It’s that time of year again.

Audio Version of this months blog.

Have you noticed that your child or children have gone a bit quiet recently? Don’t blame it on the lousy weather, or their age. Look at the date. In a few short weeks they will be returning to school. Some will be changing schools some will just be moving up. However whatever they face, it can be very scary for them.

Do you remember how you felt all those years ago? Perhaps there was a school bully who has been out of your mind during the Summer break. or perhaps just the thought of a BIG new school with so many new faces is a scary thought. Whatever the reason, this can be a very anxious time for our children.

Remove that anxiety from returning to school

Don’t ignore their silence, Speak to them, ask them questions. Show them that you care and want to help. Many children are of a mindset that asking for help is a weakness. They couldn’t be more wrong. Asking for help takes such strength.

What can you as a parent or a guardian do to help? First thing is to notice any changes in their body language, in their manner. They may become more withdrawn, or even almost become invisible. Give them words of encouragement.

Words of encouragement when your child is struggling

  • All you can do is try your best.
  • I am so glad you asked for help when you needed it.
  • Trust your instincts.
  • I believe in you.
  • Nobody is perfect, and that is ok.
  • You can learn from your mistakes.
  • Your perseverance will help you succeed.
  • Believe in yourself, you can do it.

They say education is the key for success. Students therefore need to have a purpose to succeed in their studies. There is always a challenge to produce brilliant results. Words of encouragement are important to remind students that hard work never goes unrewarded. Parents, teachers and fellow students can spread this Words of Encouragement to give students hope for better days. It is important to note that students have different abilities. Producing good results is a teamwork effort. Teachers have to take the responsibility of encouraging weak students to continue working hard. Encouragement gives hope, hence a positive attitude to success.

What phrases do you say each day to your kids? Which ones do you want them to remember?

In the years since my parents passed, I am still inspired to notice the good things in life when I remember the way they would pause at those good moments and say, “This, now, this is good.” To this day I can hear my mother encouraging me when I try new things. Her voice of confidence from my childhood continues to give me confidence now.

Many years after my dad died, I can still hear him, when I get too serious saying, “Lighten up,” In moments of complete self-doubt and embarrassment, I still bolster myself by thinking of him singing, smiling and being there.

All of these words of encouragement from my parents and grandparents have stayed with me. Certainly, words can become meaningless when they aren’t followed with action, but nonetheless, words have great power. You can choose to add more positive ones to your days.

Below is a list of encouraging phrases to say to children. Choose which work for you. What can you see or hear yourself saying. It has to come across genuine and not just something you read once on a sign on a random wall.

  1. You are loved
  2. You make me smile
  3. I think about you when we’re apart
  4. My world is better with you in it
  5. I will do my best to keep you safe
  6. Sometimes I will say no
  7. I have faith in you
  8. I know you can handle it
  9. You are creative
  10. Trust your instincts
  11. Your ideas are worthwhile
  12. You are capable
  13. You are deserving
  14. You are strong
  15. You can say no
  16. Your choices matter
  17. You make a difference
  18. Your words are powerful
  19. Your actions are powerful
  20. Your emotions may be powerful
  21. And you can still choose your actions
  22. You are more than your emotions
  23. You are a good friend
  24. You are kind
  25. You don’t have to like what someone is saying in order to treat them with respect
  26. Someone else’s poor behavior is not an excuse for your own
  27. You are imperfect
  28. So am I
  29. You can change your mind
  30. You can learn from your mistakes
  31. You can ask for help
  32. You are learning
  33. You are growing
  34. Growing is hard work
  35. I believe you
  36. I believe in you
  37. You are valuable
  38. You are interesting
  39. You are beautiful
  40. When you make a mistake, you are still beautiful
  41. Your body is your own
  42. You have say over your body
  43. You are important
  44. Your ideas matter
  45. You are able to do work that matters
  46. I see you working and learning every day
  47. You make a difference in my life
  48. I am curious what you think
  49. How did you do that?
  50. Your ideas are interesting
  51. You’ve made me think of things in a completely new way
  52. I’m excited to see what you do
  53. Thanks for helping me
  54. Thank you for contributing to our family
  55. I enjoy your company
  56. It’s fun to do things with you
  57. I’m glad you’re here
  58. I’m happy to talk with you
  59. I’m ready to listen
  60. I’m listening
  61. I’m proud of you
  62. I’m grateful you’re in my life
  63. You make me smile
  64. I love you

I didn’t do this nearly enough with my own children and for that I feel bad, but if I can help others now and take away the anxiety, the fear, the desire to hurt themselves. Then it will be worth it.

