How do we know if we are confident?

If you like to listen rather than read. please click above.
Are you confident?

We know that when we feel confident it is a great state to be in; we trust ourselves to handle whatever is going to occur and we believe we have the abilities to handle what is ahead of us. We feel relaxed; we tend to go with the flow, and we respond naturally to those around us.

Because inner confidence tends to be reflected in how we look and sound, others can also spot when someone is truly confident and at one with themselves.

However, being confident is not enough. Just because we are confident it does not necessarily mean we will naturally connect with others. This depends on your interpersonal skills and your ability to build rapport with others. So, having confidence does not necessarily lead to charisma and an ability to influence others.

How is it related to self esteem?

People can lack confidence, but still have a sense of self worth and high self esteem. Self worth is about whether we feel worthy of happiness, success and the trust and love of others. Low self esteem can go hand in hand with a lack of confidence, but this is not always the case.

What’s the relationship between confidence and charisma?

Charisma is usually described as the ability to inspire others and to draw interest and affection from them, based on the ability to influence others through personal charm. Some politicians and business leaders are described as charismatic. True charisma is genuine, resulting from a genuine interest and liking for others, as distinct from someone who tries to manipulate the situation by turning on the charm.

Are you just born confident?

Is confidence genetic? Can it disappear? Can you develop it later in life?

It can often seem that some people are just born confident. From a very young age, they are happy to explore new environments, interact with new people and try out new activities. Those who are not like this can feel that confidence is totally down to nature and genes, and there is nothing they can do about it.

However, many people who were less than confident when young subsequently develop into confident adults. Also, people who are confident most of the time can suddenly lack confidence in certain situations. So it is not just something we inherit or that is static and about which you can’t do anything.

Therefore, although some people might start off life appearing or even being more confident than others, this does not mean that the rest of us can’t and won’t become more confident in time.

The first step is to make sure you are not undermining your own confidence. Our inner dialogue can have a huge impact on how confident we feel, so there are some exercises in this e-book to help you to explore your self talk.

Developing your understanding of what helps or hinders you in feeling confident will assist you in knowing when and where to take action to boost your confidence.

There are also simple techniques that you can use to boost your confidence, especially if there are certain situations that tend to unsettle you. Using these techniques over a period of time will result in you becoming a much more confident person.

Are you too confident?

Can you become too confident?

We can probably all think of someone who is overly confident, perhaps even being unbearably arrogant or overestimating their own abilities, with resulting mistakes. You can also probably think of some individuals who are so lacking in confidence that you never get to hear what they think, so they don’t seem to contribute anything to the situation or they never stop worrying about things. It certainly appears that too much or too little confidence can have a negative impact on someone’s ability to work effectively.

It is important for us to have confidence in our ability to do tasks and undertake activities if we are to succeed. However, if we become complacent, thinking ‘I’ve done this a thousand times before and it will be fine’, we can become slipshod and not take care over what we are doing. It is therefore useful to learn how to be confident in yourself and your abilities, while still keeping on your toes and not taking it for granted that success will just happen without you making any effort or taking care.

Being appropriately confident

However, you will also know people who are very confident and wonderful to work with. They listen to others’ ideas; they support and encourage others; they celebrate other people’s successes and so on. So what is it that makes a difference and stops them from being arrogant and walking all over others? It is likely to be a mixture of many different things and will vary from individual to individual, but it might include some of the following:

  • Their personality type might mean they have an interest in other people, a natural leaning towards supporting others, building connections and relationships
  • They have a sense of humility about their own strengths and successes, which means they can celebrate these without becoming overbearing and big headed
  • They possess a genuine desire to help others realise their own potential
  • They recognise that success comes through people working together, not through competitive and uncooperative behaviour.

Can you act or seem confident even if you are not?

