How do we know if we are confident?

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Are you confident?

We know that when we feel confident it is a great state to be in; we trust ourselves to handle whatever is going to occur and we believe we have the abilities to handle what is ahead of us. We feel relaxed; we tend to go with the flow, and we respond naturally to those around us.

Because inner confidence tends to be reflected in how we look and sound, others can also spot when someone is truly confident and at one with themselves.

However, being confident is not enough. Just because we are confident it does not necessarily mean we will naturally connect with others. This depends on your interpersonal skills and your ability to build rapport with others. So, having confidence does not necessarily lead to charisma and an ability to influence others.

How is it related to self esteem?

People can lack confidence, but still have a sense of self worth and high self esteem. Self worth is about whether we feel worthy of happiness, success and the trust and love of others. Low self esteem can go hand in hand with a lack of confidence, but this is not always the case.

What’s the relationship between confidence and charisma?

Charisma is usually described as the ability to inspire others and to draw interest and affection from them, based on the ability to influence others through personal charm. Some politicians and business leaders are described as charismatic. True charisma is genuine, resulting from a genuine interest and liking for others, as distinct from someone who tries to manipulate the situation by turning on the charm.

Are you just born confident?

Is confidence genetic? Can it disappear? Can you develop it later in life?

It can often seem that some people are just born confident. From a very young age, they are happy to explore new environments, interact with new people and try out new activities. Those who are not like this can feel that confidence is totally down to nature and genes, and there is nothing they can do about it.

However, many people who were less than confident when young subsequently develop into confident adults. Also, people who are confident most of the time can suddenly lack confidence in certain situations. So it is not just something we inherit or that is static and about which you can’t do anything.

Therefore, although some people might start off life appearing or even being more confident than others, this does not mean that the rest of us can’t and won’t become more confident in time.

The first step is to make sure you are not undermining your own confidence. Our inner dialogue can have a huge impact on how confident we feel, so there are some exercises in this e-book to help you to explore your self talk.

Developing your understanding of what helps or hinders you in feeling confident will assist you in knowing when and where to take action to boost your confidence.

There are also simple techniques that you can use to boost your confidence, especially if there are certain situations that tend to unsettle you. Using these techniques over a period of time will result in you becoming a much more confident person.

Are you too confident?

Can you become too confident?

We can probably all think of someone who is overly confident, perhaps even being unbearably arrogant or overestimating their own abilities, with resulting mistakes. You can also probably think of some individuals who are so lacking in confidence that you never get to hear what they think, so they don’t seem to contribute anything to the situation or they never stop worrying about things. It certainly appears that too much or too little confidence can have a negative impact on someone’s ability to work effectively.

It is important for us to have confidence in our ability to do tasks and undertake activities if we are to succeed. However, if we become complacent, thinking ‘I’ve done this a thousand times before and it will be fine’, we can become slipshod and not take care over what we are doing. It is therefore useful to learn how to be confident in yourself and your abilities, while still keeping on your toes and not taking it for granted that success will just happen without you making any effort or taking care.

Being appropriately confident

However, you will also know people who are very confident and wonderful to work with. They listen to others’ ideas; they support and encourage others; they celebrate other people’s successes and so on. So what is it that makes a difference and stops them from being arrogant and walking all over others? It is likely to be a mixture of many different things and will vary from individual to individual, but it might include some of the following:

  • Their personality type might mean they have an interest in other people, a natural leaning towards supporting others, building connections and relationships
  • They have a sense of humility about their own strengths and successes, which means they can celebrate these without becoming overbearing and big headed
  • They possess a genuine desire to help others realise their own potential
  • They recognise that success comes through people working together, not through competitive and uncooperative behaviour.

Can you act or seem confident even if you are not?

