How is your self Esteem?

Hi How are we all doing? I promised at the tail end of last year that I’m going to start using this blog and my Facebook page  to help with certain conditions or emotions etc. Well today I’m going to start doing that.

I want to start with self esteem. I’m starting with this one as it’s very close to me heart. Way back when I lost a lot of self esteem due to illness, and it was due to self hypnosis that I regained my self esteem and my own self belief.  That is why I am now a full time hypnotherapist and that is also why I want to share some tips that helped me.

So what is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. It’s based on our opinions and beliefs about ourselves, which can sometimes feel really difficult to change.

Your self-esteem can affect whether you:

  • like and value yourself as a person. Do you?
  • are able to make decisions and assert yourself. Can you?
  • recognise your strengths and positives. Do you think positive about yourself?
  • feel able to try new or difficult things. Are you scared to?
  • show kindness towards yourself. Do you do this?
  • move past mistakes without blaming yourself unfairly. It’s not easy.
  • take the time you need for yourself. Sp many of us don’t do this.
  • believe you matter and are good enough. Of course you are good enough.
  • believe you deserve happiness. Everyone deserves to be happy.

For me, building self-esteem was about learning what self-esteem was in the first place. It was unlearning what I had learned about myself … I went back to self-school and learned all about me.

What can cause low self-esteem?

The things that affect our self-esteem differs for everyone. Your self-esteem might change suddenly, or you might have had low self-esteem for a while – which might make it hard to recognise how you feel and make changes.

Difficult or stressful life experiences can often be a factor, such as:

  • being bullied or abused
  • experiencing prejudice, discrimination or stigma
  • losing your job or difficulty finding employment
  • problems at work or while studying
  • ongoing stress
  • physical health problems. This was my change point.
  • mental health problems
  • relationship problems, separation or divorce
  • worries about your appearance and body image
  • problems with money or housing.

You might have had some of these experiences, and you might also have had difficulties that aren’t listed here. Or there might not be one particular cause.

My self esteem has almost disappeared…. I don’t know how to interact with people anymore and find it hard to enjoy the things that I like

Whatever has affected your self-esteem, it’s important to remember that you have the right to feel good about who you are. It might feel as if changing things will be difficult, but there are lots of things you can try to improve things bit by bit.

So how can I improve my self-esteem?

This blog has some tips and suggestions for improving your self-esteem.

Some people may find these ideas useful, but remember that different things work for different people at different times. Only try what you feel comfortable with, and try not to put too much pressure on yourself. If something isn’t working for you (or doesn’t feel possible just now), you can try something else, or come back to it another time.

Some peoples just presume [their dislike of themselves] was a part of who they are … It is only when you realise that your self-esteem doesn’t have to be negative so start challenging your own ideas about yourself.

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Be kind to yourself

  • Get to know yourself. Try to learn more about yourself – for example what makes you happy and what you value in life. Some people say they find it helpful to write in a journal.
  • Let yourself have feelings. It’s important to remember that you’re a human being who can experience a wide range of emotions.
  • Consider what self-esteem means to you. You might realise you’re basing your sense of self-worth on things that aren’t useful or helpful for you.

Realising that I can change my ideas about what I base my self-esteem on has helped. I can’t do what I used to, but I can be the kind of person I want to be and now that seems more important to me

  • Try to challenge unkind thoughts about yourself. You might automatically put yourself down. If you find yourself doing this, it can help to ask: “Would I talk to, or think about, a friend in this way?”
  • Avoid comparing yourself to others. Try to remember that what other people choose to share about their lives isn’t the full picture and comparing ourselves isn’t realistic.
  • Say positive things to yourself. It might feel really strange at first, but you’ll feel more comfortable the more you do it.

I’ve come to realise that people get to choose what they present about themselves online … In reality, no one’s life is perfect and everyone has insecurities, and it’s important to remember this in order to not feel bad about yourself every time you see somebody post the ‘perfect’ selfie

Look after yourself

  • Try to get enough sleep. Getting too little or too much sleep can have a big impact on how you feel.
  • Think about your diet. Eating regularly and keeping your blood sugar stable can make a difference to your mood and energy levels.
  • Try to do some physical activity. Exercise can be really helpful for your mental wellbeing and some people find it helps improve their self-esteem.
  • Spend time outside. Spending time in green space can help your wellbeing.

Taking a few minutes for myself each day can really help me feel better.

Try to notice the good things

  • Celebrate your successes. No matter how small they may seem, take time to praise yourself and notice what you did well. It could also help to remember past successes.
  • Accept compliments. You could make a note of them to look over when you’re feeling low or doubting yourself.
  • Ask people what they like about you. It’s likely that they see you differently to how you see yourself.

