Are you Mr or Mrs Angry?

Hi.

In my hypnotherapy practice I have recently seen a big increase with clients visiting me saying they can’t contain their anger and frustration.  The good thing is that they are contacting me and are wanting to do something about it. but why is this happening now?

Could it be Brexit. Could it be extra worry about what’s happening to our country. or is it just life in general?

Anger itself isn’t a problem — it’s how you handle it. Consider the nature of anger, as well as how to manage anger and what to do when you’re confronted by someone whose anger is out of control.

What is anger?

Anger is a natural response to perceived threats. It causes your body to release adrenaline, your muscles to tighten, and your heart rate and blood pressure to increase. Your senses might feel more acute and your face and hands flushed.

However, anger becomes a problem only when you don’t manage it in a healthy way.

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So it’s not ‘bad’ to feel angry?

Being angry isn’t always a bad thing. Being angry can help you share your concerns. It can prevent others from walking all over you. It can motivate you to do something positive. The key is managing your anger in a healthy way.

What causes people to get angry?

There are many common triggers for anger, such as losing your patience, feeling as if your opinion or efforts aren’t appreciated, and injustice. Other causes of anger include memories of traumatic or enraging events and worrying about personal problems.

You also have unique anger triggers, based on what you were taught to expect from yourself, others and the world around you. Your personal history feeds your reactions to anger, too. For example, if you weren’t taught how to express anger appropriately, your frustrations might simmer and make you miserable, or build up until you explode in an angry outburst.

Inherited tendencies, brain chemistry or underlying medical conditions also play a role in your tendency toward angry outburst.

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What’s the best way to handle anger?

When you’re angry, you can deal with your feelings through:

  • Expression. This is the act of conveying your anger. Expression ranges from a reasonable, rational discussion to a violent outburst.
  • Suppression. This is an attempt to hold in your anger and possibly convert it into more constructive behavior. Suppressing anger, however, can cause you to turn your anger inward on yourself or express your anger through passive-aggressive behavior.
  • Calming down. This is when you control your outward behavior and your internal responses by calming yourself and letting your feelings subside.

Ideally, you’ll choose constructive expression — stating your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

Can anger harm your health?

Some research suggests that inappropriately expressing anger — such as keeping anger pent up — can be harmful to your health. Suppressing anger appears to make chronic pain worse, while expressing anger reduces pain.

There’s also evidence that anger and hostility is linked with heart disease, high blood pressure, peptic ulcers and stroke.

When is professional help needed?

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret, hurts those around you or is taking a toll on your personal relationships.

How does hypnotherapy help with anger?

Feeling angry now and then is a normal part of life. Usually, anger is a result of feeling frustrated, insulted, deceived or even under attack. For many, anger is a natural reaction that passes quickly. In some instances, however, it can become a difficult emotion to control.

Failing to manage anger effectively can lead to mental and physical health problems. You may find your anger management issues are affecting your relationships, your work or even your self-esteem.

Hypnotherapy can help those with anger management problems in several ways. The initial aim of the hypnotherapist will be to understand the root cause of your anger.

As previously mentioned, anger management problems often stem from past experiences. These experiences can shape your behaviour and belief system. So, while you may think another person or situation is causing your anger, it may well come from yourself. Once this is understood, your hypnotherapist can begin work changing this.

To do so, your hypnotherapist will work on a conscious and unconscious level to help change your negative thought processes. Doing this may involve relaxation techniques and suggestions from your hypnotherapist to help control your anger.

The hope is that this will change your reaction to anger triggers. Instead of feeling overwhelmed and angry, you should feel calmer and more relaxed. Feeling calmer in stressful situations helps you to think more clearly so you can react in a more appropriate way.

Anger management hypnotherapy can also help with some of the symptoms of anger. For example, if you are suffering from anxiety, stress or depression, hypnotherapy can be helpful.

The number of anger management hypnotherapy sessions you’ll need will depend on your individual circumstances. It is likely that your hypnotherapist will teach you some self-hypnosis techniques and relaxation tips. You can use these at home when you feel angry or stressed to help you control your anger in the long-term.