A lot of people get through life appearing confident, when inside they feel like a nervous wreck! However, this is not an enjoyable way of life and not the most effective way of being and working, because it can mean some or all of the following:

  • You over-prepare because you worry so much about things going wrong
  • You lose sleep the night before big presentations, meetings and so on, which means you are not on top form the next day
  • You hold back from putting forward your ideas because you think they are not valid
  • You hold back from going for promotion or a new job or your dreams because you don’t think you are good enough
  • You over-analyse situations that happen, rather than trusting your inner wisdom
  • You fail to learn from mistakes because you spend so much time beating yourself up and feeling guilty
  • You try and control things outside yourself, because you don’t feel in control of yourself
  • You are nervous of delegating as you don’t trust others and are fearful of things going wrong
  • You don’t challenge others and you doubt that your opinion counts or is right.
  • Therefore, although you can get away with it for some time, acting confident without feeling that way is not a comfortable or helpful place to be.
Be true to yourself.

It seems that just trying to appear confident does not necessarily breed true confidence. There are plenty of people who have done lots of presentations, managed people or been driving for years, but who still worry about it and are not confident in their ability to do these activities successfully.

Confidence comes from within. It is about how you think about yourself and the world around you and the impact that this has on how you feel, which in turn affects your behaviour. However much you work on appearing confident, it is therefore not going to change unless you change what is happening on the inside – how you feel. People who lack confidence but still have successes will often discount these, so they don’t end up feeling successful or more confident in their own abilities.

This blog is extracts from my e-book that you get when you sign up for one of my packages. Message me if you would like more details.

best wishes

Remember IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU.

Until next time.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.

Jon

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon. and 100 days in isolation. A collection of funny original images of one mans decent into comic madness during lockdown

Find me on You TubeFacebookInstagram. and now TikTok.

What can I do for you?

As this pandemic rolls on and we are asked to stay in or work from home, I fully understand these advisories and I ask everyone to do what they can to help us all get back to normal, whatever that will be. However what we don’t see is the mental damage that staying in or working from home can do or is doing to so many people. Many Mums are struggling with home schooling, many couples are not enjoying being confined to the house with the same person, tempers are flaring, anxieties are raising, stress levels are going through the roof and depression is setting in fast.

It really doesn’t have to be that way.

Many therapists are still working and we are here to help you through this period. Many say I can’t afford it….Hang on we haven’t been out for months, so no new shoes or outfits, no new nails or hairstyles, Think of the money you have saved on meals out, or nights down the pub. It soon all adds up. How about spending that money on YOU, and your wellbeing.

Some say, but we can’t go out… Well that’s true to an extent. A visit to a therapist for a mental health issue is totally acceptable. any open therapist will be Covid compliant, we have to be to meet out insurance needs. Also most of us are happy to work online, so you don’t even have to leave your home. There is always a way.

Don’t suffer any longer that you have to.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Now you may not have considered hypnotherapy as a solution to your issues, so I’m going to share with you what I and many therapists can help you with. Some of this information that I’m going to share with you comes from other reputable therapists, but I will assure you that I would never ever take on a client that I felt I would not be able to help. If I can’t help you I will find someone who can.

The way hypnosis is shown in the media may make it seem like it’s just for fun, but there’s more to hypnosis than its entertainment factor. In fact, hypnosis can benefit your health and well-being.

In healthcare, hypnosis can be used as a psychological treatment to help you experience changes in sensations, perceptions, thoughts, or behaviors. It’s done in a clinical setting and performed by a fully trained healthcare professional. Hypnotherapy, which is the form of therapy that uses hypnosis as either a standalone or supplemental treatment — can benefit your health in a variety of ways.

Anxiety

Relaxation techniques — including hypnosis — can ease and in some case remove anxiety. Hypnosis may also be able to help if you struggle with a phobia — a type of anxiety disorder where you are intensely fearful of something that does not pose a significant threat.

How it works: Hypnosis works to help anxiety by encouraging your body to activate its natural relaxation response through the use of a phrase or nonverbal cue, slowing breathing, lowering blood pressure, and instilling an overall sense of well-being.

Time to leave the dark past behind.

Chronic Pain

Hypnosis can help with pain — like what’s experienced after surgery or from migraines or tension headaches. And it can help with chronic pain, too. People with pain related to conditions like arthritis, cancer, and fibromyalgia, — as well as people who have lower-back pain — may experience relief from hypnosis.

