonder if people who see my ads or talk to former clients are still sceptical or even scared of hypnotherapy. So with that in mind I started to look for an alternative which can still help my clients but in a way that suits them better. After doing a lot of research and looking around to see what was happening locally I decided to learn TFT/ EFT.

tapping-2

What’s that I hear you ask. (Go on ask…) Well. Thought Field Therapy (TFT) provides a code to nature’s healing system. When applied to problems, TFT solves the fundamental causes, balancing the body’s energy system and eliminates most negative emotions… within minutes

TFT tapping is a brief, effective psychotherapy for the rapid and natural healing of negative emotions and psychological problems. Thought Field Therapy uses nature’s therapeutic system to balance the bodies energy system promoting natural healing and improved mental health. Thought Field Therapy is a natural, drug-free approach with rapid results that can be documented with Heart Rate Variability measurements.

Emotional freedom technique (EFT) is an alternative treatment for physical pain and emotional distress. It’s also referred to as tapping or psychological acupressure.

People who use this technique believe tapping the body can create a balance in your energy system and treat pain. According to its developer, Gary Craig, a disruption in energy is the cause of all negative emotions and pain.

EFT tapping has been used to treat people with anxiety and people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

 

Visit my website if you would like to know some more and how much it will cost.

I enjoyed the course so much that I extended it and have now qualified as a

Master Practitioner of TFT/EFT.

yoda-me

Tap you I will

OK. so the picture may have exaggerated it a bit, but what it does mean is that I will offer my clients the very best extensive TFT/EFT sessions that are possible. and then we will lead the rebellion no no no…  Ps. If you are not a Star Wars Fan I have not gone mad. However I’m about the same size as Yoda but I’m not green and I have smaller ears.

 

So what are your plans for this year? I aim to build up my practice and help as many people enjoy a more rewarding and fulfilling life.  Hopefully not a tall order but one that I will pursue. From next month I am going to offer tips and advice not only on my Facebook page   but also here in my blog.

If you’re stressed, whether by your job or something more personal, the first step to feeling better is to identify the cause.

The most unhelpful thing you can do is turn to something unhealthy to help you cope, such as smoking or drinking.

“In life, there’s always a solution to a problem,” “Not taking control of the situation and doing nothing will only make your problems worse.” The keys to good stress management are building emotional strength, being in control of your situation, having a good social network, and adopting a positive outlook.

I will help you adopt that positive outlook.

Until next time. Have a safe week and keep smiling.

Best wishes

Name

                           XX 

 

 

Blue Monday?

Hi

Welcome back or just welcome if you have never been here before.January is nearly done, well done, you survived another month. This blog I want to look at all these new days and specials etc that we seem to be getting, Black Friday, Cyber Monday etc etc. The latest one was January 21st this year known as Blue Monday. What’s that all about?

Well according to the media. Blue Monday is a day on which we feel gloomy or dispirited, especially as we have to return to work after the weekend. This particular Monday is towards the end of January which is meant to be the most depressing day as credit cards bills come in, and the bank balance is low, so we feel pretty low, even depressed.

What a load of rubbish! Sorry but Monday 21st is no different to Tuesday 22nd or even Monday 14th. Why should we feel low or depressed just because the media tells us. How many of you woke up on Blue Monday and felt great, you was happy and smiling you didn’t care what day it was, you felt great. Then you got to work and your friends were talking about Blue Monday, and how you should feel blue, miserable even depressed.

Guess what. As soon as they started telling you that you should feel grumpy, your good mood when right out of the window. Be honest how many of you did that?

If you’ve ever sulked through the day just waiting for it to be over, only for someone to walk up and comment on your bleak mood with a “Wow, someone’s in a bad mood,” it can pull you even deeper into dreariness. Weirder yet is the fact that you can be in an actually okay mood, but being accused of being in a bad mood will immediately ruin it.

Listen, we’re not in a bad mood, we’re fine. Okay?

images

In a sense, since being outwardly upset is out of the ordinary in our society — especially for adults — someone pointing out you’re in a bad mood can make you feel like a child. In the adult world, your slight grimace and short answers are the grown-up equivalent of kicking and writhing around on the floor. You can’t control your emotions, you child. This shame compounds your bad mood, and now everything is terrible.

So what’s the answer?  Be upfront and honest with yourself about your mood,  Much like accurately identifying what you’re angry at, acknowledging your rotten mood and giving yourself permission to feel that way can be helpful. “Acceptance starts with you,”  “If someone asks and you don’t want to talk about it, you can just say, ‘Yes, but I’ll be okay. What’s up?’ Or, ‘Yes but don’t worry, it’s not about you.’

YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU’RE IN A BAD MOOD IN THE FIRST PLACE

The question can also hold a magnifying glass up to some of the darker insecurities you might have been ignoring. Human beings interpret each other’s facial expressions, body language, tone, eye contact and other senses, unconsciously or otherwise,  In some cases, an individual might read into the unspoken signals that the other may be feeling, but not expressing directly.”

In other words, in your mind, you’re just going about your day, but on the outside, you’re slouching, staring forlornly out a rainy window and sighing on every third breath. When another person senses this, for better or worse, they’ll ask you about it.

