Are you happy?

If I asked if you were happy, what would you say? How would you answer? No one likes admitting they are not happy. People associate a lot of feelings and sensations with happiness. Excitement, thrill, joy, ecstasy, exhilaration, victory, inner peace, or satisfaction to name a few…

What words describe happiness for you?

What does it feel like in your body when you’re happy? Is it possible to be a happy person even when you don’t feel good? Maybe your back’s been bothering you, or you had an argument with someone? Do you have to have a sense of elation, excitement, or euphoria to be happy? Can you keep up these intense emotions non stop?

Can you separate the state of inner happiness from other sensations like sadness, frustration, or tiredness? I ask these questions, not to get right or wrong answers, but to get you thinking about what happiness means to you.

Happiness is a word we hear comonly, but unless we spend a little time contemplating what it means to us, we sort of bob along like a cork on the ocean. With awareness, though, we can make course corrections and have more control over our direction.

A happy person is someone who often experiences positive emotions, such as joy, interest, and pride. They experience negative emotions too, but less frequently. This isn’t to say happy people are free from negative or painful emotions. They still experience negative emotions, but they have a different relationship to them.

Are you happy? or do you fake it?

Think about these two key points:

Happier people spend more time in positive emotions and less time in negative emotions than unhappy people. Shift your balance toward happiness by managing your state. You’re in charge of your emotions. Your emotions aren’t in charge of you. As much as possible, spend time preparing how you’re going to react to what your day might bring you.

When negative emotions hit, how long are you going to let them stay?

Stuffing down negative emotions or refusing to accept their presence isn’t any more helpful than getting stuck in them, so how do you want to interact with them? Happier people don’t let their negative emotions define them. The human experience involves feeling a range of multiple emotions. But emotions come and go, and an emotional state isn’t the same as who we you are as a being.

You feel hurt, but you’re not a hurt person. You feel angry, but you’re not an angry person. You feel depressed, but you’re not a depressed person. At least not at your core. You may have adopted a label of a hurt, angry, or depressed person, but that’s not how you were created.

Those are labels you’ve been carrying around. You may have attached the labels so early, that you’re certain it’s “who you are”, but consider the possibility that you’re none of those things. This piece talks about peeling off those old labels: What You’re Telling Yourself About Your Life is Wrong. Peel off the Label and See it Differently

It’s ok to experience more than one state at a time. Don’t you feel both scared and excited before you get on a roller coaster? Can’t you feel both elated and exhausted after a major accomplishment? Happy people know, even if they’re feeling some sadness or anger or other emotion at the moment, they’re still an underlying happy person.

I can finally say I am a happy person. I’m a happy person because that’s who I am at the core of my being. Some days are more fun than others. Some days my body doesn’t feel its best. But those are ripples on the surface. At the deepest part lies happiness. I’m not depending on have feelings of euphoria. Happiness for me is peaceful sense of satisfaction and gratitude. Happiness is a skill. There’s a formula for it. That formula comes more easily to some than to others, but there’s no doubt that you can master the skills for happiness too.

Have You Trained Yourself to be Unhappy?
Your habits are determining if you have a happy and satisfying life or not. The great news is you choose and form your own outcome.

You make your own future.

Here are some rules of happiness.

Rule 1 – Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself!
Self-pity is the very worst kind of emotion. It destroys
everything around itself, and leaves you feeling powerless.
Stop being the victim, stop feeling sorry for yourself – and be
happy.
Rule 2 – Be Grateful
The world is so fast-paced that we’re rarely grateful of its gifts.
Think of all the things you’re grateful for right now: family,
health, home, everything. Spend time being grateful each day
– and be happy.
Rule 3 – Say Yes More
We each say “No!” way too often. Try saying “Yes!” more to
all of life’s experiences. Don’t fight the river’s current. Say
“Yes!” more to emotions, situations, social invitations – and be
happy.

Rule 4 – Follow Your Bliss
In life, we often find ourselves half-way up a ladder we don’t
want to climb, rather than at the bottom of one we do. What
do you really want to be? Follow your own bliss – and be
happy.
Rule 5 – Learn to Let Go
Emotions often hold us back from true happiness and
freedom. Remember, you are not your emotions. Let go of
unwanted emotions by asking yourself “Can I let this go?” Do
it – and be happy.
Rule 6 – Do Random Acts of Kindness
Being kind is double-edged. It makes you feel happier, and
spreads that joy to someone else too. Do more Random Acts
of Kindness every day – smile, hold open a door, pay for a
coffee – and be happy.
Rule 7 – Happiness Is Only Ever Now
Most of us spend our time anywhere but in the present. We
obsess about the past, or plan for the future. Now is the only
time that really exists. Make the decision to be happy – now.
Rule 8 – Experience, Don’t Hoard!
Research shows that material purchases only boost your
happiness levels temporarily. Experiences bring more overall
joy. Enjoy safari holidays, learn a language, join a dancing
group – and be happy.

