Love Yourself First

February Blog in Spoken Word

In This Month Of Love. Love you first.
Welcome to my February blog. So this month I would like to talk about self-love. Well, it is February and that means the month of love, but why is self-love important. Well, there is a quote that says
“Self-Love is not selfish; you cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself.”
And that is so true. As I’ve said many times “It all starts with you.”
How can you expect others to love you if you don’t love yourself. Think about it. Could you love you if you met yourself at a party? To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness. Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing.


So how can you love yourself? Well let me help you.
The first step in learning to love yourself is understanding the meaning of self-love. Think of it in the context of the love you have for your partner or a close friend: You are aware of their flaws but appreciate how those imperfections make up the person you care about, trust and support. Now turn all that compassion, forgiveness and understanding inward. “Self-love means accepting your strengths, your weaknesses and everything in between
It’s so easy to tell someone “Love yourself” and much more difficult to describe how to do it. Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good; it is an action. Self-love is a choice. It is a way of relating to yourself that involves being understanding for your mistakes, understanding in your losses, and being able to effectively communicate with yourself about life without harshly judging or punishing yourself.

It all Starts With You

Research has shown that learning how to self-love is associated with:

  • Less anxiety and depression
  • Better recovery from stress
  • An overall more optimistic outlook on life
  • Better adherence to healthy behaviour changes

In short, self-love is how you view yourself and how you treat yourself.

Why is Self-Love Important?

Learning how to self-love is important to living happier and healthier in every aspect of your life. It influences who you pick to be your mate for life, the image you project at work, how you accomplish your work, the way you raise your children, the way you interact with those around you and the way you cope with the problems in your life.

Why You Might Be Lacking Self-Love

Low self-esteem or lack of self-love is something that could be developed in childhood and carry through to adulthood. Or, it is something that could present itself solely in adulthood.

Some negative behaviours that can be attributed to a lack of self-love, according to the National Association for Self-Esteem:

  • Earlier sexual activity
  • Alcohol and drug abuse
  • Self-harm
  • Eating disorders

You might be lacking self-love for a variety of reasons or habits, as noted above. It can be because of the actions of those around you, because of a traumatic event in your life, because you lacked a good example of self-love, or simply because of a way of thinking that you innately practice. But, one important thing to remember is that low self-esteem due to a lack of self-love is not an accurate reflection of reality, rather a reflection of your perception on reality.

Tips to Learn How to Self-Love

While self-love is not necessarily innate, it can be taught. Here are some helpful tips on how to self-love today:

Recognise How You Are Feeling

You’ve probably heard the cliché saying that “the first step to overcoming a problem is admitting that you have one.” Well, one of the first steps to learning how to self-love is kind of similar – it is becoming aware of yourself. We all feel a variety of emotions throughout our life – sadness, anger, frustration, loneliness, happiness, and more. When something is off, it is important to take a moment to recognise how you are feeling at that moment and why.

Why are you sad? Why are you angry? Why are you happy? In self-love, you must be mindful so that you can begin to shift any negative state that is involved in those feelings.

Accept How You Are Feeling

While there is nothing wrong with feeling any of the emotions we mentioned or others, it is important that once you recognise your emotions you can accept them. Whether you want to feel it or not, the feeling is there. Take a moment to pause and sit with that feeling. Now, scan your body to see where you feel it.

Think About Your Feelings from an Outsider’s Perspective

How would you feel if you saw a loved one experiencing the feeling you are experiencing at that moment? Then, think about how you might encourage them to proceed. What is funny about life and our brains is that we treat ourselves entirely different than we treat others. While we might try to enforce a positive behaviour on our friend or family member experiencing a negative emotion, we would beat ourselves up for feeling this way. View this situation with a kind eye and be kind to yourself. Love yourself in that moment and all moments.

Forgive Yourself

This self-love tip really has two points to it: First, decide what it will take to forgive yourself for whatever the situation is. Second, make a conscious decision to forgive yourself. We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes, but it is important to give yourself a break. You can be your own worst enemy at times. When you believe you have made a mistake, decide what action you can take to make it right in your own eyes. Then, use self-talk to encourage yourself to take that step toward forgiveness.

