Love Yourself First

February Blog in Spoken Word

In This Month Of Love. Love you first.
Welcome to my February blog. So this month I would like to talk about self-love. Well, it is February and that means the month of love, but why is self-love important. Well, there is a quote that says
“Self-Love is not selfish; you cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself.”
And that is so true. As I’ve said many times “It all starts with you.”
How can you expect others to love you if you don’t love yourself. Think about it. Could you love you if you met yourself at a party? To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness. Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing.


So how can you love yourself? Well let me help you.
The first step in learning to love yourself is understanding the meaning of self-love. Think of it in the context of the love you have for your partner or a close friend: You are aware of their flaws but appreciate how those imperfections make up the person you care about, trust and support. Now turn all that compassion, forgiveness and understanding inward. “Self-love means accepting your strengths, your weaknesses and everything in between
It’s so easy to tell someone “Love yourself” and much more difficult to describe how to do it. Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good; it is an action. Self-love is a choice. It is a way of relating to yourself that involves being understanding for your mistakes, understanding in your losses, and being able to effectively communicate with yourself about life without harshly judging or punishing yourself.

It all Starts With You

Research has shown that learning how to self-love is associated with:

  • Less anxiety and depression
  • Better recovery from stress
  • An overall more optimistic outlook on life
  • Better adherence to healthy behaviour changes

In short, self-love is how you view yourself and how you treat yourself.

Why is Self-Love Important?

Learning how to self-love is important to living happier and healthier in every aspect of your life. It influences who you pick to be your mate for life, the image you project at work, how you accomplish your work, the way you raise your children, the way you interact with those around you and the way you cope with the problems in your life.

Why You Might Be Lacking Self-Love

Low self-esteem or lack of self-love is something that could be developed in childhood and carry through to adulthood. Or, it is something that could present itself solely in adulthood.

Some negative behaviours that can be attributed to a lack of self-love, according to the National Association for Self-Esteem:

  • Earlier sexual activity
  • Alcohol and drug abuse
  • Self-harm
  • Eating disorders

You might be lacking self-love for a variety of reasons or habits, as noted above. It can be because of the actions of those around you, because of a traumatic event in your life, because you lacked a good example of self-love, or simply because of a way of thinking that you innately practice. But, one important thing to remember is that low self-esteem due to a lack of self-love is not an accurate reflection of reality, rather a reflection of your perception on reality.

Tips to Learn How to Self-Love

While self-love is not necessarily innate, it can be taught. Here are some helpful tips on how to self-love today:

Recognise How You Are Feeling

You’ve probably heard the cliché saying that “the first step to overcoming a problem is admitting that you have one.” Well, one of the first steps to learning how to self-love is kind of similar – it is becoming aware of yourself. We all feel a variety of emotions throughout our life – sadness, anger, frustration, loneliness, happiness, and more. When something is off, it is important to take a moment to recognise how you are feeling at that moment and why.

Why are you sad? Why are you angry? Why are you happy? In self-love, you must be mindful so that you can begin to shift any negative state that is involved in those feelings.

Accept How You Are Feeling

While there is nothing wrong with feeling any of the emotions we mentioned or others, it is important that once you recognise your emotions you can accept them. Whether you want to feel it or not, the feeling is there. Take a moment to pause and sit with that feeling. Now, scan your body to see where you feel it.

Think About Your Feelings from an Outsider’s Perspective

How would you feel if you saw a loved one experiencing the feeling you are experiencing at that moment? Then, think about how you might encourage them to proceed. What is funny about life and our brains is that we treat ourselves entirely different than we treat others. While we might try to enforce a positive behaviour on our friend or family member experiencing a negative emotion, we would beat ourselves up for feeling this way. View this situation with a kind eye and be kind to yourself. Love yourself in that moment and all moments.

