Love Yourself First

February Blog in Spoken Word

In This Month Of Love. Love you first.
Welcome to my February blog. So this month I would like to talk about self-love. Well, it is February and that means the month of love, but why is self-love important. Well, there is a quote that says
“Self-Love is not selfish; you cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself.”
And that is so true. As I’ve said many times “It all starts with you.”
How can you expect others to love you if you don’t love yourself. Think about it. Could you love you if you met yourself at a party? To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness. Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing.


So how can you love yourself? Well let me help you.
The first step in learning to love yourself is understanding the meaning of self-love. Think of it in the context of the love you have for your partner or a close friend: You are aware of their flaws but appreciate how those imperfections make up the person you care about, trust and support. Now turn all that compassion, forgiveness and understanding inward. “Self-love means accepting your strengths, your weaknesses and everything in between
It’s so easy to tell someone “Love yourself” and much more difficult to describe how to do it. Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good; it is an action. Self-love is a choice. It is a way of relating to yourself that involves being understanding for your mistakes, understanding in your losses, and being able to effectively communicate with yourself about life without harshly judging or punishing yourself.

It all Starts With You

Research has shown that learning how to self-love is associated with:

  • Less anxiety and depression
  • Better recovery from stress
  • An overall more optimistic outlook on life
  • Better adherence to healthy behaviour changes

In short, self-love is how you view yourself and how you treat yourself.

Why is Self-Love Important?

Learning how to self-love is important to living happier and healthier in every aspect of your life. It influences who you pick to be your mate for life, the image you project at work, how you accomplish your work, the way you raise your children, the way you interact with those around you and the way you cope with the problems in your life.

Why You Might Be Lacking Self-Love

Low self-esteem or lack of self-love is something that could be developed in childhood and carry through to adulthood. Or, it is something that could present itself solely in adulthood.

Some negative behaviours that can be attributed to a lack of self-love, according to the National Association for Self-Esteem:

  • Earlier sexual activity
  • Alcohol and drug abuse
  • Self-harm
  • Eating disorders

You might be lacking self-love for a variety of reasons or habits, as noted above. It can be because of the actions of those around you, because of a traumatic event in your life, because you lacked a good example of self-love, or simply because of a way of thinking that you innately practice. But, one important thing to remember is that low self-esteem due to a lack of self-love is not an accurate reflection of reality, rather a reflection of your perception on reality.

Tips to Learn How to Self-Love

While self-love is not necessarily innate, it can be taught. Here are some helpful tips on how to self-love today:

Recognise How You Are Feeling

You’ve probably heard the cliché saying that “the first step to overcoming a problem is admitting that you have one.” Well, one of the first steps to learning how to self-love is kind of similar – it is becoming aware of yourself. We all feel a variety of emotions throughout our life – sadness, anger, frustration, loneliness, happiness, and more. When something is off, it is important to take a moment to recognise how you are feeling at that moment and why.

Why are you sad? Why are you angry? Why are you happy? In self-love, you must be mindful so that you can begin to shift any negative state that is involved in those feelings.

Accept How You Are Feeling

While there is nothing wrong with feeling any of the emotions we mentioned or others, it is important that once you recognise your emotions you can accept them. Whether you want to feel it or not, the feeling is there. Take a moment to pause and sit with that feeling. Now, scan your body to see where you feel it.

Think About Your Feelings from an Outsider’s Perspective

How would you feel if you saw a loved one experiencing the feeling you are experiencing at that moment? Then, think about how you might encourage them to proceed. What is funny about life and our brains is that we treat ourselves entirely different than we treat others. While we might try to enforce a positive behaviour on our friend or family member experiencing a negative emotion, we would beat ourselves up for feeling this way. View this situation with a kind eye and be kind to yourself. Love yourself in that moment and all moments.

Forgive Yourself

This self-love tip really has two points to it: First, decide what it will take to forgive yourself for whatever the situation is. Second, make a conscious decision to forgive yourself. We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes, but it is important to give yourself a break. You can be your own worst enemy at times. When you believe you have made a mistake, decide what action you can take to make it right in your own eyes. Then, use self-talk to encourage yourself to take that step toward forgiveness.

Say No to Others

Sometimes practising self-love isn’t just about speaking kindly to ourselves when we are feeling certain emotions. It can also be about taking care of ourselves when others are around. Set boundaries. Make time for yourself. It is okay to tell people “no” if you think that you need to. Love yourself enough to make the right decision for you, not for anyone else. Self-love is a continuous action, a continuous process, a continuous choice. You should constantly be investing in yourself by working on doing things that promote self-love.

Accept Help

One way to continuously ensure you are focusing on how to self-love and putting tips like these into practice is to consider seeing a therapist regularly for support. Book an appointment and start your journey to learning how to self-love.

Self-love is vital to your overall well-being. Invest in your self – you matter.

You Are important

Until next month. Stay Healthy, Stay Happy and Start to LOVE YOURSELF that little bit more.