How it works: Hypnosis can help you cope with pain and gain more self-control over your pain. Additionally, studies indicate that hypnosis can do this effectively for long periods of time.

Confidence and self-esteem

Hypnotherapy can help some people improve their self-confidence and self-esteem. By accessing your unconscious mind, or inner voice, a hypnotherapist can help you start to take control about how you are feeling about yourself, working with you to discover what may have caused you to develop low-confidence, and helping you to feel more confident.

How it works. Whilst in a relaxed state a hypnotherapist will communicate with your unconscious, using questions and suggestive statements to challenge your limiting beliefs. The statements used will depend on your personal circumstances and will relate to any particular confidence issues you feel you have. The idea behind hypnotherapy is that when your unconscious believes you are confident, this translates to your conscious. This therefore changes your thought patterns and actions to improve your confidence.

Depression

Another treatment option to manage and overcome depression is hypnotherapy. This approach works on a subconscious level, using techniques to identify and address the root causes while offering positive suggestions to break negative thinking patterns.

How it works. Rather than treat the symptoms of depression, hypnotherapy aims to tackle what triggers lead to your depression so you can unpick it and move on.

“Hypnotherapy works for depression because it targets the underlying basis of depression, and completes the “unfinished business” that otherwise continues to recycle as self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviours. With hypnotherapy, the person can go down deeper to their traumatic experiences, memories and stored emotions, which means they can quickly release them from the mind and body.”

John Gotelee

Hypnotherapy can lift that darkness.

I have only focused on a very very small area of what hypnotherapy can help you with, especially through this pandemic. If you are suffering from any of the above or an issue that is effecting your mental health YOU ARE ALLOWED TO MAKE A VISIT TO YOUR LOCAL THERAPIST.

On top of hypnotherapy I am also an IEMT practitioner whish will help you with abuse, PTSD, trauma and so much more, but I will expand on that in my next blog. However if you want to know more please feel free to contact me or visit www.jonadkin.com.

You will also find testimonials and FAQs

I’m here to help, we are all here to help. Think about it. You could actually come out out of this lockdown a stronger person than you went in.

Until next time.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.

Jon

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon. and 100 days in isolation. A collection of funny original images of one mans decent into comic madness during lockdown

Find me on You TubeFacebookInstagram. and now TikTok.

It’s not how you change, it’s why!

Hi welcome to this week’s blog

recently in my Facebook posts, I have been asking the question it’s not how you change its why you want to change. This question hit home with a lot of my clients, it made people think, it made people question themselves. So, if you thought about it and you needed to change why is it that you need to change?

For me back in my 30s I used hypnotherapy because after suffering a lot of illness I had lost not only my confidence but also my self-worth. I didn’t want to sit down on the sofa all day watching bad television, I wanted to regain that confidence that self-belief that I once had. For me not only did hypnotherapy help me get back my confidence and my self-worth it took me beyond where I  wanted to be. 

So, my why, was realising that I had survived those illnesses and I now wanted to grab life with both hands and enjoy it.

Why do you want to change?

So, ask yourself what is your why for wanting to change your life for the better. Perhaps you have been suffering from anxiety and been living a long time behind a mask. For whatever reason you have now decided to step out from behind that mask, perhaps you will once put down, insulted or made to feel not good enough. However, now you know you are good enough you always were good enough you just didn’t believe it.

There are many reasons why someone wants to change, there are many ways how people can change, you have to find your how and your why that suits you best.

I used hypnotherapy because I wanted to get to the root of the problem, I knew the problem was the way I was thinking about myself, I knew it but the problem was my mindset, And I knew I had to change.

So take a moment now think of your why, make sure that is what you want and not because someone has asked you to change or someone has told you to change. Hypnotherapy is brilliant for making those changes however you must want to change.

Let me give you some examples of why you may want to change.