A lot of people get through life appearing confident, when inside they feel like a nervous wreck! However, this is not an enjoyable way of life and not the most effective way of being and working, because it can mean some or all of the following:

  • You over-prepare because you worry so much about things going wrong
  • You lose sleep the night before big presentations, meetings and so on, which means you are not on top form the next day
  • You hold back from putting forward your ideas because you think they are not valid
  • You hold back from going for promotion or a new job or your dreams because you don’t think you are good enough
  • You over-analyse situations that happen, rather than trusting your inner wisdom
  • You fail to learn from mistakes because you spend so much time beating yourself up and feeling guilty
  • You try and control things outside yourself, because you don’t feel in control of yourself
  • You are nervous of delegating as you don’t trust others and are fearful of things going wrong
  • You don’t challenge others and you doubt that your opinion counts or is right.
  • Therefore, although you can get away with it for some time, acting confident without feeling that way is not a comfortable or helpful place to be.
Be true to yourself.

It seems that just trying to appear confident does not necessarily breed true confidence. There are plenty of people who have done lots of presentations, managed people or been driving for years, but who still worry about it and are not confident in their ability to do these activities successfully.

Confidence comes from within. It is about how you think about yourself and the world around you and the impact that this has on how you feel, which in turn affects your behaviour. However much you work on appearing confident, it is therefore not going to change unless you change what is happening on the inside – how you feel. People who lack confidence but still have successes will often discount these, so they don’t end up feeling successful or more confident in their own abilities.

This blog is extracts from my e-book that you get when you sign up for one of my packages. Message me if you would like more details.

best wishes

Remember IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU.

Until next time.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.

Jon

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon. and 100 days in isolation. A collection of funny original images of one mans decent into comic madness during lockdown

Find me on You TubeFacebookInstagram. and now TikTok.

Are you ready to leave lockdown?

It’s been a long time coming, but after yesterday’s announcement (Monday 22nd February), it looks like that light at the end of the tunnel is finally shining bright. So, are you ready to face the world again? These lockdowns have changed a lot of people some for better, some for worse. Which category would you fall into?

Many people have been silently suffering for many reasons. The isolation has put strains on marriages, relationships with their own children, and pressure on themselves. I have had many people come to me realising that they need to change. They realise that the way they were, going into lockdown is not the way they want to leave it.

We all have traits that we don’t like about ourselves, some are so small that nobody notices. However, some are so visible that people can, and will decide whether they want to get to know you. It is those traits, habits, patterns of behaviour, that people notice and then make decisions about you. Let’s be honest, if you don’t like these things about you, how can you expect others to accept them? Those ways, those habits, those traits can change, you must realise, you wasn’t always this way. Many of our bad habits, or learned behaviours, come maybe from our parents, our siblings, our peers, but if they are learned behaviours, we can unlearn them, it is never too late to change, and if over these periods of lockdown, You have seen sides of you that you don’t like, well now is the time to do something about it. IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU.

It all starts with you.

So what is it that you would like to change? If it’s your appearance, change it get a new hairdo, lose weight, do your makeup different. Is it the way you think about yourself? The first thing you need to do is accept yourself as you are now, and then change the things that you don’t like. However if there are things about you that you feel have changed over the years like losing confidence, perhaps losing that self-worth, or having no self esteem. Well those things are still inside of you, they have just got buried over the years and perhaps you even forgot that you even had them.

What hypnotherapy can do is allow these emotions those feelings, those old ways back to the surface, back where they belong. When I have clients come to me because of lack of confidence, self-worth or self-esteem one question I asked him is can they remember a time when they were in control? A time when they had confidence, self-esteem , self-worth a time when they felt happy, happy on the inside and on the outside. So many of my clients find that hard to answer, it’s in them, but it is so deeply buried they just can’t find it. Their feelings for themselves is so low, that they feel they are unworthy of happiness, they don’t deserve to have felt good so they chose to bury it.

We all have a time in our life when we felt good, in control happy, It doesn’t matter what upbringing you had, you always had a time just for yourself. It may be when you was playing in the garden with your toys in your own imaginary world, it may be the time that you was picked for a part in the school play, you had confidence when you went for that first job interview, you had the self-belief when you did things out of your comfort zone, perhaps driving lessons, perhaps you challenged yourself to do a sponsored anything that challenged you. When you chose to do those things you had the confidence the self-belief and if you had it then you can have it now.