Forgive Yourself

This self-love tip really has two points to it: First, decide what it will take to forgive yourself for whatever the situation is. Second, make a conscious decision to forgive yourself. We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes, but it is important to give yourself a break. You can be your own worst enemy at times. When you believe you have made a mistake, decide what action you can take to make it right in your own eyes. Then, use self-talk to encourage yourself to take that step toward forgiveness.

Say No to Others

Sometimes practising self-love isn’t just about speaking kindly to ourselves when we are feeling certain emotions. It can also be about taking care of ourselves when others are around. Set boundaries. Make time for yourself. It is okay to tell people “no” if you think that you need to. Love yourself enough to make the right decision for you, not for anyone else. Self-love is a continuous action, a continuous process, a continuous choice. You should constantly be investing in yourself by working on doing things that promote self-love.

Accept Help

One way to continuously ensure you are focusing on how to self-love and putting tips like these into practice is to consider seeing a therapist regularly for support. Book an appointment and start your journey to learning how to self-love.

Self-love is vital to your overall well-being. Invest in your self – you matter.

You Are important

Until next month. Stay Healthy, Stay Happy and Start to LOVE YOURSELF that little bit more.

Jon X

Jon Adkin BAHyp Clinical Hypnotherapist and IEMT Practitioner.

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Are you supported?

Hi.

How you all doing? Better than Theresa May I bet. Don’t worry I’m not going all  political. What I want to blog about this week is support. Support from your family, from your friends and if your in business support of your customers or clients. A support network is very important.

One of the reasons Theresa May resigned is because she did not have the support of her cabinet. Without that support you are facing an uphill battle. When my clients come to me they want to change. I quickly establish why they want to change and who they want to change for. If it’s themselves then great, if it’s to please others then that is not so great. Trying to change to please others is not always a good idea and in the long term not always right for them. However is a client comes to me and wants to change for whatever reason, it could be weight loss or to stop smoking, or just to gain more confidence etc and they tell me it’s for them so that they can start to enjoy life more, then I will do all that I can to help that client, but on top of my help they need the support and the encouragement from those around them. Immediate family, friends and work colleagues. a few kind words of encouragement go a long way. and it means the world to the person who is trying to make that change.

I will be honest when I decided to leave my job and a steady wage to start my hypnotherapy business I lost some friends and family support, (not all but the ones who mattered) and without those it has felt lonely at times. However I have great self belief (Thanks to hypnotherapy) and I am making a success of the business, but it would still be so much sweeter with the full support of family and friends.

And now a commercial break

May Book

My book Can I Change. Available from Amazon. 

So what can you do to help and support someone who wants to or needs to change.  Well the first thing is show them support (even if you have doubts) give them words of encouragement boost their confidence, just be there. ListenYour very presence can be a comfort to a friend. Sometimes keeping someone company while they go through their trials is a gift in itself. Expand your friend’s perspective. If your friend seems to be afflicted with tunnel vision, help them expand their perspective. You could say, “There could be another way to look at this. What about…?” You could also expand perspective by pointing out the consequences of their actions to their future self: “This may seem like a good idea at this moment, but how will you feel in a week? A month? A year?” And you can shrink an overstated problem with a saying like, “This too shall pass.” If you dare, help them empathise with the other person in the conflict. Ask, “How can I help?” But be prepared to set boundaries if direct help would draw you too tightly into your friend’s knotty problem. What might work with one friend might not work with another. Use your good judgement. Ideally, your advice will strengthen your friend and give them more confidence in their own judgement in the future. And if you feel like you are getting in too deep, remember that ultimately it’s your friend’s job to solve their own problems, not you.

If your friend or family member is starting a new business, here are some ways that you could help them too.

Motivation and loneliness are among the top unforeseen challenges of starting a business. Staying motivated is critical to keeping a business alive, but it isn’t something you can buy. Family, friends, and colleagues can be a great source of motivation.  So even if you’ve never started a business, you can be instrumental in helping others start and maintain their own. Here’s what you can do to offer your support:

Take Them Out to Lunch

Starting a business can be lonely when you feel you are the only one that believes in your vision. That worsens when you have to work in isolation on initial business planning.