How to deal with anger – self-help tips

If you have decided to seek professional help for your anger management problem, there are several things you can do in tandem to help regain control. The following tips can help you control your anger and express it in a healthy way.

Get to know your triggers

Understanding what situations make you feel angry is key. By recognising when you are likely to feel angry, you can be prepared. To do this, start taking notes when you feel angry. Try to note the following:

  • What was the situation?
  • Was there another person involved?
  • What did they say/do to make you feel angry?
  • How did you feel at the time?
  • How did you behave?
  • How did you feel after the incident?

After a while, you should start to notice some patterns emerging. Perhaps you get angry when you feel belittled, or maybe you feel angrier after the situation because you couldn’t express yourself at the time.

Talk through your notes with your hypnotherapist, as this can help them work with you to understand the underlying reason behind your anger. Just recognising these patterns can be an enormous help.

Give yourself some time

A simple way to help you manage your anger when a trigger situation arises is to give yourself some time before you react. This allows you to really think about how you react, rather than reacting instinctively. Try the following suggestions to see if they help:

  • Take some deep breaths – breathing out for longer than you breathe in can help to calm you.
  • Count to 10 – a simple act that can give you enough time to calm yourself before you react.
  • Do something else – instead of reacting, try to distract yourself by doing something else. If you can, try to channel that energy into something creative.
  • Listen to calming music/sounds – create a calming playlist and listen to it when you start to feel angry.

Try a few different distraction techniques and see what works best for you. Again, this is something you can discuss with your hypnotherapist as they may have some alternative suggestions.

Don’t bottle it up. Don’t aim it at the wrong people. control it.  If you’re local let me help. Don’t let anger rule and ruin your life and the lives of those around you. Your children will act like you and copy your reactions, and sometimes they don’t have the understanding in how to control it.

Until next time.

Jon

Moving Up. Moving On.

Hi.

As we approach the last third of the school Summer holidays, this is where you may notice your child or children beginning to withdraw a little. Of course you will ask are they are okay and they reply I’m fine and disappear to their room. Actually they may not be okay. Children get very anxious about either moving up a class or moving on to a whole new school. They have listened to rumours about how horrible the teachers are and what punishments are given out. They believe that bullies roam the corridors looking for their next victim or that they will get lost in the many corridors and they will get in trouble for getting to class late. All of these are unfounded, exaggerated and in most cases just not true.

I worked in primary education for over 26 years.  I understand children, Hey, I’m only 5’4″ so most kids are taller than me so I’m at their level (Some may say mentally as well. Some will just make the transition but others suffer in silence. they convince themselves of the worst possible scenario and relive it every remaining day of the school holiday.

We don’t want our children to be unhappy or worried. We want them to look back on their school holidays and their childhood as some of their best memories.

So what can we do? now it’s funny you should ask. from this week up until the first week in September I run a Moving Up. Moving On program for children. It helps children realise they can cope, realise that they are so much capable than what they have been led to believe.  In just two sessions I will help that child to not only believe in themselves but also to give them the confidence to handle what ever they do face in the new term.

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Moving to a new school can be intimidating. In fact, it may feel as your whole world as you once knew it is crashing down. You may wish your friend was with you, or that the school was in your old neighborhood. However, it is possible to fit in at a new school. Follow these easy steps and you’ll find yourself fitting in no time!

Take a day to appreciate your environment. You won’t fit in at school if you don’t know the school well yet. Ask where places are or ask for a school map.

Be friendly to everyone. Be nice to adults, teenagers and kids alike, because they might just be your next teacher or friend.

Get to know your teachers. Talk to them and find out more about them. See how strict or lenient they are.

Make new friends. Try not to be shy, and be confident. Talk to different groups of people, but don’t ignore a certain group. Be yourself and don’t lie. This is your school now, so take a chance on letting your true personality shine through if you didn’t already at your old school.

Pay attention in class. Teachers always pay attention to new students.

Be yourself. If your first day in the school is the first day of the new year, then some people will notice you, especially if it is a small school. When people talk to you, don’t be nervous, but don’t be too loud. Be confident and make eye contact. However, sometimes you may need to make yourself loud so that you will get noticed, and but try not to constantly attract attention to yourself.