We have all been happy at some point.

Why shouldn’t you be happy, loved, successful or whatever it is that you desire. There is no reason why, it all starts with you hypnotherapy can help you release those feelings, put down, hurt, guilt, emotions and thoughts that are holding you back. I specialise in content free hypnotherapy, which means you don’t even need to know what is causing your problems. Many people come to me with an issue that isn’t the issue. So many memories, insults, put downs are burried to protect us , but they are there and over the years those voices that put them there become our voice and we start to believe them. It’s time to let that inner voice know who is in control. Remember it all starts with you.

If you went into these lockdowns hiding behind a mask and I don’t mean the medical ones I mean the one that you put on every morning and you take off every night. Why not use these remaining weeks to regain that inner strength , that inner confidence, that self-belief. Search for that inner happiness, and then look at what you have achieved. Stop focusing on the negative things in your life and realise now just how far you have come and what you have achieved.

I work not only face to face but online via Zoom, so it doesn’t matter where you are in the world I can help, and if I can’t help I will know someone that can. So no more excuses make the change that you want that you need, you will be pleasantly surprised how easy it is and how quick you feel those changes. Look up my testimonial page see how I have helped others, and I know that you may be skeptical and because of that I offer a free consultation where we just chat and you can ask whatever questions you like and I will be happy to answer tell you how I can help. Use these remaining few weeks for you, let some good come out of this pandemic so that you have the strength the confidence the self belief for the new normal.

Remember IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU.

Until next time.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.

Jon

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon. and 100 days in isolation. A collection of funny original images of one mans decent into comic madness during lockdown

Find me on You TubeFacebookInstagram. and now TikTok.

Plan for the future

As much as it may feel like it, this will not last forever. So, what better way to feel less alone then to plan what you will do when isolation is finally over!  

Make a future fun list with all the places you would like to go when lockdown is lifted. Plan a trip for you and your family or friends, or make a bucket list of places that you would you like to go in your lifetime, it might seem silly it will help you focus on a time that is a little more enjoyable.

Connect with others

perhaps, the most important way to combat loneliness in self isolation he’s connecting with other people. However, instead of sending a text or jumping on Facebook why not send a postcard or a letter? Hello

you will have fun writing it, and you will brighten up someone’s day.

Do something meaningful

losing your sense of purpose can be a huge factor in feeling lonely. All of us wants to feel like we are doing something meaningful and that can be difficult whilst your having to stay at home.

only you know what will give you meaning, but if you are struggling for ideas why not volunteer through a local charity or group or perhaps start an online course.  

Get online

The Internet, when used correctly, to make you feel less lonely. There are so many amazing apps and communities available to help combat loneliness. Here are some suggestions.

Zoom or FaceTime friends and family, you could have a quiz night or dinner date. The possibilities are endless. Join a forum or Facebook group of a hobby that you love, Or join quarantine chat, a service specifically set up to help people connect doing lockdown.

I Got online and offer online sessions

Want some more ideas, how to pass the time in lockdown? How about some of these.

Tour ancient Rome

You may feel cut off from the rest of the world, but you can time travel. 

Current technology means that you can explore other cities and even other times online, such as this virtual tour of ancient Rome which takes you through the forum, capitoline hill, and famous monuments.

Enjoy the Musée d’Orsay

Experiencing these venues from your home does mean that you can visit multiple galleries from different countries or even different continents in the same afternoon. 

Paris’ Musée d’Orsay is home to an incredible collection of Van Gogh and Cezanne’s artistic masterpieces. Take a look around online. 

 Pop into the Tate

Perhaps once you’ve enjoyed Florence, New York, and Paris, you can come to London to see the Tate Britain for free. 

Although you’ll miss out on the lovely river walk to the gallery, you can drop in at any time and see your favourite pieces from the comfort of your own home.  