Jon X

Jon Adkin BAHyp Clinical Hypnotherapist and IEMT Practitioner.

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Self-Love it’s not selfish. It’s important.

Hi welcome to my Valentine’s Blog.

My Valentines YouTube message.

If you are with your ideal partner today, or with your soul mate, congratulations. Be happy. However, if you are alone today and it doesn’t matter If you are recently separated, or if you have been unattached for a long time. You might want to ask yourself why you are alone. I see many people at my practice who really don’t like themselves. When they look in the mirror of a morning in some cases, they really do not like the person looking back at them.

If you feel like this, if you don’t like yourself, then how can you expect others to like or more importantly, love you. You must love yourself first, before others will love you. Self-love is not conceited, it’s important. If you don’t like yourself, if you don’t love yourself others around you will feel that negativity.  Our Moods are infectious, our body language and our actions, express so much of how we are feeling.

If you have gone out reluctantly with friends, and you just stand there and moan or you don’t join in conversations your mood will soon spread amongst your friends. If you are all doom and gloom, your friends will soon stop asking you to join them on nights out. Look at the bigger picture. If you was to walk into a pub, And there were some friends to the right looking unhappy and all moaning about the weather order price of bread, And there is another group of friends to the left all smiling and laughing and joking. What group would you join? Of course, you would join the happy cheerful group. You don’t want a night out and feel miserable and down. So, you see how you feel about yourself is important, not only to yourself but also to those around you, positivity attracts positivity and negativity attacks negativity. So, unless you want to drown in negativity start to change how you feel about yourself.

Before you can receive love and respect from others, you need to love and respect yourself. Some people equate self-love with selfishness. But that isn’t true , when you think this way it becomes hard to take care of yourself, so delete that limiting belief from your mind and create a new belief that says to yourself it’s OK to put my needs first. The good news is, when you love yourself fully you become a better version of yourself. Love attracts love so you are drawn to give to others, and you will have the energy to give and in turn receive the love that you want.

Self-love is important for numerous reasons. It has a profound impact on how we see ourselves and how we treat ourselves. Everyone needs self-love. While it’s great to be on the receiving end of love from others it’s also important to practice self-love daily. Self-love motivates you to make healthy choices in life. When you believe in yourself when you hold yourself in high esteem you are more likely to choose things that nurture you and your wellbeing. By that I mean healthy eating exercising or having a healthy relationship. By doing these things you expressed love for yourself and you showing life as being the best version of you.

Self-love is important also when it comes to setting boundaries in relationship. Having a clear understanding of what your boundaries are and being able to set them communicates that you value yourself. As a result, you’re more likely to have a more loving relationship. Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for the relationship you have with others. When you treat yourself with love and respect you give others permission to do the same.

Without self-love, you drastically decrease your ability to be successful at anything. I have seen first-hand a lack of self-love end someone’s career and any chances for success. How many highly successful people do you think look in the mirror every day and say, ‘I hate myself’. Without self-love you drastically decrease your ability to be successful at anything. Failed businesses, relationships, friendships, all for the lack of self-love. When you have self-love, you understand who you are at the very core of your being, and you accept who you are with all the flaws. Self-acceptance has, over and over again, been shown to be a key indicator of success. Self-love is the next step after self-acceptance imagine how vital it is for the success of true happiness or any aspect of your life. The process of achieving self-love may look different for each person but there are some key steps that everyone needs to take.

Figure out what you’re good at and what you’re not. Don’t kill yourself trying to get rid of weaknesses understand that no one is good at everything and work on improving your strengths.

Eliminate toxic relationships. The road to loving yourself is going to be extremely bumpy if you are trying to get there with a toxic person in your life.

Get rid of that sinking thinking. Find ways that work for you to challenge your inner critic and eliminate negative self-talk

Move forward with authenticity. If you are a place in life where you have to hide parts of yourself to get along, make the necessary changes so that you can be your true authentic self everywhere you go. If you can’t do that at work, find a new job. It takes way too much energy to wear a mask every day.

Treat yourself well. Take time to appreciate yourself. Congratulate yourself on a job well done. Have a great meal, go do something fun. Once you find your sense of self and become more self-aware and developed through self-love, opportunities will present themselves.

The only thing standing between you and your success and happiness is yourself. Go get some self-love you deserve it.

I think self-love is critical. I believe it is hard to love others well when you do not take the time to understand who you are and embrace your story. So many relationships are unhealthy and unbalanced because individuals are seeking others to make them complete.

No one is responsible for their own happiness but themselves. Too often we put others needs before our own. You can still please others but make time for yourself and it is by practicing self-love that you can find that healthy balance. So, do it now do it before it’s too late love and accept yourself and then allow others to love and accept you. I wish you every success

until next week. Have a great week and take care.

Best wishes

Jon X

Jon Adkin BAHyp Hypnotherapist.

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge.

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon.

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