It’s like being on a walk and someone pointing out how hot it is. Oh God, it’s so hot, you suddenly realise, I’m on fire. This is the worst day of my life. The same goes for someone pointing out your bad mood: It makes you question your current status in life, which leads to all those Sunday night questions: Why am I in such a bad mood? Do I hate my job? What am I actually doing with my life? 

The answer.  You should take note of how you respond to this question. If you get defensive, it may indicate that the person is accurately picking up vibes you’re not even conscious of. The next time you hear that comment, take a step back and observe how you’re feeling, and what you might be communicating, Yes, the question was annoying, but before you lash out, realise that it’s probably a good thing to acknowledge what you’re feeling, and to work to resolve what’s making you feel that way.

Until society acknowledges that being in a bad mood is normal, and that you don’t have to be radiating sunshine at all times, it’s best to acknowledge and accept your bad mood at the individual level.

Only when you know that you’re in a bad mood — and accept that you’re in a bad mood — will you be able to answer the “Are you in a bad mood?” question without dragging yourself deeper into the abyss: “Yeah, the f@*$ing  neighbours played until loud music till 3 a.m. last night, so I didn’t get any f@*$ing sleep. But I’ll come around.”

See? Isn’t it much better when you can express yourself like a grownup?

Be you. Don’t be told how to feel or change your mood to please others.

Have a great day ( if you want to of course )

Best wishes.

Name

Can I change?

Don’t you just hate this time of year. everywhere you turn someone is trying to sell you something. Doesn’t it drive you just mad.  Welcome to my blog.

Hey. I have a new book out!

Yep I’m one of the annoying someones trying to sell you something.  sorry about that but I have no shame. my new book  ‘Can I Change?’ is available from Amazon at  Jon Adkin on Amazon.

Book Cover

My book isn’t a hypnosis book but a book full of tips, advice, facts and affirmations to help women and especially mums control their anxiety and give themselves some self-confidence. It’s an ideal stocking filler and comes in 3 formats.

Paperback £12.50   Kindle  £9.99  e-book  £10.00 (available from jonadkin.com)

So what do you get for your money? Well it’s not war and Peace I can tell you that,  it’s a book that you can dip in and out of at your leisure. It breaks down anxiety and how it effects you at different times of  day. So there is a section on morning anxiety. how it effects you, what you can do to control it and steps that you can take to actually prevent it. Is your anxiety worse in the afternoon or evening? there is a section there for you to. Full of tips that again puts you in control. and night time anxiety. Why can’t you sleep, or why is the sleep so broken. What are you doing wrong. This book may have the answer. You may need to change some of the habits that you’ve got into. you may even have to change your diet but whatever your lifestyle I’m sure there is going to be a tip or a piece of advice that will help you.

I also look at self-confidence. What is it? how do we show ourselves to others? and most importantly how we gain it for ourselves.

Also I’m a fan of using daily affirmations. well this book has loads. and I also explain how best to use them to get the best results.

So that’s it. are you sold?

Sorry for the blatant plug but I really believe in this book and I think it will help many people before the anxiety really takes over.

Normal service will be resumed next week. My last blog before Christmas. Where did this year go?

Enjoy the last week before the big day. remember don’t put too much pressure on yourselves. Don’t get yourself in debt. make memories but most importantly of all enjoy it.

Oh before I go. one more plug.

ukplug

Have a great weekend.

Name xx

 

Sleep ZZZZZZzzzzzz

Would you believe it 2 blogs within the same week. Don’t worry it won’t last. The reason I’m back so quick is that I’m launching a freebie tomorrow. Yep I’m giving something away for free. (Hang on two blogs in a week, now giving something away… NURSE!)

As a thank you for your continued support I thought I would like to give something back, so tomorrow on my Facebook page fb.me/adkin23 I’m giving away my ‘A Better Nights Sleep’ sound file. You will be able to download and then it’s yours to keep.

In-bed-woman-cant-sleep

I often read morning posts on Facebook saying “Woke again early hours” or “Just 3 hours sleep last night”, and we all know unless we have a good nights sleep we don’t function as well the following day.

So to help people function better or even just feel better I wanted to share what I could do for you. Now of course if it’s a major issue then I would always recommend you seeing someone like your Doctor or a hypnotherapist for a one to one session, but for a lot of us it is just a habit that our bodies have got into.

Woman-on-phone-in-bed

How many wake up at roughly the same time throughout the night? I bet it’s quite a lot. That’s because your body has got use to waking up at that time. In my sound file I give you tips how to break that habit. What you MUST NOT DO is pick up your phone and start scrolling through Facebook to see who else is awake. How many of you do that?

I won’t spoil the sound file but the biggest mistake that we all make is when we wake we focus sooooo hard on trying to get back to sleep. Well as strange as it sounds the last thing we want to do is actually think about sleep. Our body is already tired as are our muscles, so think about doing something strenuous Like going for a run or  doing some gardening, something that appeals to you. You of course don’t do it but you think about doing it and because your body is already tired it says “No way am I doing that” and it drops back off to sleep.

Try it it really works.

So if you would like to get my Better Nights Sleep Sound file. pop over to my Facebook page at fb.me/adkin23 Like my page message me saying I’m in and you will receive the link, but hurry the link will only be good for a week.

Do-you-need-to-get-more-sleep

I hope to hear from you.

Night Night. zzzzzzzzzzzz

Name XX