Say No to Others

Sometimes practising self-love isn’t just about speaking kindly to ourselves when we are feeling certain emotions. It can also be about taking care of ourselves when others are around. Set boundaries. Make time for yourself. It is okay to tell people “no” if you think that you need to. Love yourself enough to make the right decision for you, not for anyone else. Self-love is a continuous action, a continuous process, a continuous choice. You should constantly be investing in yourself by working on doing things that promote self-love.

Accept Help

One way to continuously ensure you are focusing on how to self-love and putting tips like these into practice is to consider seeing a therapist regularly for support. Book an appointment and start your journey to learning how to self-love.

Self-love is vital to your overall well-being. Invest in your self – you matter.

You Are important

Until next month. Stay Healthy, Stay Happy and Start to LOVE YOURSELF that little bit more.

Jon X

Jon Adkin BAHyp Clinical Hypnotherapist and IEMT Practitioner.

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How do we know if we are confident?

If you like to listen rather than read. please click above.
Are you confident?

We know that when we feel confident it is a great state to be in; we trust ourselves to handle whatever is going to occur and we believe we have the abilities to handle what is ahead of us. We feel relaxed; we tend to go with the flow, and we respond naturally to those around us.

Because inner confidence tends to be reflected in how we look and sound, others can also spot when someone is truly confident and at one with themselves.

However, being confident is not enough. Just because we are confident it does not necessarily mean we will naturally connect with others. This depends on your interpersonal skills and your ability to build rapport with others. So, having confidence does not necessarily lead to charisma and an ability to influence others.

How is it related to self esteem?

People can lack confidence, but still have a sense of self worth and high self esteem. Self worth is about whether we feel worthy of happiness, success and the trust and love of others. Low self esteem can go hand in hand with a lack of confidence, but this is not always the case.

What’s the relationship between confidence and charisma?

Charisma is usually described as the ability to inspire others and to draw interest and affection from them, based on the ability to influence others through personal charm. Some politicians and business leaders are described as charismatic. True charisma is genuine, resulting from a genuine interest and liking for others, as distinct from someone who tries to manipulate the situation by turning on the charm.

Are you just born confident?

Is confidence genetic? Can it disappear? Can you develop it later in life?

It can often seem that some people are just born confident. From a very young age, they are happy to explore new environments, interact with new people and try out new activities. Those who are not like this can feel that confidence is totally down to nature and genes, and there is nothing they can do about it.

However, many people who were less than confident when young subsequently develop into confident adults. Also, people who are confident most of the time can suddenly lack confidence in certain situations. So it is not just something we inherit or that is static and about which you can’t do anything.

Therefore, although some people might start off life appearing or even being more confident than others, this does not mean that the rest of us can’t and won’t become more confident in time.

The first step is to make sure you are not undermining your own confidence. Our inner dialogue can have a huge impact on how confident we feel, so there are some exercises in this e-book to help you to explore your self talk.

Developing your understanding of what helps or hinders you in feeling confident will assist you in knowing when and where to take action to boost your confidence.

There are also simple techniques that you can use to boost your confidence, especially if there are certain situations that tend to unsettle you. Using these techniques over a period of time will result in you becoming a much more confident person.

Are you too confident?

Can you become too confident?

We can probably all think of someone who is overly confident, perhaps even being unbearably arrogant or overestimating their own abilities, with resulting mistakes. You can also probably think of some individuals who are so lacking in confidence that you never get to hear what they think, so they don’t seem to contribute anything to the situation or they never stop worrying about things. It certainly appears that too much or too little confidence can have a negative impact on someone’s ability to work effectively.

It is important for us to have confidence in our ability to do tasks and undertake activities if we are to succeed. However, if we become complacent, thinking ‘I’ve done this a thousand times before and it will be fine’, we can become slipshod and not take care over what we are doing. It is therefore useful to learn how to be confident in yourself and your abilities, while still keeping on your toes and not taking it for granted that success will just happen without you making any effort or taking care.