Experience the British Museum

The British Museum is home to incredible artefacts from around the world and is still open to virtual visitors. 

Exhibits that are usually packed are free to roam around at any time, so you can brush up on your Egyptian knowledge, see the controversial Parthenon Marbles, or just wile away a few hours. 

Go to 500 other museums or galleries 

If you’re still looking for more galleries or museums to visit, Google’s arts and culture collection has virtual tours of 500 top attractions around the world, including national galleries from around the world, individual artist museums, and even the Eiffel Tower.

Throwback.

Have a karaoke night 

Missing karaoke night with your friends? You can still do it from home. 

Apps like AirConsole let you turn your smartphone into a mic, and sing your favourite hits with the usual gang and practice new songs to sing at the bar once lockdown is lifted. 

Try a fitness challenge

Missing the gym? There are plenty of fitness challenges you can try out from home, so you can emerge from lockdown fitter, leaner, or stronger. 

You could try the 100 pushup challengesquat challenge, or just doing a 30-day bodyweight workout challenge to stay healthy at home for free. 

Just make sure that you don’t push too hard early on, and warm up thoroughly before you do any exercise. 

Arrange a Houseparty 

If you still want to meet with your friends – do it at a virtual Houseparty

The app allows for large group video chats so you can get together for a drink, a chat, or just to see some friendly faces for a couple of hours. 

Play a board game

Board game lovers will be pleased to know that there are ways to play your favourite games online, so you don’t have to wait for the lockdown to end to try out your new Scythe strategy or to finally play Terraforming Mars with a friend. 

Websites like Tabletopia have free accounts for players, but you may need to pay to play some of the more popular or newer games. 

Learn a language

Always wanted to speak Italian? Intrigued by Norwegian? Think that Mandarin will be useful for work, or perhaps German

Lockdown gives you plenty of time to dedicate to learning a new language, brushing up on vocabulary, and testing out pronunciation.

Go to the aquarium

It’s almost impossible to recreate the strange grace and tranquility of aquariums but not entirely.

Although they’re closed to the public, Monterey Bay Aquarium have added a number of live cams to let you keep an eye on the jellyfish, kelp forest, coral reef, and even the penguins, completely free. 

Deep clean your house

Between dusty skirting boards, dirty tiling, and stained carpets, your home can offer days of distraction if you feel like doing that deep clean you’ve been putting off. 

There are plenty of online cleaning guides if the task looks too big, and focusing on one room at a time will help you divide up the work. 

Declutter your home

Being stuck at home can make you rethink how much of your stuff you really need. 

Do you really wear all the clothes spilling out of your wardrobe? And do you think you’ll really re-read those GCSE essays sitting in a box upstairs? You can decide what to donate and what to throw out, ready for a full clear out when the lockdown is lifted. 

Volunteer 

Sometimes the best way to get out of your head is to help other people. You may have some local groups that are focused on helping the vulnerable or isolated during lockdown. 

Learn first aid

It’s good to be prepared for an emergency, especially when urgent care centres are overwhelmed or you may not want to leave self-isolation for a relatively minor injury. 

You can learn basic first aid online, for free with FutureLearn. 

Another throw Back

Discover your roots

Wonder where your family was in the flu pandemic of 1918? 

Tracing your family tree can unearth lost memories or even distant relatives. Start by learning about genealogy and you can discover more about yourself and your background. 

Have a kitchen dance party

You can definitely have too much screen time. If workouts aren’t your thing or you just miss a good dance, put together a list of your favourite songs and dance around your kitchen. 

Don’t worry, nobody’s watching! 

I hope that has given you some ideas. We maybe on the home stretch now but even after lockdown is lifted, there is no reason why you can’t carry on any of these activities that you have enjoyed.

Until next week.

Stay safe, stay healthy.

Jon X

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge.

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon.

Find me on You TubeFacebook and Instagram.

It’s not how you change, it’s why!