Rule 9 – Appreciate Both Sides of the Coin
How many times do we try to embrace happiness – and reject
sadness? They’re both sides of the same coin. You cannot have
one without the other. Sadness is critical. Don’t fight it – and
be happy.
Rule 10 – Be More Social
Extensive research shows that the happiest and most
successful people are those with large social networks. How
many friends do you have? Be proactive, start making more –
and become happier.
Rule 11 – Love More!
The more you love, the happier you are. Try giving everyone
and everything around you a little more love. Friends, family,
nature, even enemies: open your heart, give them love – and
be happy.
Rule 12 – Have a Dream
Dreams are the spark plugs of the spirit. They give each day
excitement and enable you to move forward. What are your
dreams? Think about it, write them down. Then do them –
and be happy.
Rule 13 – Intention Sets Direction
The outcome you expect is usually the one you receive. If you
don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.
So, set a great intention in everything you do – and be happy.

Rule 14 – Enjoy Simple Pleasures
Real happiness can be found in simple pleasures and rituals.
From a daily walk in nearby countryside to a glass of wine
after work. Indulge in these, setup your own little rituals – and
be happy.
Rule 15 – Accept What Is
Many of us spend time resisting what is. We fight against our
own emotions, building up anger and resentment. Accept
what is right now. Change it if you can. But accept it first – and
be happy.
Rule 16 – Exercise and Eat Well
You are as happy as your lifestyle! For optimum happiness,
try walking for 40 minutes a day. Take Omega 3 supplements,
and eat more fish, nuts, turkey, cottage cheese. Enjoy – and be
happy.
Rule 17 – Zoom Out and Don’t Sweat
We often get a fresh perspective on life after we lose a family
member, or survive an illness. Don’t wait for life to remind
you. Zoom out and remember your real priorities now – and
be happy.
Rule 18 – Laugh, Dance, Smile!
Take time to laugh at the craziness of life! Splash out and enjoy
to the max. Surround yourself with happiness – wonderful
music, dance classes, evenings with friends. Smile – and be
happy!

That’s 18 rules of happiness. I want you to send me two more so that you have 20 rules. What works for you? I would love to hear.

Until next week.

Stay happy and smile more.

Take care and stay safe.

Jon X

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon. and 100 days in isolation. A collection of funny original images of one mans decent into comic madness during lockdown

Find me on You TubeFacebook and Instagram.

Do you send off good signals?

Hi.

Welcome to this weeks blog. This week I want to ask if you think you send off good signals. You see the way we think and the way we act really does affect others. How many times have you been in a bad mood and very quickly the people around you bring their moods down to match yours. It’s a bit like that rotten fruit in fruit bowl. It slowly starts to go mouldy and suddenly the other fruits that it has contact with start going mouldy too. It’s so easily done.

However, if you flip that mood and instead of being grumpy, or angry, you walk in smiling and joyous. you watch how quick others start to smile back. Our moods are infectious.

Most people recognize that they can learn a lot about a person by paying close attention to the person’s emotional reactions. Facial expressions, gestures, voice tone, rate of speech—all of these cues help us figure out how a person is feeling. Is he or she angry? Sad? Nervous? Afraid?

Yet, while we’re busy focusing on the emotional states of others, we usually don’t pay much attention to something equally, if not more important—our own emotional reactions to these social encounters.

Is this you?

The Impact of Negative Emotions


Think about how your own mood can be impacted by a salesperson who smiles, is helpful and kind versus one who is rude and unhelpful. In one case, the sales assistants happiness creates a positive connection between you, while the other experience may leave you feeling frustrated or even angry. In both cases, a complete stranger’s attitudes influenced your own and you may in turn, pass that attitude along to others – either through your good mood or your irritation.


In the case of negative emotions, you can actually have a greater impact than positive ones. When comparing the effects of a positive relationship to a negative one, the energising connection (or negative) has an impact that is four to seven times greater than a positive or energizing relationship. One place where this is easily seen is in the workplace.