Being appropriately confident

However, you will also know people who are very confident and wonderful to work with. They listen to others’ ideas; they support and encourage others; they celebrate other people’s successes and so on. So what is it that makes a difference and stops them from being arrogant and walking all over others? It is likely to be a mixture of many different things and will vary from individual to individual, but it might include some of the following:

  • Their personality type might mean they have an interest in other people, a natural leaning towards supporting others, building connections and relationships
  • They have a sense of humility about their own strengths and successes, which means they can celebrate these without becoming overbearing and big headed
  • They possess a genuine desire to help others realise their own potential
  • They recognise that success comes through people working together, not through competitive and uncooperative behaviour.

Can you act or seem confident even if you are not?

A lot of people get through life appearing confident, when inside they feel like a nervous wreck! However, this is not an enjoyable way of life and not the most effective way of being and working, because it can mean some or all of the following:

  • You over-prepare because you worry so much about things going wrong
  • You lose sleep the night before big presentations, meetings and so on, which means you are not on top form the next day
  • You hold back from putting forward your ideas because you think they are not valid
  • You hold back from going for promotion or a new job or your dreams because you don’t think you are good enough
  • You over-analyse situations that happen, rather than trusting your inner wisdom
  • You fail to learn from mistakes because you spend so much time beating yourself up and feeling guilty
  • You try and control things outside yourself, because you don’t feel in control of yourself
  • You are nervous of delegating as you don’t trust others and are fearful of things going wrong
  • You don’t challenge others and you doubt that your opinion counts or is right.
  • Therefore, although you can get away with it for some time, acting confident without feeling that way is not a comfortable or helpful place to be.
Be true to yourself.

It seems that just trying to appear confident does not necessarily breed true confidence. There are plenty of people who have done lots of presentations, managed people or been driving for years, but who still worry about it and are not confident in their ability to do these activities successfully.

Confidence comes from within. It is about how you think about yourself and the world around you and the impact that this has on how you feel, which in turn affects your behaviour. However much you work on appearing confident, it is therefore not going to change unless you change what is happening on the inside – how you feel. People who lack confidence but still have successes will often discount these, so they don’t end up feeling successful or more confident in their own abilities.

This blog is extracts from my e-book that you get when you sign up for one of my packages. Message me if you would like more details.

best wishes

Remember IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU.

Until next time.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.

Jon

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon. and 100 days in isolation. A collection of funny original images of one mans decent into comic madness during lockdown

Find me on You TubeFacebookInstagram. and now TikTok.

What can I do for you?

As this pandemic rolls on and we are asked to stay in or work from home, I fully understand these advisories and I ask everyone to do what they can to help us all get back to normal, whatever that will be. However what we don’t see is the mental damage that staying in or working from home can do or is doing to so many people. Many Mums are struggling with home schooling, many couples are not enjoying being confined to the house with the same person, tempers are flaring, anxieties are raising, stress levels are going through the roof and depression is setting in fast.

It really doesn’t have to be that way.

Many therapists are still working and we are here to help you through this period. Many say I can’t afford it….Hang on we haven’t been out for months, so no new shoes or outfits, no new nails or hairstyles, Think of the money you have saved on meals out, or nights down the pub. It soon all adds up. How about spending that money on YOU, and your wellbeing.

Some say, but we can’t go out… Well that’s true to an extent. A visit to a therapist for a mental health issue is totally acceptable. any open therapist will be Covid compliant, we have to be to meet out insurance needs. Also most of us are happy to work online, so you don’t even have to leave your home. There is always a way.

Don’t suffer any longer that you have to.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Now you may not have considered hypnotherapy as a solution to your issues, so I’m going to share with you what I and many therapists can help you with. Some of this information that I’m going to share with you comes from other reputable therapists, but I will assure you that I would never ever take on a client that I felt I would not be able to help. If I can’t help you I will find someone who can.

The way hypnosis is shown in the media may make it seem like it’s just for fun, but there’s more to hypnosis than its entertainment factor. In fact, hypnosis can benefit your health and well-being.

In healthcare, hypnosis can be used as a psychological treatment to help you experience changes in sensations, perceptions, thoughts, or behaviors. It’s done in a clinical setting and performed by a fully trained healthcare professional. Hypnotherapy, which is the form of therapy that uses hypnosis as either a standalone or supplemental treatment — can benefit your health in a variety of ways.