Invite your friend out to lunch or dinner for a ‘business meeting’. Let them talk to you about the challenges, goals, and recent successes in their business. Or, if they want a little break from the madness this could be a great opportunity to catch up and take a break from their business. Be open. Take their lead for the topic of conversation.

Ask How You Can Help

Funding is an important part of starting a business, but it’s not the only thing that matters. Marketing, sales, operations, and accounting are also critical parts to a successful business. Ask what is need and how you might be of help. This is could be a great opportunity for you to sharpen some skills that you are not using in your own day-to-day job. Ask, you might be surprised with what they say.

Share Resources

Networking is powerful. If you hear of networking events, find a professional organisation, or just meet someone that you think would be a great resource – be sure to share that info with your friend. You can make an introduction via LinkedIn or emails, or just text over a link.

Have Impactful Interactions

In an industry where you have to constantly prove your business value and trajectory, it’s important to stay encouraged.  Encourage your friend by reminding them of their potential and initial vision. Remember those ‘small victories’ or ‘resources’ that might help them push through hard times. Like their posts. Make comments on their facebook or Instagram pages. Promote their website.

As Mr Tesco once said Every little helps.

Until next time. Have a great week

Jon XX

I’m Passionate.

Hi Welcome to the end of May.

Now did the title of this blog interest you? Are you expecting a blog all about relationships and loving? if you are you may be a little disappointed.  What I was pointing out is that I’m passionate about my work (Sorry to disappoint). I’ve just spent a few days in Ireland and whilst I was there I caught up with some of the extended family and of course the conversations got round to my work and hypnotherapy especially.  Now once I get talking about what I do, I won’t stop, and the one word that kept coming out was passion. they pointed out to me how passionate I am about hypnotherapy, how passionate I am towards helping others and how passionate I was to build my business.

You know what they are absolutely right. I am passionate, and if that comes across, then I’m pleased. When I was working at the school I loved my job and I enjoyed seeing the children develop, but now It’s different. I see clients perhaps for only 3 or 4 sessions and in that time we work together to turn that persons life around, and we do.

In my last blog Do you feel lucky.  I told you why I do what I do, and it’s good to know that my passion still comes across.

Are you passionate about anything?

The thing is, the biggest misconception about people finding their passion is that the ones who haven’t found it yet think it will just click for them and come naturally. That’s not the case. Our passion is something we stick with long enough to thoroughly enjoy doing it, that we don’t even mind working for long hours on it.

Here are my tips to help you find your passion. Pick something that you’re naturally talented at, and just stick with it. It doesn’t matter if you want to switch or you don’t like it anymore, pursue it long enough to be able to win a couple of competitions in that field. Then, you will feel extremely good about it and will want to continue pursuing it, because you feel like you’re the best at it!

The thing about us humans is that, when we feel or “accept” that we can’t be the best at something, we lose interest in it and move on to something else. That’s what being lazy is all about- when we easily give up and move onto something that we think is easier. The people who actually find their passion are those who stick with one thing long enough to be at the top.

People with a passion are able to enjoy it for a long time because what they do makes them feel good about themselves, that they are better than everyone else at it. But how do you become the best at something? Well by spending more time on that thing than other people.

So don’t worry about not being passionate about anything right now. Very rarely will someone be passionate about something from the start. Find something you like or something you are talented at, and once you spend enough time to become an expert at it, trust me, you’ll always enjoy doing it. Passion is that satisfactory feeling that comes as a result of forcing yourself to become skilled enough to beat others, putting you on top of the world!

It sounds like that’s the same case with you and pretty much everyone else who doesn’t enjoy their work. You may “like” some things, but once you get put down by others who are better than you, you quit. To overcome that and turn something into your passion, don’t give up so easily and keep on pursuing it until you reach the top.

BP Image 5

Who knows what your passion may be.

here are 10 things to get passionate about.