  • Don’t worry too much about what people think of you; you’ll over-analyze the situation and they might judge you for that.
  • Be genuine and be nice to everyone, no matter how mean they may appear at first. It’s usually always the ‘girl/guy that you hated at your new school’ that ends up being your friend after a little sincerity.
  • Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself, if it’s very clear that you should.

Avoid worrying about getting to know the school too much. Know where your locker is and have a map in case of emergencies, but whenever possible, ask the person sitting near you or a teacher in the hallway where something is.

  • Asking for directions to a class, for example, is a good way to talk to people and meet a lot of people on your first day. You’re the new kid now. Mention that to people whenever you need some help.

Prepare for your first lunch. Talk to students in the class right before lunch. Usually, they will ask you if you’re sitting with anyone, but if not, steer the topic towards school lunch (as in is the food good etc.) If no one specifically mentions eating together, but you’re walking to the cafeteria together, then it’s implied that you’ll eat lunch together.

Be nice to everyone. It is important to talk to everyone, even if they seem weird, when you are a new student. They could always know people you’d rather be friends with or introduce you to more people. Try to meet new people. However, if they are hated by everyone, then it is advised not to become best friends with them unless you really want to, don’t get too into people, hang out with everyone, and make sure you know a group or person well enough before deeming them your friend.

  • It can be the most tricky, manipulative people that talk to you at first, and it’s usually those who just talk to you later on, at the back of the classroom who are there for you later on.

Pay attention in class and try hard in school. If someone passes a note or whispers something to you, ignore them so you can pay attention to the teacher.

Join a few clubs or sports and make more friends in this way. Make sure you are committed to that sport or club.

Be consistently level-headed inside and out, and don’t over-think people or situation. Never forget that while you might be trying to fit in, you should never try to be anybody but yourself. The first couple of weeks are always confusing.

Share this with your children, show them you care and that they are not alone. 

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Warnings.

  • Don’t be negative. People don’t like a Debbie-Downer. A way to avoid this is to think positively about every situation.
  • If you had a bad reputation at your old school, don’t talk about your rep. Just pretend it never happened and make sure not to make the same mistakes at your new school.
  • Try to avoid drama if you can.
  • Don’t be obnoxious. It’s good to jump in and let people know you’re there, but allow them to get a word in too.

Be you. Be happy, and always do your best.

Until next week. Have a good one

Jon X

Do you take time for you?

Hi I’m back. Did you miss me? What do you mean you didn’t even notice I wasn’t here. I took some me time. I traveled, I read, I laughed and I walked, boy did I walk. I had a great time, yes I did some work but that was all part of it. In the main I had a week of me time. Time to unwind, time to relax, time to think and time to please myself.  Taking me time is very important. It allows you to get your head together, it allows the body to unwind it allows you to catch up.

Now to have me time you don’t need to go abroad, you actually don’t even have to leave your home.

I bet you think that there is never enough time for doing the things you want to do? Want to get off the daily treadmill of never ending TO DO’s, jobs and family ‘stuff’ always cropping up?

ME TIME isn’t something to just be dreamed about. It’s not a pie in the sky idea only for the select few that don’t have any commitments.

It’s real.

And it’s possible!

I promise!

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WHY TIME FOR YOURSELF IS IMPORTANT

I always try and make time for me in every day now – sounds selfish?

I used to think that it was, but it really and truly isn’t – and it was actually a lovely colleague  who said something that stuck with me and changed how I thought about it….

He pointed out that if I am not functioning well and am happy, then the rest of the family and house suffers directly as a result. I simply don’t function as well, or feel as happy, when I am burnt out and trying to do all things for all people. We all owe it to ourselves to make some time for ourselves, as it genuinely can make all those around you happier as a result.

BUT I DON’T DESERVE “ME TIME” … DO I?

We all have crazy lives, with work, children, hobbies, household jobs etc…. taking over our time, and headspace most days, but without setting aside personal time you will burn out far too quickly, and then be of no use to anyone…

What’s the point of that!