You may be looking to get a new job and perhaps you lack the confidence for that new position. Perhaps, you feel that you’re missing out, perhaps going out with friends or for a meal because you felt that really, your friends didn’t want you there. You may have been in a controlling relationship and have constantly been undermined. Or do you constantly worry or overthink about things that you can’t control? Can you not take praise when it’s given? Do you worry about being in large crowns? Do you have a fear or phobia that stops you socialising? The list is endless.

There are so many reasons why people want to change there are many reasons why people need to change, but only you will know when the time is right for you. When the time is right, and you will know when it’s right, that’s when change can happen.

our subconscious remembers everything you have ever seen, felt, heard or smelt. A lot of that information we no longer need to hold onto, those feelings, those thoughts are what’s holding you back.

When it comes to making changes in life, it is often easier to talk about them rather than make them.  The first step is always the most difficult one. But one doesn’t have to do something as radical as moving to a new country; even small changes might be quite beneficial, and, who knows, some minor steps might further lead to huge leaps. 

Changing a hairstyle and outfit might be very useful and rewarding. The appearance is the physical reflection of one’s inner self and mood. Always wanted to have a short haircut and dye hair violet but never had the courage to do so? Well, just do it. Instead of overthinking it’s worth taking some action and do something you’ve ever wanted to do. The same goes with clothes. It’s worth trying different outfits and expressing one’s personality in such a way.

Changes in life help us move forward and become better professionals and better personalities, and that’s why even small variations in life can make us look at others and yourself differently and can bring us joy and life satisfaction.

When done reading this blog. I want you to grab a pen and paper and write down five reasons why you would like to change. Oi, come back. I said do it after reading this blog. By writing things down it makes it real, and when you read those five reasons back you can start thinking about the advantages of making those changes. When you have those advantages write them down also. Now you have two lists one saying why and the other one showing you why. Those lists can become your goals, achievable goals, and once you’ve reached those goals you may challenge yourself and set some higher goals.

Sometimes, you will be able to achieve your goals without any outside help. Start by talking to yourself as if you are your own best friend. Give yourself the advice that you would pass onto your best friend. Start to accept yourself as you are, and then make the changes that you want.

Hypnotherapy was my how. I knew hypnotherapy couldn’t change the past, but it can change the way you allow it to affect you. Content free hypnotherapy can help release the injustices, the hurt, the put downs, the grief and so much more. Allowing you to think more positively not only about yourself but for your future as well.

If you would like to know more about Hypnotherapy, contact me for a chat. If you’re not local to me, I am sure I could put you in contact with a hypnotherapist in your area. I’ve got to know many good therapists all over the country.

Until next time. Have a great week.

Best wishes

Jon x

Jon Adkin BAHyp Hypnotherapist

Based in Suffolk, covering Cambridge, Suffolk and Essex.

Author of ‘Can i Change?’ Available from amazon.

Find Jon on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube.

Confidence. A Christmas gift for you.

Hi

Welcome back. This week I want to share some tips that will help you gain some of that confidence that you may feel you need.

Habits That Make You Feel Positive and Confident

Make a decision. Don’t consult with a friend about what to order at  dinner or call your spouse when shopping for groceries. Make a decision based on what your gut is telling you. It will make you feel stronger and allows you to practice trusting your inner voice.

Try something new. Confidence doesn’t come from perfection, it comes from effort.

Gently exercise. Exercise is the most important non-medicine           treatment for anxiety, depression, and insomnia. Just moving your body will break up negative thoughts and boost serotonin. Move your body every day, just be mindful of your energy and never overdo it. A seven minute workout or yoga in your living room will all work.

Clean up your news feed. Social media that is full of triggers, images, and updates can push you into a bad mood. Start following inspirational or “happy” accounts. HealthyPlace on Facebook or my Guidance Girl page always inspires. The more positive images you view the better you will feel.

Think back. Think back over the past week and write down every nice thing others said to you. Review the complements or comments when you’re feeling insecure.

Make a happy playlist. Music can  physiologically changes your brain and body. It can make you breathe faster, increase your pulse, and make you smile. Songs with a quick tempo and uplifting lyrics have been shown to be more effective at bringing out happy emotions. One of my favourites is ‘Happy’ by Pharrell. What are a few on your playlist?