Research has shown that a ‘toxic’ co-worker – someone who is always negative, gossips about others or has a poor attitude – can actually be damaging to a workplace, The negativity may lead to an environment where there is less information sharing, more conflict among team members, less trust and a lower performance by all members overall.


Dealing with a negative co-worker can leave others feeling emotionally tired, unhappy and dissatisfied, which is why it’s important to address the negativity rather than try to ignore it. The same is true when dealing with a negative friend or family member. In both cases, it may not be possible to stop all interactions, but it’s important to have a strategy for when you do need to interact. It starts by creating physical and emotional distance from the individuals. Consider the ways you can minimize interactions with the person and set boundaries.


Managers may consider reassigning projects to limit the interactions the individual has with the overall team. Co-workers can consider not engaging the individual beyond the minimum necessary. And if it is a friend or family member, limit conversations to those topics you known won’t trigger the negativity.

It can be challenging, but don’t let yourself get sucked into the negativity by joining in with it, such as complaining, gossiping or even by dwelling on the person’s behavior. It will only bring you down. Remember that the other person’s behavior has very little to do with you – they are dealing with their own issues.

If you see someone without a smile. Give them yours.

Tips for Staying Positive


While it may seem like we’re at the mercy of others’ attitudes, we do have some control – we can choose how we respond. Here are some tips to help you.


Share Your Feelings


When something gets under our skin, we can spend a lot of mental energy thinking about it. Instead, I suggest you find someone you trust and share your thoughts and feelings. It can take the sting out of the hurt and help you get moving in a positive direction again.


Talk to Yourself


Think about what words you can tell yourself to help gain some perspective on the situation or that can help calm you down when a “hot button” issue gets brought up. A simple phrase to remind yourself like “let it go” or “Calm & Relaxed” can help refocus your thoughts.


Surround Yourself with Positivity


Your time is a valuable and limited resource. Just like any investment, choose wisely how you are going to spend it. Limit the time you spend with negative people and situations and instead, focus on the positive. It may mean you limit the amount of time you spend with someone, which can be particularly difficult when it is a loved one. But negative emotions – like positive ones – can impact your overall health and sense of well-being. While it may feel selfish on some level, you are taking the steps you need to care for your own health.


Get Some Sleep


poor sleep and a couple’s ability to resolve conflict in their relationship. Essentially, couples who experienced poor sleep experienced more conflict in their relationships,were less empathetic toward the other person when trying to resolve the issue and less likely to achieve resolution. When you’re tired, you don’t have the mental energy needed to redirect negative emotions and can more easily be overwhelmed by them. So get the sleep you need so you have the energy to deal with any issues.


Nurture the Positive


There are many ways to help nurture the positive –keep a diary, get out in nature, find the awe in every day and practice happiness.


We have greater control over our emotions than we often realise, And taking care of our emotions is really about taking care of our overall health.

Until Next week.

Take care and stay safe.

Jon X

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon. and 100 days in isolation. A collection of funny original images of one mans decent into comic madness during lockdown

Find me on You TubeFacebook and Instagram.

How did you handle the lockdown?

Hi, Welcome to this weeks blog.

This week I want to look at how we handled the lock down differently and what was best for you. When this all started. a lot of people went crazy, stockpiling toilet rolls, soap (what were you using before this happened?) and pasta. It all got a little mad and very selfish. Then as the weeks went on many realised that there was no need to stockpile and a sense of normality started to return, but not for all.

Stupidity was still infecting people. families who didn’t think the rules applied to them, and because of their actions this lock down has most probably continued longer than it needed to, had we all obeyed the rules.

So how did you handle it? What have you been doing as a family or alone that has got you through this period? Is there anything that you will continue to do once the restrictions have been lifted?

What did I do? Well I work in a very serious business dealing each day with many different issues, but I made a decision to get through this with humour. I took off my professional head each day just for an hour or two and I posted funny pictures, jokes and videos. I wanted to make people smile. I didn’t want to remind them that things were tough, or that they were feeling anxious. I wanted to make them happy and just for a moment forget about what was happening outside.

A Smile lights up your face.

So why did I take this approach?

Many see smiling simply as an involuntary response to things that bring you joy or laughter. While this observation is certainly true, what most people overlook is that smiling can be just as much a voluntary response as a conscious and powerful choice.

Countless scientific studies have confirmed that a genuine smile is generally considered attractive to others around us. Other studies have shed light on how the act of smiling can elevate your mood and the mood of those around you. Still. others have found a strong link between good health, longevity, and smiling. Most importantly, studies have shown​ that just the act of smiling (making the physical facial shapes and movements), whether the result of real joy or an act, can have both short- and long-term benefits on people’s health and wellbeing.