That’s made a start and I will continue with self esteem in my next blog. but as it is valentines day this week. the best piece of advice I want to give you is

Love yourself first.

Till next time

Best wishes.

NameXX

Our thoughts can ruin us, and friendships.

Ok so this week I upset a very good friend. They thought I was insinuating something where as actually I was concerned. However their thoughts and now mine have escalated the tension. It got me thinking about points of view and how you look can look at things and overthink them and then make 2 + 2 = 6.

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Perspective is the way individuals see the world. It comes from their personal point of view and is shaped by life experiences, values, their current state of mind, the assumptions they bring into a situation, and a whole lot of other things. Reality can be different things. It can be difficult to step outside of your world and see things from someone else’s point of view, but it is beneficial! By looking at things from a different perspective, you can gain new insight into problems and improve your social interactions. Collect different types of experiences, such as by travelling, reading, and talking with people. Then, work on building empathy for other people. With persistence, seeing things from different points of view will become much easier for you!

Listen to other people carefully. Immersing yourself in someone else’s story or experiences while talking one-on-one is another great way to experience a different point of view. When you talk with other people, listen closely. Make sure to listen even if you don’t share their perspective and disagree with what they have to say.

  • Make eye contact and face the person while they are talking. (Not easy if texting I know)
  • Ask them questions if anything they say is unclear to you.
  • Let them know you are listening by rephrasing or echoing what they say now and then.

Respect people’s differences. Recognising that not everyone shares your beliefs and values may help you to see things differently. Whenever you interact with someone else, take a moment to remind yourself that they may not share your worldview, and that is okay. This may make it easier for you to gain new perspective from your interactions with them.

  • For example, you might have a coworker who performs a specific task different than you do. Their approach might be very different, but still effective.
  • Or, you might have a classmate whose family observes a different religion than your family, so their holiday celebrations might be nothing like your family’s celebrations.

 

Read or watch videos about other people’s experiences. Exposing yourself to other people’s personal experiences through books, articles, blogs, and videos may help you to gain insight into what it is like to be another person. Try reading or watching videos about people who are different from you to expose yourself to a totally new perspective.

  • For example, you can read biographies, watch documentaries, or read/watch interviews with people who are from different countries, ethnic backgrounds, religions, or political parties.

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Learn the difference between empathy and sympathy. Although these words sound similar and their meanings are often confused, they are quite different. Sympathy means that you feel sorry for someone or pity them. Empathy means that you have put yourself into the other person’s situation and considered how they must feel.

  • For example, you might feel sympathy for a homeless person on the street because their situation seems unpleasant. However, if you feel empathy for this person, you would have imagined what it is like to sleep on the hard concrete, wear the same clothes each day, beg people for money to buy food, and worry about your safety day after day.

Think about how you would feel in another person’s situation. If you meet or hear about someone who has experienced a hardship, imagine how you would feel in that person’s situation as a way to build empathy for them and gain a new perspective. How might you feel if you had gone through a similar experience? Why might you feel that way? What might you do to cope with the experience?

Aim to treat others how you would like to be treated. Thinking about how you would want someone to talk to you or help you if you were in their situation may also help you to develop empathy and understand other people’s perspectives better. Imagine what someone could say or do to help you feel better if you were in that situation, then act accordingly.

  • This may be as simple as acknowledging someone’s pain and offering to help in any way you can. For example, if someone has just experienced the death of their family pet, then they might appreciate it if you said, “I’m so sorry for your loss. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Imagine that someone said or did something mean-spirited to you. Considering the worst-case scenario may also help you to see someone else’s perspective. Think about what someone could say or do to really hurt you. Then, use this experience to help you understand the hurt feelings that someone else has experienced. This will help you to build empathy and expand your perspective.

  • For example, if someone called you an insulting name, how might you feel? What would your reaction be? Use these feelings to help you understand how someone who is different from you might feel and react if they were treated poorly.

So the bottom line I started it and then because of our state of minds we verbally assaulted each other and both said some hurtful things.

I apologised but the damage is done. I’m not washing my dirty linen in public. I’m telling you this because of two very different points of view I have possibly lost a good friend.

learn from my mistake. Think before you say or in this case text something, and if you still feel that you are in the right, stop and look at it from the other persons point of view. Could your intention be misconstrued.

Have a great week

NameXX

 

Happy February

Hi. Welcome to February.

What do mean you don’t care what month it is, they are all the same. Actually for quite a few people they do feel like this. day after day, week after week, month after month, it’s the same old. As a trained hypnotherapist and TFT/EFT Master Practitioner I work with my clients to change these thoughts and really that’s all they are thoughts that are controlling you. What you need to do is control your thoughts.