Anxiety

Relaxation techniques — including hypnosis — can ease and in some case remove anxiety. Hypnosis may also be able to help if you struggle with a phobia — a type of anxiety disorder where you are intensely fearful of something that does not pose a significant threat.

How it works: Hypnosis works to help anxiety by encouraging your body to activate its natural relaxation response through the use of a phrase or nonverbal cue, slowing breathing, lowering blood pressure, and instilling an overall sense of well-being.

Time to leave the dark past behind.

Chronic Pain

Hypnosis can help with pain — like what’s experienced after surgery or from migraines or tension headaches. And it can help with chronic pain, too. People with pain related to conditions like arthritis, cancer, and fibromyalgia, — as well as people who have lower-back pain — may experience relief from hypnosis.

How it works: Hypnosis can help you cope with pain and gain more self-control over your pain. Additionally, studies indicate that hypnosis can do this effectively for long periods of time.

Confidence and self-esteem

Hypnotherapy can help some people improve their self-confidence and self-esteem. By accessing your unconscious mind, or inner voice, a hypnotherapist can help you start to take control about how you are feeling about yourself, working with you to discover what may have caused you to develop low-confidence, and helping you to feel more confident.

How it works. Whilst in a relaxed state a hypnotherapist will communicate with your unconscious, using questions and suggestive statements to challenge your limiting beliefs. The statements used will depend on your personal circumstances and will relate to any particular confidence issues you feel you have. The idea behind hypnotherapy is that when your unconscious believes you are confident, this translates to your conscious. This therefore changes your thought patterns and actions to improve your confidence.

Depression

Another treatment option to manage and overcome depression is hypnotherapy. This approach works on a subconscious level, using techniques to identify and address the root causes while offering positive suggestions to break negative thinking patterns.

How it works. Rather than treat the symptoms of depression, hypnotherapy aims to tackle what triggers lead to your depression so you can unpick it and move on.

“Hypnotherapy works for depression because it targets the underlying basis of depression, and completes the “unfinished business” that otherwise continues to recycle as self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviours. With hypnotherapy, the person can go down deeper to their traumatic experiences, memories and stored emotions, which means they can quickly release them from the mind and body.”

John Gotelee

Hypnotherapy can lift that darkness.

I have only focused on a very very small area of what hypnotherapy can help you with, especially through this pandemic. If you are suffering from any of the above or an issue that is effecting your mental health YOU ARE ALLOWED TO MAKE A VISIT TO YOUR LOCAL THERAPIST.

On top of hypnotherapy I am also an IEMT practitioner whish will help you with abuse, PTSD, trauma and so much more, but I will expand on that in my next blog. However if you want to know more please feel free to contact me or visit www.jonadkin.com.

You will also find testimonials and FAQs

I’m here to help, we are all here to help. Think about it. You could actually come out out of this lockdown a stronger person than you went in.

Until next time.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.

Jon

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon. and 100 days in isolation. A collection of funny original images of one mans decent into comic madness during lockdown

Find me on You TubeFacebookInstagram. and now TikTok.

It’s not how you change, it’s why!

Hi welcome to this week’s blog

recently in my Facebook posts, I have been asking the question it’s not how you change its why you want to change. This question hit home with a lot of my clients, it made people think, it made people question themselves. So, if you thought about it and you needed to change why is it that you need to change?

For me back in my 30s I used hypnotherapy because after suffering a lot of illness I had lost not only my confidence but also my self-worth. I didn’t want to sit down on the sofa all day watching bad television, I wanted to regain that confidence that self-belief that I once had. For me not only did hypnotherapy help me get back my confidence and my self-worth it took me beyond where I  wanted to be. 

So, my why, was realising that I had survived those illnesses and I now wanted to grab life with both hands and enjoy it.

Why do you want to change?

So, ask yourself what is your why for wanting to change your life for the better. Perhaps you have been suffering from anxiety and been living a long time behind a mask. For whatever reason you have now decided to step out from behind that mask, perhaps you will once put down, insulted or made to feel not good enough. However, now you know you are good enough you always were good enough you just didn’t believe it.