From personal experience I know how dangerous it can be to not balance your time, It’s not a good place to be as I am sure you can appreciate. Trying to do everything and please everyone all the time can really take its toll. EVERYONE deserves a little time to themselves each day – it’s not whether you deserve it – it’s whether you can afford NOT to…

So – we’ve worked out that you need some time to yourself, and that you deserve it and shouldn’t feel in any way guilty for taking it, so what type of thing can you do?

Here are some great Me Time ideas for inspiration – and remember – it doesn’t matter how small that time is, make it count:-

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  • Go for a walk – get out of the house if there’s lots going on, and distance yourself for a few minutes – the exercise will also be great for you and you will feel rejuvenated
  • Take a bath – lock the door so you have no interruptions.
  • Read a book or your favourite magazine.
  • Take the afternoon off and go to the cinema.
  • Get up 20 minutes earlier or go to bed 20 minutes earlier and do something that is just about you! Reading, fitness, learning a new skill etc…
  • Book in me time into your diary as you would any other appointment – and don’t let yourself down by missing it. If you have children, why not give grandparents special time with them alone for a few hours one weekend, don’t wait for a special event that you specifically need them to babysit for, just do it!
  • Get a babysitter even if you’ve not got an evening out planned. You could go for a long walk, sit in a cafe, go to the cinema etc… – and just enjoy time to yourself.
  • Take some time to breathe, and perhaps meditate.
  • Go technology free. Turn off your phone, don’t have any notifications pinging at you – and enjoy being silent!
  • Record your favourite programme and make sure you spend time watching without interruptions.
  • Pamper yourself (both men and women can do this)
  • Why not look at your life plan (whether it’s a 5 year plan or a different time span) – see what you can start to really make headway towards by spending some quality time on it each week – this may be perfect for your me time (I personally like to DO things with me time, and feel more refreshed after doing such things – maybe you’re the same?…)
  • Go shopping for a new outfit – or just window shopping – spending time working out what suits you and what looks fantastic will do you the world of good!
  • If you work from home, think about having some me time during the day rather than waiting for the evening – it’s more likely to be done then, and you will feel refreshed afterwards – what about a trip to a coffee shop, lunch out, a run, a swim…
  • If you have the cash, what about a spa break? If you don’t have spare money why not create a spa at home.
  • Have a sleep! Honestly – sometimes it’s all I can do to keep my eyes open, and now and then I allow myself to take the nap I need. I feel SO good after even just 10 minutes – and get much more done as a result – so everyone’s a winner!
  • Look at a gym class that you would love to do and SIGN UP – work out with your partner any childcare and stick to the appointment as you would anything else. You will feel refreshed and get fit at the same time! (and there’s always the coffee shop and a magazine for half an hour afterwards!).
  • Do a project in your house that you’ve been wanting to do for ages. Painting some furniture, creating some artwork – whatever you love doing – just get it started!
  • Adult colouring is really taking off at the moment – and takes very little time. You can even carry it around with you!

Do It

In the words of Mr Nike. Just do it!

Whether that’s 5 minutes to do some colouring in (this is my promise!), or booking in a babysitter and filling your diary – It will be worth it!

Don’t wait until you have burned out to treat yourself to some time for you.

A happy person makes those around them happier – and if you create some time for yourself this will directly affect how happy you are.

So – use these Me Time ideas to decide on something that you will look forward to each day.

Have a great week

Jon X

www.jonadkin.com

 

Are you your best?

Hi.

Well that was a leading question wasn’t it. What did you answer in your head when you read it? We are ever rarely at our best,  We have aims, we have dreams and we strive to accomplish them but do we ever give it our best?

Sadly we live in a time that we all dream but we don’t do what’s needed to reach them. We have great intentions, we even plan (a bit) but after a short while, when things are not quite working out…We give up.

Life gets in the way and our motivation dwindles and then we just sit back and do what we were doing before. Don’t worry it’s not just you. it’s a very big percentage of the population. Just to clarify that. Hands up if you have an exercise bike in your bedroom or spare room which is now a clothes hanger. or who joined a gym, went a few times then well just lost the motivation. Yep we have all done it, but why? Why do we lose the motivation, the drive, the ambition. I will tell you. We listen to that inner critic, that little voice inside our head that tells us  we are not good enough or that we can’t do something. Some call it that jabbering monkey mind.