1. Yourself

You will end up spending the rest of your life with yourself! Investing passion into your self, your self-improvement, and future development is always going to be a good investment.

Of course, that can be much easier said than done for a lot of people. Anything ranging from mental health problems to general set-backs in life can prevent a person from seeing their own value and worth.

2. Animals

Animals and pets serve as a comforting escape for so many people. They are relatively uncomplicated, especially when compared to trying to navigate the difficulties of work, life, relationships, and friendships.

Animals are fairly simple and offer unconditional love, which inspires similar passion in animal lovers and pet owners.

A passion for animals can extend to your own pets, volunteering at shelters, pet sitting, bird watching, dog walking, or just sitting at a dog park and watching the animals play.

3. Hobbies

There are so many different hobbies and interests out there to take part in.

Developing a passion for a hobby, particularly a hobby that you can share with others, can really help ignite passion and creativity in other areas of your life.

4. Art

Few things invoke passion in people like art, even if we aren’t necessarily an artist ourselves.

There is something to be said about the magnificence of seeing masterpieces of creativity, whether they are paintings, sculptures, writing, or anything that a person creates through their vision and effort.

5. Uplifting Others

Kindness is an investment that always pays back dividends, not necessarily from the outside, but for one’s own peace of mind and soul.

People are social creatures and we benefit from socialisation. In many ways, what we put out into the world is returned to us in the form of our own inner peace, happiness, contentment, and well-being.

That makes developing passion for others into something that can really help with our peace of mind and place in life.

Developing a habit for uplifting and helping others, whether it’s in your personal life or through charity work with others, is a great choice.

6. Learning

A passion for learning can open so many doors and broaden your horizons.

Learning is a gift that continuously gives to the person who is nurturing and growing their knowledge.

Learning also pairs well with experiences. It’s one thing to read a book or listen to a lecture, but actually going out and partaking in a new activity that you learned about can help you meet new people and develop a deeper understanding.

7. Simplifying

Life is a complicated machine with an infinite array of moving parts. Developing a passion for simplification can help bring everything into a more orderly focus.

Life, of course, is not always easy or predictable. Things will come out of nowhere that can affect your life either positively or negatively.

Simplification can help reduce your stress, make it easier to interpret situations, and make better decisions in the overall grand scheme of things.

8. Health And Fitness

A passion for health and fitness will boost your well-being in the future.

The body is a machine that must be taken care of if we want it to perform well for an extended period of time. Developing a passion for health and fitness will not only help with physical health, but it helps improve one’s mental health and overall well-being.

9. Career

A career-minded person with a strong passion for what they do, whether it is something mundane or magnificent, can make a significant difference in the world and within their industry.

There are some loud voices and opinions shouting down the importance of passion and happiness about having a career, which is strange, since most of us are going to spend at least a third of our adult life working.

Finding peace, happiness, and passion in one’s career can make that time much less stressful.

And if you have a career that you don’t like or don’t feel passionate about, maybe it’s time to start looking at other options and exploring new opportunities before quitting your job and starting afresh.

There are so many roads to success and happiness out there. There’s no reason to force yourself onto just one.

10. Taking Action

The ability to take action is what leads to positive changes in one’s life and well-being.

Well wishes, ideas, and inspiration is all quite cheap and shallow. Success in all things goes to the people who choose to take action and work on their goals.

Dedication and discipline are what keep people moving forward through the low times when they doubt themselves or their path.

Anxiety and fear fade away with action, because you gain experience and build confidence in your ability to tackle the things that are in front of you.

There is no more important passion in life to develop than one for taking action. Action is what leads to every single successful venture, whether it’s personal development or professional.

And it’s super easy to start! All you need to do is choose to do the work.

Now it’s your turn. What are you passionate about? Leave a comment below to share your passions with others who might be looking for inspiration.

Have a great week.

Jon XX

Do you feel Lucky punk?