There are many reasons why someone wants to change, there are many ways how people can change, you have to find your how and your why that suits you best.

I used hypnotherapy because I wanted to get to the root of the problem, I knew the problem was the way I was thinking about myself, I knew it but the problem was my mindset, And I knew I had to change.

So take a moment now think of your why, make sure that is what you want and not because someone has asked you to change or someone has told you to change. Hypnotherapy is brilliant for making those changes however you must want to change.

Let me give you some examples of why you may want to change.

You may be looking to get a new job and perhaps you lack the confidence for that new position. Perhaps, you feel that you’re missing out, perhaps going out with friends or for a meal because you felt that really, your friends didn’t want you there. You may have been in a controlling relationship and have constantly been undermined. Or do you constantly worry or overthink about things that you can’t control? Can you not take praise when it’s given? Do you worry about being in large crowns? Do you have a fear or phobia that stops you socialising? The list is endless.

There are so many reasons why people want to change there are many reasons why people need to change, but only you will know when the time is right for you. When the time is right, and you will know when it’s right, that’s when change can happen.

our subconscious remembers everything you have ever seen, felt, heard or smelt. A lot of that information we no longer need to hold onto, those feelings, those thoughts are what’s holding you back.

When it comes to making changes in life, it is often easier to talk about them rather than make them.  The first step is always the most difficult one. But one doesn’t have to do something as radical as moving to a new country; even small changes might be quite beneficial, and, who knows, some minor steps might further lead to huge leaps. 

Changing a hairstyle and outfit might be very useful and rewarding. The appearance is the physical reflection of one’s inner self and mood. Always wanted to have a short haircut and dye hair violet but never had the courage to do so? Well, just do it. Instead of overthinking it’s worth taking some action and do something you’ve ever wanted to do. The same goes with clothes. It’s worth trying different outfits and expressing one’s personality in such a way.

Changes in life help us move forward and become better professionals and better personalities, and that’s why even small variations in life can make us look at others and yourself differently and can bring us joy and life satisfaction.

When done reading this blog. I want you to grab a pen and paper and write down five reasons why you would like to change. Oi, come back. I said do it after reading this blog. By writing things down it makes it real, and when you read those five reasons back you can start thinking about the advantages of making those changes. When you have those advantages write them down also. Now you have two lists one saying why and the other one showing you why. Those lists can become your goals, achievable goals, and once you’ve reached those goals you may challenge yourself and set some higher goals.

Sometimes, you will be able to achieve your goals without any outside help. Start by talking to yourself as if you are your own best friend. Give yourself the advice that you would pass onto your best friend. Start to accept yourself as you are, and then make the changes that you want.

Hypnotherapy was my how. I knew hypnotherapy couldn’t change the past, but it can change the way you allow it to affect you. Content free hypnotherapy can help release the injustices, the hurt, the put downs, the grief and so much more. Allowing you to think more positively not only about yourself but for your future as well.

If you would like to know more about Hypnotherapy, contact me for a chat. If you’re not local to me, I am sure I could put you in contact with a hypnotherapist in your area. I’ve got to know many good therapists all over the country.

Until next time. Have a great week.

Best wishes

Jon x

Jon Adkin BAHyp Hypnotherapist

Based in Suffolk, covering Cambridge, Suffolk and Essex.

Author of ‘Can i Change?’ Available from amazon.

Find Jon on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube.

Confidence. A Christmas gift for you.

Hi

Welcome back. This week I want to share some tips that will help you gain some of that confidence that you may feel you need.

Habits That Make You Feel Positive and Confident

Make a decision. Don’t consult with a friend about what to order at  dinner or call your spouse when shopping for groceries. Make a decision based on what your gut is telling you. It will make you feel stronger and allows you to practice trusting your inner voice.

Try something new. Confidence doesn’t come from perfection, it comes from effort.

Gently exercise. Exercise is the most important non-medicine           treatment for anxiety, depression, and insomnia. Just moving your body will break up negative thoughts and boost serotonin. Move your body every day, just be mindful of your energy and never overdo it. A seven minute workout or yoga in your living room will all work.