Your mind is the most powerful tool you have in your life, but if not used correctly, can also be the most destructive force in your life. Your mind, more specifically, your thoughts, affect your perception and therefore, your interpretation of reality.

I have heard that the average person thinks around 70,000 thoughts a day. That’s a lot, especially if they are unproductive, self-abusive and just a general waste of energy. You can let your thoughts run amok, but why would you? It is your mind, your thoughts; isn’t it time to take your power back? Isn’t it time to take control?

Choose to be the person you want to be. Not who someone else wants you to be.

When you change your thoughts, you will change your feelings as well, and you will also eliminate the triggers that set off those feelings. Both of these outcomes provide you with a greater level of peace in your mind.

Thoughts Are Things

Most people, most of the time, are not consciously aware of what they are thinking about – me included. At the same time, you know the impact that your thoughts can have on you. You can become depressed, angry, frustrated, lonely, disappointed, fearful, worried, sad, and doubtful – just to name a few.

On the positive side, some thoughts can make you smile, laugh out loud, feel a sense of pride, cause you to relax, make you feel confident, or – in the case of passing by a McDonald’s – make you crave an ice cold Coke.

The majority of the time, your thoughts directly control how you are feeling at any given moment – regardless of whether you are consciously aware of it or not. With that in mind, wouldn’t it be great if you could better control what you were thinking so that you could change how you were feeling at any time?

You can!

I can

Number 1 – Learn to Stop Your Thoughts

One of the first things you need to do is to learn to stop in the middle of your thoughts (good, bad, or just strange). At various times throughout the day, catch yourself thinking. How are you feeling? What are you thinking about? Why are you thinking about that topic?

Easier said than done I know.

Number 2 – Identify Your Negative Thoughts

The better you become at stopping your thoughts, the faster this step will become for you. In the meantime, I can give you a tip to make it a little bit easier: begin with how you’re feeling and work backwards. Every feeling we have is the direct result of something we were thinking. Therefore, if you’re feeling anxious, begin by stepping back for a minute, and asking yourself, “Why do I feel anxious?”

Number 3 – Find the Lie

Behind every negative thought is a lie about ourselves that we are choosing to believe whether consciously or subconsciously. A key step is to identify what that lie is. The lie could be that you’re worthless or that you’re a failure or that you’re a nobody. Maybe you were told that you are dumb or that you’ll never find a spouse who will love you. Whatever it is, identify it and discard it.

Stop listening to your critical voice.

Your a grown up now. Make your own decisions, praise yourself for a job well done. Have total self belief.

Until next time.

Have a great time.

NameXX

Something to add to my toolbox.

Hi

Since I went full time with my hypnotherapy business I have been pretty lucky to have a constant flow of clients and if any of you are reading this I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

However I like to learn and study and improve (Even at my ripe old age) So I thought I wonder if people who see my ads or talk to former clients are still sceptical or even scared of hypnotherapy. So with that in mind I started to look for an alternative which can still help my clients but in a way that suits them better. After doing a lot of research and looking around to see what was happening locally I decided to learn TFT/ EFT.

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What’s that I hear you ask. (Go on ask…) Well. Thought Field Therapy (TFT) provides a code to nature’s healing system. When applied to problems, TFT solves the fundamental causes, balancing the body’s energy system and eliminates most negative emotions… within minutes

TFT tapping is a brief, effective psychotherapy for the rapid and natural healing of negative emotions and psychological problems. Thought Field Therapy uses nature’s therapeutic system to balance the bodies energy system promoting natural healing and improved mental health. Thought Field Therapy is a natural, drug-free approach with rapid results that can be documented with Heart Rate Variability measurements.

Emotional freedom technique (EFT) is an alternative treatment for physical pain and emotional distress. It’s also referred to as tapping or psychological acupressure.

People who use this technique believe tapping the body can create a balance in your energy system and treat pain. According to its developer, Gary Craig, a disruption in energy is the cause of all negative emotions and pain.

EFT tapping has been used to treat people with anxiety and people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

 

Visit my website if you would like to know some more and how much it will cost.

I enjoyed the course so much that I extended it and have now qualified as a

Master Practitioner of TFT/EFT.

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Tap you I will

OK. so the picture may have exaggerated it a bit, but what it does mean is that I will offer my clients the very best extensive TFT/EFT sessions that are possible. and then we will lead the rebellion no no no…  Ps. If you are not a Star Wars Fan I have not gone mad. However I’m about the same size as Yoda but I’m not green and I have smaller ears.

 

So what are your plans for this year? I aim to build up my practice and help as many people enjoy a more rewarding and fulfilling life.  Hopefully not a tall order but one that I will pursue. From next month I am going to offer tips and advice not only on my Facebook page   but also here in my blog.