Do you remember that quote from Dirty Harry (Old Clint Eastwood film. What do you mean who is Clint Eastwood) Actually it’s a misquote, what was actually said was, “You’ve got to ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?” Do you feel lucky?

I know I do, but why. I’m short (not far off from an Elf according to my youngest son who is 6 foot tall) I’m balding rapidly, I’ve had two major heart attacks, 2 strokes, I have metal shoulders and I’m registered disabled. So what have I go to feel lucky about? Easy answer, Everything. I’m still here, I’m loving what I do helping other people and  for me and my health each day is a gift, which I enjoy opening.

know I know if you were to go by my medical records I am a mess. (Thought they were going to name a bench after me in the grounds of the local hospital at one point) but I am lucky. Lets go back to the early 60s I was born in Gloucester to a woman who decided for whatever reason she could not keep me. Now I could have just been abandoned somewhere. Left in a doorway or worse, but no. I was put up for adoption (Lucky break) at 18 months I was adopted by the best family ever and that goes for the extended family as well. (Lucky break) I had the best childhood down in London and without being spoilt I couldn’t have asked for more. I was bought up knowing I was adopted, and the way it was told me was that I was special as I was chosen. (Ok Dad wanted a girl, but luckily she was a messy eater, so they chose me) (Lucky break).

As a young adult I was a drummer in a band and thought that was going to be my future. However my shoulders had other ideas. 16 dislocations of the left shoulder in one year (Bloody painful) I had my first pin put in on the day John Lennon was shot. 8th December 1980. (Ok I can see you thinking that’s not lucky) stay with me.

That pin didn’t last long nor did the next, or the next.  Then my right shoulder started to dislocate a lot. More ops. So how is this lucky? My dislocations were wearing away my shoulder blades. Back then I could have easily have lost use of my arms but there was a surgeon in Cambridge who wanted to try something a bit radical on a young man A shoulder fusion (Lucky break). Which means I have no use of my shoulders and very restricted movement, (which I have got use to), but I have the use of my arms.  Now my operating theatre must have looked like the hardware shelf in B&Q

Shoulders

See what I mean

So my drumming career was over as was my very short love of golf. but I had my arms. now after some sick time I had to think which direction my career would go. Now because I had become a house husband I was responsible for getting my eldest ready for school and on on the school bus each day, which I did for quite a time but each morning the head teacher use to drive past and one day she stopped (Lucky break) she asked what I did with my days while I was undergoing physiotherapy. I said not a lot so she offered to drive me in each day and I could listen to readers and help with art (my other love). Well to cut a long story short I was there for 25 years and I ended up becoming the IT manger. In that time I made some wonderful friends and met so many lovely families and worked with some lovely children. (Lucky break)

Because I believe in myself I am still achieving. I’ve written and illustrated 9 books now. (6 children’s books, 2 poem books and and a book on anxiety. I’m still setting new goals and while I am breathing I always will

Now at long last I get to the point. I didn’t have much to feel lucky about but my mindset remained positive and it always will do. When I lost my confidence and self esteem I turned to hypnotherapy to get me through, and it did. Not only did it get me through It got me beyond where I was. I used the Paul Mckenna Self hypnosis videos back then and continued to use them as my life took a whole new direction. I am now a qualified hypnotherapist and having left the school. I have my own private practise in Suffolk helping people who want help to improve their lives. I’ve written this blog because on Facebook this week I saw a post from someone saying “only bad things happen to me.” well that isn’t true. I know this person. They have their health. They are married, they have their own house, they have a job, they have a car and they have two very healthy children.  Yes they have ups and downs in life but we all have them. It’s how we deal with them and how we let it effect us.

If you ignore all the good things that happen in your life and just focus on the bad times then yes you will think you have a bad life. Those negative thoughts will consume you and you will miss out on the good points as you are sat waiting for the next bad thing to happen.

We can’t be happy all the time but we can be positive and we can flip those thoughts.

Fall down the stairs.

Negative thought… I’m gonna be in pain all day.