Moving Up Moving On From Jon Adkin

I also run sessions for children at this time of year. Moving Up Moving On is in its 4th year now and I work with the children and sometimes the parents to ease that transition. If you would like to know more please drop me an email or a message and I would be happy to tell you more.

Until next month.

I wish you every happiness.

Jon

Find Jon on Facebook, Instagram, You tube and TikTok.

Books available by Jon Can I Change? a book to help you handle your anxiety on a daily basis. 100 days in isolation a fun book for both adults and children showing the funnier side of lockdown.

This is still me.

Hi Welcome back.

So continuing where we left off in last week in last weeks blog After leaving the hospital feeling a bit sorry for myself I jumped around jobs as I never had a plan B. (Kids, always have a plan B) More dislocations meant more time doing nothing. but I didn’t like to sit around doing nothing I got a job designing kitchens which I enjoyed for many years until… my other shoulder started to dislocate. This meant more ops, more time in plaster. Now I never was a fan of daytime TV Kilroy (The Jeremy Kyle of its day) never did it for me. so I offered my services to my sons school, helping with reading, art etc. The head teacher use to pick me up in the morning (She was not a great driver bless her) and I would jump on the school bus at the end of the day. She then employed me as the midday assistant. in the end, that stop gap lasted 26 years. raising to the heights of ICT Manager. Now during my time at the school I suffered even more illness. I had two heart attacks, 2 strokes and a few more dislocations. On paper I was a mess.

Now as much as I loved working with the kids, due to the illnesses and constant hospital visits (bearing in mind I was still in my 30s at this time) I lost my confidence and self worth. Looking back I was dipping into depression and I needed to do something about it. Yes life had dealt me a bad hand but I had two choices. Curl up on the sofa and give up or pull myself together and make the most of life. I chose to do the latter, but I needed help.

I went to W H Smith (No Amazon back then. Yes I am that old) and I bought myself Paul McKennas Self hypnosis books. Little did I know that would not only change my life but it would eventually guide me to my career today.

Not only did that book and the videos. Yes videos (do you remember videos? if not ask your Mum or Dad) They not only helped me get back on track they actually made me even more confident and full of self belief. Thanks to Paul I was back, better than ever.

All them years ago I never ever thought I would one day be a professional Hypnotherapist, but I like to study and read, so I continued to buy Paul’s books and became more and more intrigued as to why hypnosis did what it did.  I read lots of books and watched some DVD’s (yep we have moved on ) and then about 4 years ago I decided to train. never intending to do it as a career, I was just interested.

I studied, I worked with volunteers, I even roped my reluctant son in to help me. The more I did, the more I enjoyed it. I could do it.  I could really do it.

I qualified as a Hypnotherapist and I was so proud of myself. I had set myself a goal and I had reached it. this was the start of a whole new chapter of my life.

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Now I finished last weeks blog with a question. Did I make it as an entertainer? Well yes and no. Not in the way that I had envisaged I wrote Children’s books. The Adventures of Carla Bear. (6 in the set so far)  and over the years in the school I dressed up in many many guises and entertained the kids. I ran some of the school discos and every Summer fete and Christmas Bazaar I was there behind the mic. I even proved the Doctors wrong and I played the drums again. I couldn’t do 4 hour gigs like I use to, but I could play again and for years I taught the kids at school drums.  I loved my time at the school and seeing the kids flourish but it was time for a change.

A big change.

I started to offer my hypnotherapy services on evenings and weekends and I was really pleased in the way it was received. I had found a new purpose in life. I love to help people and the buzz that I was getting was making me want to do more.

So I did.

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I bit the bullet and I left the school. I didn’t have any support but what I did have is a lot of self belief and confidence. I know I could make it work, I believed in me.  It’s now approaching nearly 2 years since I made that jump. The house has not been repossessed, I’m not starving and actually I’m having more holidays than I ever did before. I’m making it work.

I have a lot of happy clients as you can see from my testimonial page. I’m helping others to make the changes in their lives and that makes me happy.

Moral of this story. Set yourself goals and reach them. Believe in yourself and have the confidence to go forward. You will make mistakes, but learn from them, don’t look back.

Until next time

Jon XX

 

 

This is me.