Hi welcome to this week’s blog

recently in my Facebook posts, I have been asking the question it’s not how you change its why you want to change. This question hit home with a lot of my clients, it made people think, it made people question themselves. So, if you thought about it and you needed to change why is it that you need to change?

For me back in my 30s I used hypnotherapy because after suffering a lot of illness I had lost not only my confidence but also my self-worth. I didn’t want to sit down on the sofa all day watching bad television, I wanted to regain that confidence that self-belief that I once had. For me not only did hypnotherapy help me get back my confidence and my self-worth it took me beyond where I  wanted to be. 

So, my why, was realising that I had survived those illnesses and I now wanted to grab life with both hands and enjoy it.

Why do you want to change?

So, ask yourself what is your why for wanting to change your life for the better. Perhaps you have been suffering from anxiety and been living a long time behind a mask. For whatever reason you have now decided to step out from behind that mask, perhaps you will once put down, insulted or made to feel not good enough. However, now you know you are good enough you always were good enough you just didn’t believe it.

There are many reasons why someone wants to change, there are many ways how people can change, you have to find your how and your why that suits you best.

I used hypnotherapy because I wanted to get to the root of the problem, I knew the problem was the way I was thinking about myself, I knew it but the problem was my mindset, And I knew I had to change.

So take a moment now think of your why, make sure that is what you want and not because someone has asked you to change or someone has told you to change. Hypnotherapy is brilliant for making those changes however you must want to change.

Let me give you some examples of why you may want to change.

You may be looking to get a new job and perhaps you lack the confidence for that new position. Perhaps, you feel that you’re missing out, perhaps going out with friends or for a meal because you felt that really, your friends didn’t want you there. You may have been in a controlling relationship and have constantly been undermined. Or do you constantly worry or overthink about things that you can’t control? Can you not take praise when it’s given? Do you worry about being in large crowns? Do you have a fear or phobia that stops you socialising? The list is endless.

There are so many reasons why people want to change there are many reasons why people need to change, but only you will know when the time is right for you. When the time is right, and you will know when it’s right, that’s when change can happen.

our subconscious remembers everything you have ever seen, felt, heard or smelt. A lot of that information we no longer need to hold onto, those feelings, those thoughts are what’s holding you back.

When it comes to making changes in life, it is often easier to talk about them rather than make them.  The first step is always the most difficult one. But one doesn’t have to do something as radical as moving to a new country; even small changes might be quite beneficial, and, who knows, some minor steps might further lead to huge leaps. 

Changing a hairstyle and outfit might be very useful and rewarding. The appearance is the physical reflection of one’s inner self and mood. Always wanted to have a short haircut and dye hair violet but never had the courage to do so? Well, just do it. Instead of overthinking it’s worth taking some action and do something you’ve ever wanted to do. The same goes with clothes. It’s worth trying different outfits and expressing one’s personality in such a way.

Changes in life help us move forward and become better professionals and better personalities, and that’s why even small variations in life can make us look at others and yourself differently and can bring us joy and life satisfaction.

When done reading this blog. I want you to grab a pen and paper and write down five reasons why you would like to change. Oi, come back. I said do it after reading this blog. By writing things down it makes it real, and when you read those five reasons back you can start thinking about the advantages of making those changes. When you have those advantages write them down also. Now you have two lists one saying why and the other one showing you why. Those lists can become your goals, achievable goals, and once you’ve reached those goals you may challenge yourself and set some higher goals.

Sometimes, you will be able to achieve your goals without any outside help. Start by talking to yourself as if you are your own best friend. Give yourself the advice that you would pass onto your best friend. Start to accept yourself as you are, and then make the changes that you want.

Hypnotherapy was my how. I knew hypnotherapy couldn’t change the past, but it can change the way you allow it to affect you. Content free hypnotherapy can help release the injustices, the hurt, the put downs, the grief and so much more. Allowing you to think more positively not only about yourself but for your future as well.

If you would like to know more about Hypnotherapy, contact me for a chat. If you’re not local to me, I am sure I could put you in contact with a hypnotherapist in your area. I’ve got to know many good therapists all over the country.