Positive thought…Wow I got down here quick.

Don’t let a bad 5 minutes in the day ruin that day and sometimes the rest of the week. Move on, learn from the mistake and improve yourself.

If you need help I’m here and there are many great hypnotherapists around the world that can help you. If it’s the past or your past learnings that’s holding you back. We can help with that too. We can’t change the past, but we can change how you think about it  how you let it affect you.

Change the way you talk to yourself, quiet down that critical voice in your head. You are in control of your thoughts.

Think positive, smile more and appreciate all that you have.

Have a great weekend

Jon XX

 

 

It’s nearly here.

Hi,

Welcome to this weeks blog. Guess what it’s about. anyone…. anyone…… Bueller?…. anyone? Ok I will tell you. It’s all about my weight loss programme launch. Well what a surprise.

Tomorrow I am launching my new weight loss programme All in Good Thyme. For those of you that follow me on Facebook will know that I have been promoting this a lot for the last week.  This programme has been in development for a while and has been getting some good results. varied but good. The main thing is that the clients who trialled it for me were happy. they all lost weight. some more so than others but they all lost.

So why did they lose different amounts if they were all following the same programme? Well it’s down to the individual client and how much they want it.  This programme doesn’t supply recipes to follow or exercise routines to carry out. What this programme does is changes your relationship with food, and how you see and feel about yourself.

I work on the principle that before you can deal with the issue, you must accept the issue and then make small changes to improve yourself.  This programme is not a quick fix. However done right it can be a permanent fix.

Puzzle

People often ask me the question ‘how can hypnosis actually help me lose weight?’ Here are 10 ways hypnosis can help you lose weight, and maintain your ideal weight thereafter.

  1. Hypnosis helps your subconscious mind take back the control over your eating habits. If you currently feel that food controls you and it needs to be the other way around then weight loss hypnosis will support you to achieve that goal.
  2. Clinical hypnosis for weight loss will help you increase your self esteem  so that you rely less on food for comfort. Weight loss hypnosis will help you to feel better about yourself and live a more confident life.
  3. If you find that you are an impulsive eater then hypnosis can create a mind trigger so that you stop, look and listen before eating.
  4. Weight loss hypnosis will help you to increase and maintain high levels of self motivation to lose weight so that you stay on track. Motivation can be a challenge for many looking to lose weight. Hypnosis can help ensure you remain enthused about your body transformation.
  5. Hypnosis for weight loss works with the ancillary issues including letting go of any past trauma that has lead you in turn to rely on food for comfort.
  6. Hypnotherapy and hypnosis for weight loss can increase your mojo to do more exercise. It is a struggle for many to get up each day and exercise. Hypnosis can be motivational and encourage you to do the exercise you choose.
  7. Weight loss hypnosis will help you for the long term because each day you can plant new suggestions into your subconscious mind that are tailored to your specific needs.
  8. Hypnosis will help you to control binge eating by delivering a strong suggestion that you are now back in control and food is no longer the boss.
  9. If you are driven and motivated by goals then hypnosis for weight loss will drive your focus to those goals. During weight loss hypnosis you can visualise and experience the goals mentally so that your excitement to achieve is heightened.
  10. Hypnosis for weight loss will increase your overall wellbeing, your recognition of self and your enthused determination to achieve the transformation you deserve.

You may have tried so many weight loss solutions and now recognise that losing weight is a mindset issue. Hypnosis is something you may want to now explore deeper.

This programme can work alongside traditional diets such as Slimming World, Weightwatchers, the Cambridge Diet and many others.

All in Good Thyme offers my Peace of mind guarantee this is a 12 month contact agreement where you as my client can contact me should you ever feel that you are slipping back to that dark place, and we work together to get you back to where you want to be.

Now if you are quick I am offering an early Bird discount of 25% off but only till the 1st. Follow this link to take advantage of this offer now.

I hope to see you on the journey.

Have a great week

Jon XX

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