If you’re stressed, whether by your job or something more personal, the first step to feeling better is to identify the cause.

The most unhelpful thing you can do is turn to something unhealthy to help you cope, such as smoking or drinking.

“In life, there’s always a solution to a problem,” “Not taking control of the situation and doing nothing will only make your problems worse.” The keys to good stress management are building emotional strength, being in control of your situation, having a good social network, and adopting a positive outlook.

I will help you adopt that positive outlook.

Until next time. Have a safe week and keep smiling.

Best wishes

Name

                           XX 

 

 

Blue Monday?

Hi

Welcome back or just welcome if you have never been here before.January is nearly done, well done, you survived another month. This blog I want to look at all these new days and specials etc that we seem to be getting, Black Friday, Cyber Monday etc etc. The latest one was January 21st this year known as Blue Monday. What’s that all about?

Well according to the media. Blue Monday is a day on which we feel gloomy or dispirited, especially as we have to return to work after the weekend. This particular Monday is towards the end of January which is meant to be the most depressing day as credit cards bills come in, and the bank balance is low, so we feel pretty low, even depressed.

What a load of rubbish! Sorry but Monday 21st is no different to Tuesday 22nd or even Monday 14th. Why should we feel low or depressed just because the media tells us. How many of you woke up on Blue Monday and felt great, you was happy and smiling you didn’t care what day it was, you felt great. Then you got to work and your friends were talking about Blue Monday, and how you should feel blue, miserable even depressed.

Guess what. As soon as they started telling you that you should feel grumpy, your good mood when right out of the window. Be honest how many of you did that?

If you’ve ever sulked through the day just waiting for it to be over, only for someone to walk up and comment on your bleak mood with a “Wow, someone’s in a bad mood,” it can pull you even deeper into dreariness. Weirder yet is the fact that you can be in an actually okay mood, but being accused of being in a bad mood will immediately ruin it.

Listen, we’re not in a bad mood, we’re fine. Okay?

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In a sense, since being outwardly upset is out of the ordinary in our society — especially for adults — someone pointing out you’re in a bad mood can make you feel like a child. In the adult world, your slight grimace and short answers are the grown-up equivalent of kicking and writhing around on the floor. You can’t control your emotions, you child. This shame compounds your bad mood, and now everything is terrible.

So what’s the answer?  Be upfront and honest with yourself about your mood,  Much like accurately identifying what you’re angry at, acknowledging your rotten mood and giving yourself permission to feel that way can be helpful. “Acceptance starts with you,”  “If someone asks and you don’t want to talk about it, you can just say, ‘Yes, but I’ll be okay. What’s up?’ Or, ‘Yes but don’t worry, it’s not about you.’

YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU’RE IN A BAD MOOD IN THE FIRST PLACE

The question can also hold a magnifying glass up to some of the darker insecurities you might have been ignoring. Human beings interpret each other’s facial expressions, body language, tone, eye contact and other senses, unconsciously or otherwise,  In some cases, an individual might read into the unspoken signals that the other may be feeling, but not expressing directly.”

In other words, in your mind, you’re just going about your day, but on the outside, you’re slouching, staring forlornly out a rainy window and sighing on every third breath. When another person senses this, for better or worse, they’ll ask you about it.

It’s like being on a walk and someone pointing out how hot it is. Oh God, it’s so hot, you suddenly realise, I’m on fire. This is the worst day of my life. The same goes for someone pointing out your bad mood: It makes you question your current status in life, which leads to all those Sunday night questions: Why am I in such a bad mood? Do I hate my job? What am I actually doing with my life? 

The answer.  You should take note of how you respond to this question. If you get defensive, it may indicate that the person is accurately picking up vibes you’re not even conscious of. The next time you hear that comment, take a step back and observe how you’re feeling, and what you might be communicating, Yes, the question was annoying, but before you lash out, realise that it’s probably a good thing to acknowledge what you’re feeling, and to work to resolve what’s making you feel that way.

Until society acknowledges that being in a bad mood is normal, and that you don’t have to be radiating sunshine at all times, it’s best to acknowledge and accept your bad mood at the individual level.

Only when you know that you’re in a bad mood — and accept that you’re in a bad mood — will you be able to answer the “Are you in a bad mood?” question without dragging yourself deeper into the abyss: “Yeah, the f@*$ing  neighbours played until loud music till 3 a.m. last night, so I didn’t get any f@*$ing sleep. But I’ll come around.”

See? Isn’t it much better when you can express yourself like a grownup?

Be you. Don’t be told how to feel or change your mood to please others.

Have a great day ( if you want to of course )

Best wishes.

Name