So what is it? According to Buddhist principles, the “monkey mind” is a term that refers to being unsettled, restless, or confused. Writer and Buddhist Natalie Goldberg, who teaches many writing workshops, suggests that the monkey mind is the inner critic. It’s the part of your brain most connected to the ego, which contends that you can’t do anything right. It’s also the part of you that stifles creativity and prevents you from moving forward with your passions. The monkey mind insists on being heard, and sometimes it takes a lot of self-control

to shut it down. It is also the part of your brain that becomes easily distracted, so if you want to get anything done in life, your challenge will be to shut down the monkey mind.

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So can we calm it down or even shut it down. Well yes we can. As a hypnotherapist I do get a lot of clients come to me to say they don’t feel good enough, or they self criticise, and they can’t accept praise. This is all common of our friend monkey brain doing what he does best. putting that person down.

Now that voice may have started out as a parent, a friend or a teacher who put you down in some way,  made you feel that you couldn’t achieve and then over the years that voice become your voice. suddenly it wasn’t your parent or your so called friend or a teacher putting you down it was you. You’ve heard the saying you are your own worst enemy.

Taming your monkey mind will do all of the following for you:

It will give you clarity of mind.

It will allow you to focus on the present and on the task at hand.

It will improve the quality of your sleep.

It will increase your sense of calm and of well-being.

It will make you happier.

The first step in your quest to calm your monkey mind is to know that it’s possible to do so. It’s very likely that up until this point you’ve allowed your monkey mind to run wild. But now you’re going to put an end to that. After all, your thoughts don’t rule you. You rule your thoughts.

Talk to Your Monkey Mind. When your monkey mind is in full swing, calm it down by having a conversation with it. Stop for a moment and listen to what your monkey mind is saying. Why is it upset? What’s all the shouting about? Then, do the following:

  • Is your monkey mind trying to remind you of something that needs to be done? If it is Make a note of it and schedule the item so that your monkey mind doesn’t need to worry about it any longer.
  • Is your monkey mind anxious about something in the future? Reassure your monkey mind that everything is going to be fine. Conduct a worst-case scenario with your monkey mind, and come up with a contingency plan.
  • Is your monkey mind voicing resentment over something that happened in the past?  Realize that you need to create an action plan for dealing with your past so that your monkey mind stops bringing it up.

Sometimes your monkey mind just needs to be heard. Once it feels that it’s been allowed to voice its grievances and concerns, it will settle down.

Play a Game of Fives. The moment in which you hear the first monkey howling in your mind, you’ll know that it’s very likely that your mind has wandered off and that it’s no longer in the present moment. You can get the tribe of monkeys in your mind to quiet down by bringing your mind back to the present.

One way to bring your mind back to the present is by playing the Game of Fives. Pause your train of thought and notice five things in your environment. It can be five things you see, hear, or smell. Then, fully experience the sight, sound, or smell. You can do this by pretending that it’s the first time you’ve ever experienced that sight, sound, or smell, and by adopting a sense of awe.

The moment in which you do this all of your attention will be placed on the present moment, and your monkey mind will be silenced.

Engage Your Mind. I’m sure that you’ve experienced moments when your mind was completely still. Perhaps you were so involved in a book, or in a movie, or in your writing, that the monkey mind went silent. You just experienced directly what was going on, without your mind chatter giving you a running commentary of events, as they occurred.

This is because one way to silence your monkey mind is by engaging your mind. The next time your monkey mind is driving you nuts, look for an activity that draws you in completely, so that all of your attention is placed on what you’re doing, and there’s no attention left over to listen to the monkey mind.

Conclusion

As was stated in this blog, taming your monkey mind has many benefits. Although calming your mind will take some practice, it can be done. The strategies and techniques explained above are a great place to start. Live your best life by taming your monkey mind.

If you need help come and see me or drop me a message.

Hypnotherapy is a great way to silence that inner critic.