Hi welcome back, And if you’re not coming back and this is your first time here where have you been.

On my Facebook page recently I ran some facts about me. People seem to enjoy them. I gave them information about the early life I gave them information about things that I like, music that I enjoy listening to, and I thought it’s good to get to know People, rather than just being name on the screen or the odd picture, and even today with filters you never really see the real person. So, a few of you now have been following my blog for a time and I think it’s time to out for you to get to know me. So I’m going to do the same here. I am going to share with you facts about Me things that I want you to know things that perhaps now you may not need to know but I’m going to tell you anyway. So where do we start I suppose the beginning is the best place I was born in Cheltenham in Gloucestershire, but I was born to an unmarried mother who put me up for adoption. I was sent to an adoption home in London The Thomas Coram foundation. Now children that were placed in the Thomas Coram foundation were known as foundlings.  Children who were there to be given a second chance. I was one of the lucky ones I was fostered and then eventually after 18 months I was adopted by the greatest family. Now I sit at home and I watch long lost families like a lot of People do, but you know what I am one of the lucky ones, I don’t have that feeling of being rejected I don’t have that feeling of not being wanted or being given up on. Far from it I just had feeling of being loved being chosen I know I couldn’t have asked for a better family, a more loving family and not just my parents and my brother but the whole family. Aunts Uncles, cousins and second cousins third cousins once removed (I’ve never understood that bit) I have never ever been treated any different and I wouldn’t change my upbringing for anything. I was brought up with stories by mum of  being chosen, and one of the funny stories is that dad actually wanted a little girl and when they went back to the home it was feeding time and there was myself and the little girl who was up for adoption but she was a messy eater and my dad decided they would have the clean one. That story always brings a smile to my face. Another funny memory I have of the home is that we used to go back there for the summer fair and I can always remember I would not let go of their hands, either Mum or Dads because I thought they were taking me back, and I bet there were times when they wished they could have to be honest, but they never did.

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School years well they came and went. I made some really good friends, some I’m still in touch with now through Facebook. school was OK I was never the brightest but I also held my own. I enjoyed playtimes, I enjoy the sport but most of all I enjoyed the music and the drama. So really it was no surprise that at the age of 15 I was playing in bands in pubs and clubs, places I shouldn’t have been playing in at that age, but I got the taste for music, live music. And that’s where I thought my future was going to be and with the backing of my parents I left school aiming to be a professional musician. The first few years went really well I played with some of the big bands at the time And I really thought I was going to make it. But my shoulders well, they had other ideas from about 16 my shoulders started to dislocate on a frequent basis. In just one year my left shoulder dislocated 16 times. each time it meant a new visit to the hospital more anaesthetic to put it back as something wasn’t right. eventually I had a pin put in. It didn’t last long, so then I had 2 pins, then 3 pins. They didn’t last long either. My drumming career came to a halt. I had to go and get a job. Now because I only ever wanted to be a musician I really didn’t have a back up plan so I tried some different things but for ages I never really found what I wanted to do. One job I did really enjoy was actually portering at Whipps Cross hospital. The same hospital that had constantly been pinning my shoulders back. I was there for some time, but again my shoulder started to dislocate and a decision was made that I needed a far more serious operation I’m going to have to have my left shoulder fused which meant I would have very limited movement it was a big decision but it was one that I really had no option, I could live within the disabilities or so I thought I’m in the right frame of mind I’ll just continue my life.

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However I had the Op and after spending 8 months in a plaster cast I actually realised that I was more immobilised than I thought I was going to be, not only would I not be able to play the drums again but I wouldn’t be able to play golf with my Dad, and that was something that I enjoyed so much. Also, I have very little reach now and I can’t lift my arms above chest height and being small (Yep 5’’4”) well that’s not great. I left the hospital job as I was unable to lift so once again I found myself in No Mans Land not knowing what to do. A few more jobs came and went, but I still wanted to be a musician or an entertainer of some sorts.     

Did I make it?

Pop back next week and I will let you know.

Have a great week.

Jon XX   

www.jonadkin.com

Jon Adkin BAHyp Hypnotherapist

Moving Up. Moving On.

Hi.

As we approach the last third of the school Summer holidays, this is where you may notice your child or children beginning to withdraw a little. Of course you will ask are they are okay and they reply I’m fine and disappear to their room. Actually they may not be okay. Children get very anxious about either moving up a class or moving on to a whole new school. They have listened to rumours about how horrible the teachers are and what punishments are given out. They believe that bullies roam the corridors looking for their next victim or that they will get lost in the many corridors and they will get in trouble for getting to class late. All of these are unfounded, exaggerated and in most cases just not true.