Say no. Don’t say yes when you want to say no. You’re letting yourself down if you do favours you don’t want to do. Next time someone asks for something that will make you feel funky, and you feel the urge to say “yes,” remind yourself they are asking, not ordering. You will respect yourself more later on.

Practice posture. Hunching over at your desk can make you less        confident and more insecure according to research from Ohio State   University. Pull your belly button in towards your spine and pull your shoulders back when sitting or standing.

Give yourself credit for small, daily accomplishments, even if you are not done. Did you work on cleaning up your closet but still have stacks of clothes to fold? Great, take a moment to focus on what you have done, don’t just wait until a project is finished.

Get grateful. Write a thank-you note, or call someone to say thanks for meeting with you for lunch last week. People who are mindful of the positives in their life, create more positive energy. Comment on a post you like, email a friend, or even write down what you are grateful for in the moment (try and think of 5 new ones each time).

Remember, small shifts can produce remarkable results. The intention of building more positive thoughts and experiences will undoubtedly increase your self-confidence and self-esteem. One of my favourite  affirmations that may help is:

 

“I am perfectly imperfect.

I strive for better while loving all that I am today.

In loving myself today, I am better equipped to

improve myself tomorrow.”

Change2

Can I do it?

Self-Efficacy “You Can Do It – You’ve Got What It Takes, or Can Get What It Takes!”

Self-efficacy is where we believe that it is possible for us to acquire the knowledge and skills that will enable us to achieve goals and success. It enables us to accept difficult challenges, and persist in the face of        setbacks and adversity. The opposite of self-efficacy is feelings like, you are not bright enough, or you are not educated enough, you didn’t go to the right school or university, or you are lacking anything, that you use as an excuse to justify your belief, that you can’t do it, you’ve not got what it takes, and you can’t get what it takes.

Self-Esteem “You Matter as Much as Anyone Else, You Deserve it, and You Can Cope with Anything!”

Self-esteem, is the belief that we matter, that we are important, in fact as important as anyone else, and that in general terms, we can cope with pretty much whatever life throws at us, and that we have a right to be happy and successful. Our self-esteem is helped, if others around us, approve of us and what we do; but it also helped, if we feel we are     behaving virtuously, and also that we are competent and skilled at what we do, and that we have the ability to accomplish things we want to, when we put our minds to it.

Positive Self-Image “You are Good Enough in All Respects Just as You Are!”

Dr Maxwell Maltz, wrote a book called Psycho-Cybernetics, which has helped millions of people. Dr Maltz was a plastic surgeon, who regularly positively impacted people’s physical appearance with his plastic        surgery. He observed the difference between people who had a positive perception of their physical changes, and how that positive perception could massively improve their success and happiness in life, and those who had a negative or unchanging perception of their appearance. In the case of the latter, nothing changed in their life. Our self-image, can have a massive impact on our self-confidence, and on the outcomes we achieve in our careers and lives.

14 Ways To Shed Negativity And Achieve Happiness

How many of us feel complete self-love and self-compassion? How many of us take care of our own needs and rely on the way we look at         ourselves instead of seeing who we are through the eyes of our partners or our tribe? How many of us live from our core beliefs instead of living through what everyone is expecting of us?

Learning self-love and overcoming the barriers you’ve built against   yourself are the greatest secrets to living happily. Self-love can bring you closer to inner truth and allow you to attract and create the happiness you deserve in your relationship, career, and life. Self-love will bring peace, love, fulfilment, satisfaction, significance, groundedness,         freedom, maturity, wisdom, and magic into your life.

Change

Here are 14 self-love steps that you can begin today to attract the love and happiness you want in your life:

 

  1. Get to know who you are.

Imagine yourself walking down the street with each one of your values. How do you feel? What do you notice? How are you expressing yourself? This will help you identify yourself through your own eyes instead of through the eyes of others.

  1. Be true to yourself. 

You can only speak your truth and express who you are when you are 100% honest with yourself first. Sometimes we discover things we don’t necessarily like about ourselves, but you can spend your life complaining about your weaknesses, or you can choose to shift your attention to your strengths.