Until next time. Have a great week.

Best wishes

Jon x

Jon Adkin BAHyp Hypnotherapist

Based in Suffolk, covering Cambridge, Suffolk and Essex.

Author of ‘Can i Change?’ Available from amazon.

Find Jon on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube.

Unhappy New Year?

Hi. Welcome to 2020, a new year a new decade. How about a new start? I know there were lots of posts New Year New Me. I even used it myself but if we are honest do we all start making the changes on the 1st of January. No of course not. Many don’t get up till midday and even then some have sore heads. So we lose the first then we get to the 2nd and we hit the shops or slump in front of the TV and so begins the pattern.

You can make changes whenever you want. In fact you can make the changes when you want to make them, not when someone tells you to make them. If you are fed up living the same life that you have been living then when you are ready make make small subtle changes, and once those changes happen and you accept them, then you can make bigger better changes.

How Long it Really Takes to Build a New Positive Habit

On average, it takes more than 2 months before a new behavior becomes automatic — 66 days to be exact. And how long it takes a new habit to form can vary widely depending on the behavior, the person, and the circumstances. In a study, it took anywhere from 18 days to 254 days for people to form a new positive habit. 

In other words, if you want to set your expectations appropriately, the truth is that it will probably take you anywhere from two months to eight months to build a new behavior into your life — not 21 days.

Before you let this dishearten you, let’s talk about three reasons why this research is actually inspiring. First, there is no reason to get down on yourself if you try something for a few weeks and it doesn’t become a habit. It’s supposed to take longer than that! There is no need to judge yourself if you can’t master a behavior in 21 short days. Learn to love you.

Second, you don’t have to be perfect. Making a mistake once or twice has no measurable impact on your long-term habits. This is why you should treat failure like a scientist, give yourself permission to make mistakes, and develop strategies for getting back on track quickly.

Changing the way you think.

Recognize That It’s All in Your Head. We can get a little far out with this, but it boils down to one thing-reality is what you make it to be. Every interaction, conversation, process, and personal thought that happens over the course of the day-both good and bad-plays out in your head as much as it plays out in reality. In the same vein, avoid “negative” content. This is not necessarily content that is violent, gory, or excessively sexual. Rather it’s “negative” because it doesn’t add anything to your life. You aren’t making yourself a better person by consuming nothing but poorly-written novels or bad summer movies. You’re just coasting-and if you’re coasting then you’re not growing, and that growth is a step towards improving your self-perception.

Change Your Inner Voice.

Think about the ways you talk to yourself. In the morning when you’re getting ready, or when you’re cooking dinner in the evening. How about after your boss comes after you with a minor screw up that was made? Or when your partner is upset about something that isn’t being done at home? Think about the kind of language you use when you talk to yourself after these experiences. Do you use negative words and chastise yourself? Or do you say you’ll try again harder, and that it’s no big deal?

Step outside your own head for a moment and think about how you would react if these same experiences were happening to a loved one. Imagine that this loved one came to you with a story from work today-their boss got mad about a PowerPoint slide that had a typo, and they felt awful about themselves. They put themselves down and called themselves horrible names. Is that something you’d allow your loved one to do, or would you step in and tell them that it’s no big deal, people make mistakes, their boss was a jerk to overreact?

Now-why not do the same for yourself?

The next time you catch yourself using negative self-talk, try and take a step back. Breathe deeply. Relax. Remember to be kind to yourself, even if it is “just in your head.” Remind yourself that you’ll try harder next time, or that whatever mess up you’ve experienced isn’t that big of a deal in the long run. Practice self-forgiveness, and you’ll find that your self-image starts to improve vastly.

This year in my blogs I am going to help you feel better about yourselves and supply you with the tools that you need to send that negativity on its way.

Remember you are always in control of your thoughts. Just make those thoughts positve. and get into the habit of re framing your thoughts. stay positive.

Until next week

Have a good one

Jon X