I worked in primary education for over 26 years.  I understand children, Hey, I’m only 5’4″ so most kids are taller than me so I’m at their level (Some may say mentally as well. Some will just make the transition but others suffer in silence. they convince themselves of the worst possible scenario and relive it every remaining day of the school holiday.

We don’t want our children to be unhappy or worried. We want them to look back on their school holidays and their childhood as some of their best memories.

So what can we do? now it’s funny you should ask. from this week up until the first week in September I run a Moving Up. Moving On program for children. It helps children realise they can cope, realise that they are so much capable than what they have been led to believe.  In just two sessions I will help that child to not only believe in themselves but also to give them the confidence to handle what ever they do face in the new term.

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Moving to a new school can be intimidating. In fact, it may feel as your whole world as you once knew it is crashing down. You may wish your friend was with you, or that the school was in your old neighborhood. However, it is possible to fit in at a new school. Follow these easy steps and you’ll find yourself fitting in no time!

Take a day to appreciate your environment. You won’t fit in at school if you don’t know the school well yet. Ask where places are or ask for a school map.

Be friendly to everyone. Be nice to adults, teenagers and kids alike, because they might just be your next teacher or friend.

Get to know your teachers. Talk to them and find out more about them. See how strict or lenient they are.

Make new friends. Try not to be shy, and be confident. Talk to different groups of people, but don’t ignore a certain group. Be yourself and don’t lie. This is your school now, so take a chance on letting your true personality shine through if you didn’t already at your old school.

Pay attention in class. Teachers always pay attention to new students.

Be yourself. If your first day in the school is the first day of the new year, then some people will notice you, especially if it is a small school. When people talk to you, don’t be nervous, but don’t be too loud. Be confident and make eye contact. However, sometimes you may need to make yourself loud so that you will get noticed, and but try not to constantly attract attention to yourself.

  • Don’t worry too much about what people think of you; you’ll over-analyze the situation and they might judge you for that.
  • Be genuine and be nice to everyone, no matter how mean they may appear at first. It’s usually always the ‘girl/guy that you hated at your new school’ that ends up being your friend after a little sincerity.
  • Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself, if it’s very clear that you should.

Avoid worrying about getting to know the school too much. Know where your locker is and have a map in case of emergencies, but whenever possible, ask the person sitting near you or a teacher in the hallway where something is.

  • Asking for directions to a class, for example, is a good way to talk to people and meet a lot of people on your first day. You’re the new kid now. Mention that to people whenever you need some help.

Prepare for your first lunch. Talk to students in the class right before lunch. Usually, they will ask you if you’re sitting with anyone, but if not, steer the topic towards school lunch (as in is the food good etc.) If no one specifically mentions eating together, but you’re walking to the cafeteria together, then it’s implied that you’ll eat lunch together.

Be nice to everyone. It is important to talk to everyone, even if they seem weird, when you are a new student. They could always know people you’d rather be friends with or introduce you to more people. Try to meet new people. However, if they are hated by everyone, then it is advised not to become best friends with them unless you really want to, don’t get too into people, hang out with everyone, and make sure you know a group or person well enough before deeming them your friend.

  • It can be the most tricky, manipulative people that talk to you at first, and it’s usually those who just talk to you later on, at the back of the classroom who are there for you later on.

Pay attention in class and try hard in school. If someone passes a note or whispers something to you, ignore them so you can pay attention to the teacher.

Join a few clubs or sports and make more friends in this way. Make sure you are committed to that sport or club.

Be consistently level-headed inside and out, and don’t over-think people or situation. Never forget that while you might be trying to fit in, you should never try to be anybody but yourself. The first couple of weeks are always confusing.

Share this with your children, show them you care and that they are not alone. 

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Warnings.

  • Don’t be negative. People don’t like a Debbie-Downer. A way to avoid this is to think positively about every situation.
  • If you had a bad reputation at your old school, don’t talk about your rep. Just pretend it never happened and make sure not to make the same mistakes at your new school.
  • Try to avoid drama if you can.
  • Don’t be obnoxious. It’s good to jump in and let people know you’re there, but allow them to get a word in too.

Be you. Be happy, and always do your best.

Until next week. Have a good one

Jon X

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