Clean up your news feed. Social media that is full of triggers, images, and updates can push you into a bad mood. Start following inspirational or “happy” accounts. HealthyPlace on Facebook or my Guidance Girl page always inspires. The more positive images you view the better you will feel.

Think back. Think back over the past week and write down every nice thing others said to you. Review the complements or comments when you’re feeling insecure.

Make a happy playlist. Music can  physiologically changes your brain and body. It can make you breathe faster, increase your pulse, and make you smile. Songs with a quick tempo and uplifting lyrics have been shown to be more effective at bringing out happy emotions. One of my favourites is ‘Happy’ by Pharrell. What are a few on your playlist?

Say no. Don’t say yes when you want to say no. You’re letting yourself down if you do favours you don’t want to do. Next time someone asks for something that will make you feel funky, and you feel the urge to say “yes,” remind yourself they are asking, not ordering. You will respect yourself more later on.

Practice posture. Hunching over at your desk can make you less        confident and more insecure according to research from Ohio State   University. Pull your belly button in towards your spine and pull your shoulders back when sitting or standing.

Give yourself credit for small, daily accomplishments, even if you are not done. Did you work on cleaning up your closet but still have stacks of clothes to fold? Great, take a moment to focus on what you have done, don’t just wait until a project is finished.

Get grateful. Write a thank-you note, or call someone to say thanks for meeting with you for lunch last week. People who are mindful of the positives in their life, create more positive energy. Comment on a post you like, email a friend, or even write down what you are grateful for in the moment (try and think of 5 new ones each time).

Remember, small shifts can produce remarkable results. The intention of building more positive thoughts and experiences will undoubtedly increase your self-confidence and self-esteem. One of my favourite  affirmations that may help is:

 

“I am perfectly imperfect.

I strive for better while loving all that I am today.

In loving myself today, I am better equipped to

improve myself tomorrow.”

Change2

Can I do it?

Self-Efficacy “You Can Do It – You’ve Got What It Takes, or Can Get What It Takes!”

Self-efficacy is where we believe that it is possible for us to acquire the knowledge and skills that will enable us to achieve goals and success. It enables us to accept difficult challenges, and persist in the face of        setbacks and adversity. The opposite of self-efficacy is feelings like, you are not bright enough, or you are not educated enough, you didn’t go to the right school or university, or you are lacking anything, that you use as an excuse to justify your belief, that you can’t do it, you’ve not got what it takes, and you can’t get what it takes.

Self-Esteem “You Matter as Much as Anyone Else, You Deserve it, and You Can Cope with Anything!”

Self-esteem, is the belief that we matter, that we are important, in fact as important as anyone else, and that in general terms, we can cope with pretty much whatever life throws at us, and that we have a right to be happy and successful. Our self-esteem is helped, if others around us, approve of us and what we do; but it also helped, if we feel we are     behaving virtuously, and also that we are competent and skilled at what we do, and that we have the ability to accomplish things we want to, when we put our minds to it.

Positive Self-Image “You are Good Enough in All Respects Just as You Are!”

Dr Maxwell Maltz, wrote a book called Psycho-Cybernetics, which has helped millions of people. Dr Maltz was a plastic surgeon, who regularly positively impacted people’s physical appearance with his plastic        surgery. He observed the difference between people who had a positive perception of their physical changes, and how that positive perception could massively improve their success and happiness in life, and those who had a negative or unchanging perception of their appearance. In the case of the latter, nothing changed in their life. Our self-image, can have a massive impact on our self-confidence, and on the outcomes we achieve in our careers and lives.

14 Ways To Shed Negativity And Achieve Happiness

How many of us feel complete self-love and self-compassion? How many of us take care of our own needs and rely on the way we look at         ourselves instead of seeing who we are through the eyes of our partners or our tribe? How many of us live from our core beliefs instead of living through what everyone is expecting of us?

Learning self-love and overcoming the barriers you’ve built against   yourself are the greatest secrets to living happily. Self-love can bring you closer to inner truth and allow you to attract and create the happiness you deserve in your relationship, career, and life. Self-love will bring peace, love, fulfilment, satisfaction, significance, groundedness,         freedom, maturity, wisdom, and magic into your life.