  1. Take care of your needs.

We often do what others need so we can feel good about ourselves through the way they react to our action. This causes us to live our lives through the eyes of others and not from our core. Instead, take a look at what your needs are. What is the ONE thing you can do today that would make you feel more loved? For example, you can cook for      yourself, take a hot bubble bath, meditate, clean your room, or go wild listening to your favourite band.

  1. Learn to breathe.

We have a tendency to pressure ourselves into doing things quickly. Step back a little bit and watch yourself in action. What is the worst thing that could happen if you don’t get your tasks done immediately? Would you rather stay overwhelmed or would you rather enjoy your journey as you are completing your tasks?

  1. Be patient with yourself.

Have self-compassion. Your role models probably worked their butt off to get to where they are now, so be patient, take your journey step-by-step, and enjoy how life is unfolding for you. You miss out on so much in life when you beat yourself up. Patience is key to discovering the beauty of the mystery that every moment brings to you.

  1. Listen to your inner child.

The inner child is a very powerful voice that resides deep in our being. It is the voice of the needs that have not been met ever since we were kids. It talks to us about fear, hurt, and the safety that it is longing for and the love that it hungers for. So when you are in a challenging situation, step back for a moment and ask your inner child, “What is really hurting me right now? What do I really want?”

  1. Count your blessings.

We all have SO many blessings in our lives that we tend to take them for granted. Count every single thing you have in your life and be thankful for it. It could be as simple as being grateful for drinking water whenever you want. Practicing gratitude helps us find more meaning and appreciation in our everyday life.

  1. Accept your feelings.

Pain is part of life, and accepting what you feel right now is the first step towards your happiness. You may be angry and in so much pain, you might be regretting what you have done in the past. Allowing yourself to feel helps you identify the root cause of your disappointment and the moment you understand this feeling, you shift towards discovering what you want in life and how to get it.

  1. Do one act of kindness everyday.

Say something nice to a colleague or family member and show appreciation to people around you. This is a great way to start acknowledging the goodness in yourself and reflecting it in others.

  1. Build your support system.

You don’t have to hang out with people who don’t make you feel good about yourself. You have a choice, so find people who think like you, who are positive, who show support, who are grateful, and who reflect the quality that you want to have in your life.

  1. Work with your fears.

We all have fears that have been engraved within us ever since our childhood. Understanding your fears and allowing them to surface will help you work through them. When you repress and reject your fears because of unrealistic expectations of being perfect that society imposes on us, you will be granting more power and control to your fears.

  1. Recognize the love that is within you.

You are made of of love, you are love, and love rules Earth. No matter how much you try to beat yourself up or indirectly hurt others, know that in your heart you are seeking love in every moment you live. The only guarantee you have in life is that you can give love without expecting anything in return. Be the love that you want to experience in your life and in your relationship.

  1. Forgive and let go of the past.

Beating yourself up and blaming your unhappiness on the past will trigger more suffering in your life. You know you have a purpose in your life, so you have a choice: let the past haunt you and inflict more suffering in your life, or forgive yourself.

  1. Smile.

Smiling is healing for the heart, the mind and the body. Certain experiences can bring a smile to our face, and sometimes a smile can truly shift a negative emotion to a positive one. It is a simple way to heal yourself and bring a smile to other people’s faces.

You can stop and overcome the barriers that are preventing you from getting what you want. You are strong and you are love in your own   nature, so how are you going to use these strengths to create the happy life and loving relationship you want?

Next week I will share some Affirmations and some powerful quotes that have certainly helped me over the years.

Have a great week

Jon X

Want to read more or keep tips like this to hand. Buy my book ‘Can I change‘ From Amazon.

Self confidence. You can have it.

Hi Welcome to December. I should have done this week but time just got away from me. This week I want to blog about self confidence.