Until next time

Jon XX

 

 

Are you supported?

Hi.

How you all doing? Better than Theresa May I bet. Don’t worry I’m not going all  political. What I want to blog about this week is support. Support from your family, from your friends and if your in business support of your customers or clients. A support network is very important.

One of the reasons Theresa May resigned is because she did not have the support of her cabinet. Without that support you are facing an uphill battle. When my clients come to me they want to change. I quickly establish why they want to change and who they want to change for. If it’s themselves then great, if it’s to please others then that is not so great. Trying to change to please others is not always a good idea and in the long term not always right for them. However is a client comes to me and wants to change for whatever reason, it could be weight loss or to stop smoking, or just to gain more confidence etc and they tell me it’s for them so that they can start to enjoy life more, then I will do all that I can to help that client, but on top of my help they need the support and the encouragement from those around them. Immediate family, friends and work colleagues. a few kind words of encouragement go a long way. and it means the world to the person who is trying to make that change.

I will be honest when I decided to leave my job and a steady wage to start my hypnotherapy business I lost some friends and family support, (not all but the ones who mattered) and without those it has felt lonely at times. However I have great self belief (Thanks to hypnotherapy) and I am making a success of the business, but it would still be so much sweeter with the full support of family and friends.

And now a commercial break

May Book

My book Can I Change. Available from Amazon. 

So what can you do to help and support someone who wants to or needs to change.  Well the first thing is show them support (even if you have doubts) give them words of encouragement boost their confidence, just be there. ListenYour very presence can be a comfort to a friend. Sometimes keeping someone company while they go through their trials is a gift in itself. Expand your friend’s perspective. If your friend seems to be afflicted with tunnel vision, help them expand their perspective. You could say, “There could be another way to look at this. What about…?” You could also expand perspective by pointing out the consequences of their actions to their future self: “This may seem like a good idea at this moment, but how will you feel in a week? A month? A year?” And you can shrink an overstated problem with a saying like, “This too shall pass.” If you dare, help them empathise with the other person in the conflict. Ask, “How can I help?” But be prepared to set boundaries if direct help would draw you too tightly into your friend’s knotty problem. What might work with one friend might not work with another. Use your good judgement. Ideally, your advice will strengthen your friend and give them more confidence in their own judgement in the future. And if you feel like you are getting in too deep, remember that ultimately it’s your friend’s job to solve their own problems, not you.

If your friend or family member is starting a new business, here are some ways that you could help them too.

Motivation and loneliness are among the top unforeseen challenges of starting a business. Staying motivated is critical to keeping a business alive, but it isn’t something you can buy. Family, friends, and colleagues can be a great source of motivation.  So even if you’ve never started a business, you can be instrumental in helping others start and maintain their own. Here’s what you can do to offer your support:

Take Them Out to Lunch

Starting a business can be lonely when you feel you are the only one that believes in your vision. That worsens when you have to work in isolation on initial business planning.

Invite your friend out to lunch or dinner for a ‘business meeting’. Let them talk to you about the challenges, goals, and recent successes in their business. Or, if they want a little break from the madness this could be a great opportunity to catch up and take a break from their business. Be open. Take their lead for the topic of conversation.

Ask How You Can Help

Funding is an important part of starting a business, but it’s not the only thing that matters. Marketing, sales, operations, and accounting are also critical parts to a successful business. Ask what is need and how you might be of help. This is could be a great opportunity for you to sharpen some skills that you are not using in your own day-to-day job. Ask, you might be surprised with what they say.

Share Resources

Networking is powerful. If you hear of networking events, find a professional organisation, or just meet someone that you think would be a great resource – be sure to share that info with your friend. You can make an introduction via LinkedIn or emails, or just text over a link.

Have Impactful Interactions

In an industry where you have to constantly prove your business value and trajectory, it’s important to stay encouraged.  Encourage your friend by reminding them of their potential and initial vision. Remember those ‘small victories’ or ‘resources’ that might help them push through hard times. Like their posts. Make comments on their facebook or Instagram pages. Promote their website.

As Mr Tesco once said Every little helps.

Until next time. Have a great week

Jon XX

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