Change

Here are 14 self-love steps that you can begin today to attract the love and happiness you want in your life:

 

  1. Get to know who you are.

Imagine yourself walking down the street with each one of your values. How do you feel? What do you notice? How are you expressing yourself? This will help you identify yourself through your own eyes instead of through the eyes of others.

  1. Be true to yourself. 

You can only speak your truth and express who you are when you are 100% honest with yourself first. Sometimes we discover things we don’t necessarily like about ourselves, but you can spend your life complaining about your weaknesses, or you can choose to shift your attention to your strengths.

  1. Take care of your needs.

We often do what others need so we can feel good about ourselves through the way they react to our action. This causes us to live our lives through the eyes of others and not from our core. Instead, take a look at what your needs are. What is the ONE thing you can do today that would make you feel more loved? For example, you can cook for      yourself, take a hot bubble bath, meditate, clean your room, or go wild listening to your favourite band.

  1. Learn to breathe.

We have a tendency to pressure ourselves into doing things quickly. Step back a little bit and watch yourself in action. What is the worst thing that could happen if you don’t get your tasks done immediately? Would you rather stay overwhelmed or would you rather enjoy your journey as you are completing your tasks?

  1. Be patient with yourself.

Have self-compassion. Your role models probably worked their butt off to get to where they are now, so be patient, take your journey step-by-step, and enjoy how life is unfolding for you. You miss out on so much in life when you beat yourself up. Patience is key to discovering the beauty of the mystery that every moment brings to you.

  1. Listen to your inner child.

The inner child is a very powerful voice that resides deep in our being. It is the voice of the needs that have not been met ever since we were kids. It talks to us about fear, hurt, and the safety that it is longing for and the love that it hungers for. So when you are in a challenging situation, step back for a moment and ask your inner child, “What is really hurting me right now? What do I really want?”

  1. Count your blessings.

We all have SO many blessings in our lives that we tend to take them for granted. Count every single thing you have in your life and be thankful for it. It could be as simple as being grateful for drinking water whenever you want. Practicing gratitude helps us find more meaning and appreciation in our everyday life.

  1. Accept your feelings.

Pain is part of life, and accepting what you feel right now is the first step towards your happiness. You may be angry and in so much pain, you might be regretting what you have done in the past. Allowing yourself to feel helps you identify the root cause of your disappointment and the moment you understand this feeling, you shift towards discovering what you want in life and how to get it.

  1. Do one act of kindness everyday.

Say something nice to a colleague or family member and show appreciation to people around you. This is a great way to start acknowledging the goodness in yourself and reflecting it in others.

  1. Build your support system.

You don’t have to hang out with people who don’t make you feel good about yourself. You have a choice, so find people who think like you, who are positive, who show support, who are grateful, and who reflect the quality that you want to have in your life.

  1. Work with your fears.

We all have fears that have been engraved within us ever since our childhood. Understanding your fears and allowing them to surface will help you work through them. When you repress and reject your fears because of unrealistic expectations of being perfect that society imposes on us, you will be granting more power and control to your fears.

  1. Recognize the love that is within you.

You are made of of love, you are love, and love rules Earth. No matter how much you try to beat yourself up or indirectly hurt others, know that in your heart you are seeking love in every moment you live. The only guarantee you have in life is that you can give love without expecting anything in return. Be the love that you want to experience in your life and in your relationship.

  1. Forgive and let go of the past.

Beating yourself up and blaming your unhappiness on the past will trigger more suffering in your life. You know you have a purpose in your life, so you have a choice: let the past haunt you and inflict more suffering in your life, or forgive yourself.

  1. Smile.

Smiling is healing for the heart, the mind and the body. Certain experiences can bring a smile to our face, and sometimes a smile can truly shift a negative emotion to a positive one. It is a simple way to heal yourself and bring a smile to other people’s faces.

You can stop and overcome the barriers that are preventing you from getting what you want. You are strong and you are love in your own   nature, so how are you going to use these strengths to create the happy life and loving relationship you want?

Next week I will share some Affirmations and some powerful quotes that have certainly helped me over the years.

Have a great week

Jon X

Want to read more or keep tips like this to hand. Buy my book ‘Can I change‘ From Amazon.

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