SELF CONFIDENCE /ˌsɛlfˈkɒnfɪd(ə)ns
a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgement.
“I feel terribly tired and completely lacking in self-confidence”
synonyms:
morale, confidence, self-assurance, belief in oneself, positiveness, assertiveness, assurance, self-reliance, selfpossession, composure, nerve, poise, presence, aplomb”she took care to build up his self-confidence by involving him in the planning”antonyms:
diffidence, unsureness
Self-confidence is a term that appears in many contexts, from improving mental health to helping people meet business goals and more. Self-confidence is more than a buzz word; it’s a genuine concept linked to mental health, wellbeing, and a positive way of being in the world. Self-confidence includes both feeling and doing.
Self-confidence is not so much a single idea as it is a process that involves how someone thinks about himself and others as well as how he functions despite challenges and uncertainties. Self-confidence applies to someone’s inner, private world and to his outer world around him or her.
The above definition explains what self-confidence is. These examples illustrate what self-confidence can look like. Self-confidence means:
Valuing yourself for who you are regardless of the blunders you make, the type of work you do or don’t do, etc.
Feeling good about yourself; feeling worthy despite imperfections
Being courageous enough to stand up for yourself and be assertive
Knowing that you’re worthy of others’ respect and friendship
Knowing and accepting the whole of you, both your strengths and weaknesses

The Meaning of Self-Confidence: A Quality-Of-Life Issue
How important is it for someone to develop self-confidence? The central issue relates to quality of life. Self-confidence influences the life someone creates for herself.
A lack of self-confidence negatively impacts someone’s quality of life. Having little self-confidence creates feelings of
Self-doubt
Unworthiness
Inferiority to others
Apathy
Loss of enjoyment
Anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges
In contrast, self-confidence creates
An awareness of strengths, limitations, and how to live your life with both
An acceptance of one’s faults; the realization that perfectionism is neither possible nor desirable
A feeling of being complete
A sense of inner peace
An experience of balance between one’s strengths and weaknesses
The ability to create and experience happiness
Self-confidence is experiencing genuinely positive feelings about yourself while accepting your faults and foibles. A definition of self-confidence is acting assertively because you believe in your inherent worth. Self-confidence means that even when you don’t like things about yourself, you love your whole self.

How confident do you seem to others?

Affirmations
Your level of self-confidence can show in many ways: your behaviour, your body language, how you speak, what you say, and so on. Look at the following comparisons of common confident behaviour with behaviour associated with low self-confidence. Which thoughts or actions do you recognize in yourself and people around you?
Doing what you believe to be right, even if others mock or criticize you for it.
Or
Governing your behaviour based on what other people think.
Being willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things.
Or
Staying in your comfort zone, fearing failure, and so avoid taking risks.
Admitting your mistakes, and learning from them.
Or
Working hard to cover up mistakes and hoping that you can fix the problem before anyone notices.
Accepting compliments graciously. “Thanks, I really worked hard on that prospectus. I’m pleased you recognize my efforts.”
Or
Dismissing compliments offhandedly. “Oh that prospectus was nothing really, anyone could have done it.”

As you can see from those examples, low self-confidence can be self-destructive, and it often manifests itself as negativity. Confident people are generally more positive – they believe in themselves and their abilities, and they also believe in living life to the full.

What Is Self-Confidence?

Two main things contribute to self-confidence: self-efficacy and self-esteem.
We gain a sense of self-efficacy when we see ourselves (and others similar to ourselves) mastering skills and achieving goals that matter in those skill areas. This is the confidence that, if we learn and work hard in a particular area, we’ll succeed; and it’s this type of confidence that leads people to accept difficult challenges, and persist in the face of setbacks.
This overlaps with the idea of self-esteem , which is a more general sense that we can cope with what’s going on in our lives, and that we have a right to be happy. Partly, this comes from a feeling that the people around us approve of us, which we may or may not be able to control. However, it also comes from the sense that we are behaving virtuously, that we’re competent at what we do, and that we can compete successfully when we put our minds to it.
Some people believe that self-confidence can be built with affirmations and positive thinking. I believe that there’s some truth in this, but that it’s just as important to build self-confidence by setting and achieving goals – thereby building competence. Without this underlying competence, you don’t have self-confidence: you have shallow over-confidence, with all of the issues, upset and failure that this brings.

