Love Yourself First

February Blog in Spoken Word

In This Month Of Love. Love you first.
Welcome to my February blog. So this month I would like to talk about self-love. Well, it is February and that means the month of love, but why is self-love important. Well, there is a quote that says
“Self-Love is not selfish; you cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself.”
And that is so true. As I’ve said many times “It all starts with you.”
How can you expect others to love you if you don’t love yourself. Think about it. Could you love you if you met yourself at a party? To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness. Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing.


So how can you love yourself? Well let me help you.
The first step in learning to love yourself is understanding the meaning of self-love. Think of it in the context of the love you have for your partner or a close friend: You are aware of their flaws but appreciate how those imperfections make up the person you care about, trust and support. Now turn all that compassion, forgiveness and understanding inward. “Self-love means accepting your strengths, your weaknesses and everything in between
It’s so easy to tell someone “Love yourself” and much more difficult to describe how to do it. Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good; it is an action. Self-love is a choice. It is a way of relating to yourself that involves being understanding for your mistakes, understanding in your losses, and being able to effectively communicate with yourself about life without harshly judging or punishing yourself.

It all Starts With You

Research has shown that learning how to self-love is associated with:

  • Less anxiety and depression
  • Better recovery from stress
  • An overall more optimistic outlook on life
  • Better adherence to healthy behaviour changes

In short, self-love is how you view yourself and how you treat yourself.

Why is Self-Love Important?

Learning how to self-love is important to living happier and healthier in every aspect of your life. It influences who you pick to be your mate for life, the image you project at work, how you accomplish your work, the way you raise your children, the way you interact with those around you and the way you cope with the problems in your life.

Why You Might Be Lacking Self-Love

Low self-esteem or lack of self-love is something that could be developed in childhood and carry through to adulthood. Or, it is something that could present itself solely in adulthood.

Some negative behaviours that can be attributed to a lack of self-love, according to the National Association for Self-Esteem:

  • Earlier sexual activity
  • Alcohol and drug abuse
  • Self-harm
  • Eating disorders

You might be lacking self-love for a variety of reasons or habits, as noted above. It can be because of the actions of those around you, because of a traumatic event in your life, because you lacked a good example of self-love, or simply because of a way of thinking that you innately practice. But, one important thing to remember is that low self-esteem due to a lack of self-love is not an accurate reflection of reality, rather a reflection of your perception on reality.

Tips to Learn How to Self-Love

While self-love is not necessarily innate, it can be taught. Here are some helpful tips on how to self-love today:

Recognise How You Are Feeling

You’ve probably heard the cliché saying that “the first step to overcoming a problem is admitting that you have one.” Well, one of the first steps to learning how to self-love is kind of similar – it is becoming aware of yourself. We all feel a variety of emotions throughout our life – sadness, anger, frustration, loneliness, happiness, and more. When something is off, it is important to take a moment to recognise how you are feeling at that moment and why.

Why are you sad? Why are you angry? Why are you happy? In self-love, you must be mindful so that you can begin to shift any negative state that is involved in those feelings.

Accept How You Are Feeling

While there is nothing wrong with feeling any of the emotions we mentioned or others, it is important that once you recognise your emotions you can accept them. Whether you want to feel it or not, the feeling is there. Take a moment to pause and sit with that feeling. Now, scan your body to see where you feel it.

Think About Your Feelings from an Outsider’s Perspective

How would you feel if you saw a loved one experiencing the feeling you are experiencing at that moment? Then, think about how you might encourage them to proceed. What is funny about life and our brains is that we treat ourselves entirely different than we treat others. While we might try to enforce a positive behaviour on our friend or family member experiencing a negative emotion, we would beat ourselves up for feeling this way. View this situation with a kind eye and be kind to yourself. Love yourself in that moment and all moments.

Forgive Yourself

This self-love tip really has two points to it: First, decide what it will take to forgive yourself for whatever the situation is. Second, make a conscious decision to forgive yourself. We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes, but it is important to give yourself a break. You can be your own worst enemy at times. When you believe you have made a mistake, decide what action you can take to make it right in your own eyes. Then, use self-talk to encourage yourself to take that step toward forgiveness.

Say No to Others

Sometimes practising self-love isn’t just about speaking kindly to ourselves when we are feeling certain emotions. It can also be about taking care of ourselves when others are around. Set boundaries. Make time for yourself. It is okay to tell people “no” if you think that you need to. Love yourself enough to make the right decision for you, not for anyone else. Self-love is a continuous action, a continuous process, a continuous choice. You should constantly be investing in yourself by working on doing things that promote self-love.

Accept Help

One way to continuously ensure you are focusing on how to self-love and putting tips like these into practice is to consider seeing a therapist regularly for support. Book an appointment and start your journey to learning how to self-love.

Self-love is vital to your overall well-being. Invest in your self – you matter.

You Are important

Until next month. Stay Healthy, Stay Happy and Start to LOVE YOURSELF that little bit more.

Jon X

Jon Adkin BAHyp Clinical Hypnotherapist and IEMT Practitioner.

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Are you grateful for ALL that you have?

Audio Version of this blog.