Still not convinced? Here are the top 10 reasons you should make a conscious effort to smile every day.

Smiling Makes Us Attractive

We are naturally drawn to people who smile. There is a real physical attraction factor linked to the act of smiling.

Not surprisingly, more severe or negative facial expressions like frowns, scowls, and grimaces actually work in the opposite manner, effectively pushing people away. Instead, use the attraction power of your smile to draw people in.2

Smiling Relieves Stress

Stress can permeate our entire being, and can really show up in our faces. Smiling not only helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed but can actually help reduce stress

Believe it or not, smiling can reduce stress even if you don’t feel like smiling or even know that you’re smiling! When you are stressed, take the time to put on a smile. You and those around you will reap the benefits.

You feel better when you smile.

Smiling Elevates Our Mood

Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There’s a good chance your mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you elevate your mood because the physical act of smiling actually activates neural messaging in your brain.

A simple smile can trigger the release of neural communication boosting neuropeptides as well as mood-boosting neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin. Think of smiling like a natural anti-depressant.

Smiling Is Contagious

How many smiles have been described as having the power to lighten up the room? While it is certainly a beautiful sentiment, it carries a hint of truth. Smiling not only has the power to elevate your mood, but it can also change the moods of others and make things happier.

The part of your brain that is responsible for your controlling the facial expression of smiling is an unconscious automatic response area. Meaning that smiling can be completely unconscious, particularly when it comes to our habit of mimicking another person’s smile. Yes, it is scientifically proven that smiles are “contagious!”

Smiling Boosts Your Immune System

Smiling can also boost your overall health. The act of smiling actually helps the human immune system to function more effectively. It is thought that when you smile, immune function improves because you are more relaxed (thanks to the release of certain neurotransmitters).

In addition to taking precautions like washing your hands, why not try to prevent the cold and flu by smiling?

A Smile can relieve stress.

Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure

When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home.

Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?

Smiling Makes Us Feel Good

Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural painkillers, and serotonin. Together these three neurotransmitters make us feel good from head to toe.

Not only do these natural chemicals elevate your mood, but they also relax your body and reduce physical pain. Smiling is a natural drug.

Smiling Makes You Look Younger

Not only can smiling make you more attractive it can also make you look more youthful. The muscles we use to smile also lift the face, making a person appear younger.

So instead of opting for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day—you’ll look younger and feel better.

Say cheese

Smiling Makes You Seem Successful

Studies have shown that people who smile regularly appear more confident, are more likely to be promoted, and are more likely to be approached.

Try putting on a smile at meetings and business appointments. You might find that people react to you differently.

Smiling Helps You Stay Positive

Try this test: Smile. Now try to think of something negative without losing the smile. It’s hard, isn’t it?

Even when a smile feels unnatural or forced, it still sends the brain and ultimately the rest of our body the message that “Life is Good!” Stay away from depression, stress, and worry by smiling

Fake It Till You Make It


In other words, smiling can trick your brain into believing you’re happy which can then spur actual feelings of happiness. But it doesn’t end there. It has been shown “over and over again” that depression weakens your immune system, while happiness on the other hand has been shown to boost our body’s resistance.

What’s crazy is that just the physical act of smiling can make a difference in building your immunity. “When you smile, the brain sees the muscle [activity] and assumes that humor is happening.”

In a sense, the brain is a sucker for a grin. It doesn’t bother to sort out whether you’re smiling because you’re genuinely joyous, or because you’re just pretending.

Even forcing a fake smile can legitimately reduce stress and lower your heart rate, and there are plenty more studies out there to make you smile (or at least, serve as reference for why you should). Researchers at the University of Kansas published findings that smiling helps reduce the body’s response to stress and lower heart rate in tense situations; another study linked smiling to lower blood pressure, while yet another suggests that smiling leads to longevity

So that’s why I did what I did and am still doing. for the fuddy duddys that were saying I wasn’t being very professional. You are entitled to your opinion, but in my view I was helping people in the best way that I knew how.

If I have made you smile with one of my posts on Facebook or lifted your spirits even if only for a moment. Let me know.

Normal service will resume soon. In the meantime. keep smiling, stay safe and look after yourselces.

Until next week.

Best wishes

Jon X

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge.

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon.

Find me on You TubeFacebook and Instagram.