Building Self-Confidence

So how do you build this sense of balanced self-confidence, founded on a firm appreciation of reality?
The bad news is that there’s no quick fix, or five-minute solution.
The good news is that becoming more confident is readily achievable, just as long as you have the focus and determination to carry things through. And what’s even better is that the things you’ll do to build your self-confidence will also build success – after all, your confidence will come from real, solid achievement. No-one can take this away from you!
So here are my eight steps to self-confidence,

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand brake on.” — Maxwell Maltz

1. Visualize yourself as you want to be.
“What the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.” — Napoleon Hill
Visualization is the technique of seeing an image of yourself that you are proud of, in your own mind. When we struggle with low self-confidence, we have a poor perception of ourselves that is often inaccurate. Practice visualizing a fantastic version of yourself, achieving your goals.

2. Affirm yourself.
“Affirmations are a powerful tool to deliberately install desired beliefs about yourself.” – Nikki Carnevale
We tend to behave in accordance with our own self-image. The trick to making lasting change is to change how you view yourself.
Affirmations are positive and uplifting statements that we say to ourselves. These are normally more effective if said out loud so that you can hear yourself say it. We tend to believe whatever we tell ourselves constantly. For example, if you hate your own physical appearance, practice saying something that you appreciate or like about yourself when you next look in the mirror.

talkingtoself

To get your brain to accept your positive statements more quickly, phrase your affirmations as questions like, “Why am I so good in making deals?” instead of “I am so good at making deals.” Our brains are biologically wired to seek answers to questions, without analysing whether the question is valid or not.

3. Do one thing that scares you every day.
“If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.” — T. Harv Eker
The best way to overcome fear is to face it head-on. By doing something that scares you every day and gaining confidence from every experience, you will see your self-confidence soar. So, get out of your comfort zone and face your fears!

4. Question your inner critic.
“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” — Louise L. Hay
Some of the harshest comments that we get come from ourselves, via the “voice of the inner critic.” If you struggle with low self-confidence, there is a possibility that your inner critic has become overactive and inaccurate. Strategies like cognitive behavioural therapy help you to question your inner critic, and look for evidence to support or deny the things that your inner critic is saying to you. For example, if you think that you are a failure, ask yourself, “What evidence is there to support the thought that I am a failure?” and “What evidence is there that doesn’t support the thought that I am a failure?”
Find opportunities to congratulate, compliment and reward yourself, even for the smallest successes.

As Mark Twain said, “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

5. Help someone else.
Helping someone else often enables us to forget about ourselves and to feel grateful for what we have. It also feels good when you are able to make a difference for someone else.
Instead of focusing on your own weaknesses, volunteer to mentor, practically assist or teach another, and you’ll see your self-confidence grow automatically in the process.

6. Care for yourself.
“Self-care is never a selfish act — it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.” — Parker Palmer
Self-confidence depends on a combination of good physical health, emotional health and social health. It is hard to feel good about yourself if you hate your physique or constantly have low energy. Make time to cultivate great exercise, eating and sleep habits. In addition, dress the way you want to feel. You have heard the saying that “clothes make the woman.” Build your self-confidence by making the effort to look after your own needs

7. Create personal boundaries.
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”– Harvey Fierstein
Learn to say no. Teach others to respect your personal space. The more control and say that you have over your own life, the greater will be your self-confidence.
8. Shift to an equality mentality.
“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” — Marilyn Monroe
People with low self-confidence see others as better or more deserving than themselves. Instead of carrying this perception, see yourself as being equal to everyone. They are no better or more deserving than you. Make a mental shift to an equality mentality and you will automatically see an improvement in your self-confidence.

I hope you enjoyed this blog on Self confidence.

Next week I will be offering some tips to help you with self confidence.

This blog is using extracts from my book ‘Can I Change?’ available from Amazon in Paperback or Kindle. It makes a nice stocking filler.

Until next week. Be safe and be happy

Jon X