Since I started my hypnotherapy business, I’ve had multiple people point it out to me how much I’ve changed and that I’m much happier. Some have even thanked me for having a positive impact on them and asked exactly what I’m doing that’s clearly had such obvious changes in my happiness.
I realized internally that things were shifting but had no idea how obvious it was to people outside and it’s because of these people who have reached out (seriously I am so grateful that you did) that pushed me to start creating videos on TikTok and youtube and writing content on the exact things, the tools and inspiration that I implemented to help get me so much happier.
I will be honest that not everything is going to work for everyone. Why? Because some people just aren’t ready to make the change yet. But if you are then I can guarantee that these small tips will most certainly help change your life.

There are a few key things that I think everyone should be doing because of the massive impact it can have on your life and in this blog I am going to discuss what I think is the easiest and most important tool.

It may not work for all, unless you are ready.

GRATITUDE.

Before you click away thinking that it’s too easy, stay with me.
There are many “little” things that so many people turn away from because they think that it is just too easy. They think, “There’s no way gratitude is going to change my life.” Well, have you tried? How do you know for sure? For many years I thought this was all a bit woo woo, a bit tree huggy. So I know what you are thinking.
The truth that is you probably didn’t try and don’t know. So I’ll let you in on a little secret…gratitude will change your life. And yes, it is that simple.
Some things are really, ridiculously easy to do, the hard part is just making a habit of it. Or we like to tell ourselves that’s the hard part. The truth is that it’s not that hard either, we just tend to work it up in our minds.

Why gratitude?

Practicing gratitude daily helps your mind shift from a negative to a positive state. Being grateful will encourage you to feel happy with what you already have and contribute to helping you stop always wanting more. Sure, you may still want the newer version of the iPhone or a bigger house, nicer car or more clothes but being grateful will certainly help you feel these constant needing thoughts less and replace them with happiness for what you already own.
Think about people who are poor. How can they be so happy and you, someone who has so much be unhappy? They’re grateful for what they have even if it’s much less than what you have.

If you’re reading this you’re probably spoiled in some sense which means that you already have a lot to be grateful for. You just have to make the mind shift to see how great the things you have already are.

If you don’t believe me when I say that gratitude is actually really, ridiculously beneficial for you, then believe science.

Plug yourself into your own possibilities.

It has been proven that gratitude improves our mental health, makes people happier and less depressed. Its been proven that practicing gratitude affects the part of your brain (hypothalamus) which controls eating, drinking and sleeping and also influences your metabolism and stress. Can you imagine how awesome you would feel if you’re eating, drinking, sleeping and stress improved? You’d feel great.

Practicing gratitude also works a part of the brain that releases dopamine, a chemical that makes you “feel good” and tells the brain to keep doing that same thing. So every time you practice gratitude your brain will be saying “Oh yeah! Give me some more of that gratitude!” It’s impossible for you to feel both positive and negative at the same time. Practicing gratitude will force you to think positively and the more you do it the easier it will become.

What Gratitude is Not


It’s very important to realize that gratitude is not comparing. Do not look at others and think that you’re grateful because you have more. This kind of ruins the point. You want to be grateful for what you have not because of what others don’t have.

How does gratitude work?


How Does Gratitude Work?


First off, you have to truly appreciate what you have. To do this, try thinking about what it would feel like to not have it. Not so great is it.
Now you can truly appreciate your car, home, comfy bed, the food on your plate, the clothes on your back, your body, anything!

How to Put Gratitude into Practice. Make it a habit.
I know, I know, saying that you’re going to make it a habit is easier said than done, so why don’t you start with doing it right now. Or when you’re done reading this blog. You are the only one who can hold yourself accountable. Without you and your commitment, there is no change.
If you do it now, like right now, you can feel the effects of what gratitude does for your mind and mood and you’ve already completed your first day of making this a habit.

I personally started off with writing down three things a day that I’m grateful for. I have a 6 minute diary, I find it helps to do it at the same time every day so I’ve incorporated this into my daily routine. Attaching a new habit to an old habit also helps make the habit easier to adapt. For example, I drink coffee every morning so I write the three things I’m grateful for as I drink my coffee. I’m at the point now that I’m so practiced that now I realise I’m practicing gratitude throughout the day like when I’m taking a walk and the sun is shining or opening my laptop and realize that I’m so grateful this piece of technology allows me to do my work.
Your brain really does like it and will start doing more of it on its own. I also find that it’s helpful to say why you’re grateful for something. For example, I’m grateful for my peaceful night’s sleep, because that means I will have a busy and productive day. Or I’m grateful for my body even with all that’s wrong with it, because it carries me throughout the day every day.
Try to think not only of the things around you but also YOU, what’s on you, what you’re putting into your body, what you’re using, and your body itself (including your flaws). This is the key that will help you love yourself more: being grateful for your body despite your flaws.

At first, you may be grateful for the big things but over time I can guarantee you will start to notice the little things and that’s when you’ll realise how grateful for you are for your entire life, when you’ll really notice the change in your happiness, mental wellbeing and truly start to love yourself.

Just before I finish, during June I am offering a free 30 page e-book all about self love and the mistakes we make. For your free copy please email me at jadkin.bahyp@gmail.com Thank you

Remember IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU.

Until next time.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.

best wishes

Jon

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon. and 100 days in isolation. A collection of funny original images of one mans decent into comic madness during lockdown

Find me on You TubeFacebookInstagram. and now TikTok.

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