Unplug that negative energy

Hi Welcome to this weeks blog. This week I want to talk about energy. Specifically negativity energy and kinetic energy.

Kinetic energy for those of you that are not sure is the energy of motion, observable as the movement of an object, particle, or set of particles. Any object in motion is using kinetic energy: a person walking, a thrown baseball, a crumb falling from a table, and a charged particle in an electric field are all examples of kinetic energy at work.

Kinetic energy can be defined as the energy which is present in every moving object. We can simply say that kinetic energy is the energy because of motion. Kinetic energy can be further classified into various types based on the type of motion of the objects. For example, rotational kinetic energy is the energy possessed by a body which is moving in circles, e.g. planets revolving around the sun have rotational kinetic energy; vibrational kinetic energy is the energy possessed by an object due to vibration, e.g. vibrating phone has a vibrational kinetic energy; translational kinetic energy is the energy possessed by an object moving from one point to another. Translational kinetic energy can be easily observed in our everyday life.

When walking or running, we possess some amount of kinetic energy. This is why we feel comparatively warm while running or after walking some distance. Sweat is the result of the heat produced by our body due to running. While walking or running, there is a conversion of chemical energy into kinetic energy.

So basically we are energy but what about the negative energy. Well we don’t want it, we don’t need it, so get rid of it.

As a hypnotherapist I see many people who say only bad things happen to me, or I’m surrounded by miserable, negative people. Do you know why that is? It is because you are sending out negative vibes. You are choosing to ignore all the good things going on around you and just focusing on all the bad things. 

If that is how you feel, you will continue to attract people feeling the same way as you, because negativity attracts negativity. You cannot hang out with negative people and expect to live a positive life. Walk away from anything that gives you a bad vibe. There is no need to explain or make sense of it. It’s your life. Do what makes you happy.

Turn your day from a negative to a positive. Even how you respond is a great way to start.

Here 11 everyday phrases can easily be replaced, giving your vocabulary an instant positivity boost.

Every Day Positive Language

1. Why not? → Sounds good

2. No problem → Definitely!

3. Can’t complain → Everything’s going well, thanks

These phrases are meant to be positive – but the human brain has a negative bias, and subconsciously brings up all of the reasons not to do something, problems, or complains when processing these words.

4. I’m exhausted → I need to rest

Flipping the phrase to include a solution leaves both the speaker and the listener with a better taste in their mouths.

Positive Language at Work

5. I forgot → I’ll make sure to set a reminder

Again, focusing on what can be done will help the people around you expect a positive result.

6. Unfortunately, it will be impossible to finish the project on time because of the problems some people are causing with submitting their work late. → Can everyone turn in their portion of the project by Thursday so that we can complete the work on time and hit the deadline?

Email culture provides the perfect opportunity to work on positive language, as you can edit your words before sending them out to colleagues and clients. Look out for negative words like “unfortunately,” “impossible” and “problems” as flags for sentences to revise.

7. Constructive criticism → Feedback

The words you use to frame your feedback can have a significant impact on how it is received. To add to the positive vibe, healthy portions of compliments for achievements will help your colleagues take your comments on board.

Positive Language at Home

8. Don’t throw the ball inside! → Please take the ball outside.  Or

9. Don’t … → I like it when..

Telling children (and adults, too!) what you want them to do rather than what you don’t want them to do puts the focus on the desired action and ups your chances of a positive outcome.

10. I missed you so much! → It’s so great to see you!

While absence certainly does make the heart grow fonder, reunions can be a time to rejoice in the present rather than relating negative emotions from the past.

11. No! → I know you like ice cream, but eating too much isn’t healthy.

Unless you’re dealing with a serious safety issue, for example near a road or a swimming pool, explaining the reason behind your “no” helps children feel respected and included. As a guide, think about how you’d like your boss to speak to you.

Do you see what I’m saying, replace the negative words with a more positive approach.

If you come out of your bedroom and fall down the stairs. Don’t say “Oh that’s a greatstart to the day.”

No, you say ”Boy, I’ve never got down the stairs that quick before.” And smile that you were not hurt.

As a hypnotherapist I can help you release that negativity out of your system, We hold on to so much that no longer serves us.  Let’s do that mental detox. When you are ready contact me for a chat.

In the mean time. Stay positive and smile more.

Until next week, have a good one

Jon x

Jon Adkn BAHyp Hypnotherapist.

Hypnotherapist based in Suffolk, serving Suffolk, Cambridge and Essex.

Author of ‘Can I Change?’ A self help guide for anxiety.