How is your self Esteem?

Hi How are we all doing? I promised at the tail end of last year that I’m going to start using this blog and my Facebook page  to help with certain conditions or emotions etc. Well today I’m going to start doing that.

I want to start with self esteem. I’m starting with this one as it’s very close to me heart. Way back when I lost a lot of self esteem due to illness, and it was due to self hypnosis that I regained my self esteem and my own self belief.  That is why I am now a full time hypnotherapist and that is also why I want to share some tips that helped me.

So what is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. It’s based on our opinions and beliefs about ourselves, which can sometimes feel really difficult to change.

Your self-esteem can affect whether you:

  • like and value yourself as a person. Do you?
  • are able to make decisions and assert yourself. Can you?
  • recognise your strengths and positives. Do you think positive about yourself?
  • feel able to try new or difficult things. Are you scared to?
  • show kindness towards yourself. Do you do this?
  • move past mistakes without blaming yourself unfairly. It’s not easy.
  • take the time you need for yourself. Sp many of us don’t do this.
  • believe you matter and are good enough. Of course you are good enough.
  • believe you deserve happiness. Everyone deserves to be happy.

For me, building self-esteem was about learning what self-esteem was in the first place. It was unlearning what I had learned about myself … I went back to self-school and learned all about me.

What can cause low self-esteem?

The things that affect our self-esteem differs for everyone. Your self-esteem might change suddenly, or you might have had low self-esteem for a while – which might make it hard to recognise how you feel and make changes.

Difficult or stressful life experiences can often be a factor, such as:

  • being bullied or abused
  • experiencing prejudice, discrimination or stigma
  • losing your job or difficulty finding employment
  • problems at work or while studying
  • ongoing stress
  • physical health problems. This was my change point.
  • mental health problems
  • relationship problems, separation or divorce
  • worries about your appearance and body image
  • problems with money or housing.

You might have had some of these experiences, and you might also have had difficulties that aren’t listed here. Or there might not be one particular cause.

My self esteem has almost disappeared…. I don’t know how to interact with people anymore and find it hard to enjoy the things that I like

Whatever has affected your self-esteem, it’s important to remember that you have the right to feel good about who you are. It might feel as if changing things will be difficult, but there are lots of things you can try to improve things bit by bit.

So how can I improve my self-esteem?

This blog has some tips and suggestions for improving your self-esteem.

Some people may find these ideas useful, but remember that different things work for different people at different times. Only try what you feel comfortable with, and try not to put too much pressure on yourself. If something isn’t working for you (or doesn’t feel possible just now), you can try something else, or come back to it another time.

Some peoples just presume [their dislike of themselves] was a part of who they are … It is only when you realise that your self-esteem doesn’t have to be negative so start challenging your own ideas about yourself.

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Be kind to yourself

  • Get to know yourself. Try to learn more about yourself – for example what makes you happy and what you value in life. Some people say they find it helpful to write in a journal.
  • Let yourself have feelings. It’s important to remember that you’re a human being who can experience a wide range of emotions.
  • Consider what self-esteem means to you. You might realise you’re basing your sense of self-worth on things that aren’t useful or helpful for you.

Realising that I can change my ideas about what I base my self-esteem on has helped. I can’t do what I used to, but I can be the kind of person I want to be and now that seems more important to me

  • Try to challenge unkind thoughts about yourself. You might automatically put yourself down. If you find yourself doing this, it can help to ask: “Would I talk to, or think about, a friend in this way?”
  • Avoid comparing yourself to others. Try to remember that what other people choose to share about their lives isn’t the full picture and comparing ourselves isn’t realistic.
  • Say positive things to yourself. It might feel really strange at first, but you’ll feel more comfortable the more you do it.

I’ve come to realise that people get to choose what they present about themselves online … In reality, no one’s life is perfect and everyone has insecurities, and it’s important to remember this in order to not feel bad about yourself every time you see somebody post the ‘perfect’ selfie

Look after yourself

  • Try to get enough sleep. Getting too little or too much sleep can have a big impact on how you feel.
  • Think about your diet. Eating regularly and keeping your blood sugar stable can make a difference to your mood and energy levels.
  • Try to do some physical activity. Exercise can be really helpful for your mental wellbeing and some people find it helps improve their self-esteem.
  • Spend time outside. Spending time in green space can help your wellbeing.

Taking a few minutes for myself each day can really help me feel better.

Try to notice the good things

  • Celebrate your successes. No matter how small they may seem, take time to praise yourself and notice what you did well. It could also help to remember past successes.
  • Accept compliments. You could make a note of them to look over when you’re feeling low or doubting yourself.
  • Ask people what they like about you. It’s likely that they see you differently to how you see yourself.

That’s made a start and I will continue with self esteem in my next blog. but as it is valentines day this week. the best piece of advice I want to give you is

Love yourself first.

Till next time

Best wishes.

NameXX

Our thoughts can ruin us, and friendships.

Ok so this week I upset a very good friend. They thought I was insinuating something where as actually I was concerned. However their thoughts and now mine have escalated the tension. It got me thinking about points of view and how you look can look at things and overthink them and then make 2 + 2 = 6.

point of view-2

Perspective is the way individuals see the world. It comes from their personal point of view and is shaped by life experiences, values, their current state of mind, the assumptions they bring into a situation, and a whole lot of other things. Reality can be different things. It can be difficult to step outside of your world and see things from someone else’s point of view, but it is beneficial! By looking at things from a different perspective, you can gain new insight into problems and improve your social interactions. Collect different types of experiences, such as by travelling, reading, and talking with people. Then, work on building empathy for other people. With persistence, seeing things from different points of view will become much easier for you!

Listen to other people carefully. Immersing yourself in someone else’s story or experiences while talking one-on-one is another great way to experience a different point of view. When you talk with other people, listen closely. Make sure to listen even if you don’t share their perspective and disagree with what they have to say.

  • Make eye contact and face the person while they are talking. (Not easy if texting I know)
  • Ask them questions if anything they say is unclear to you.
  • Let them know you are listening by rephrasing or echoing what they say now and then.

Respect people’s differences. Recognising that not everyone shares your beliefs and values may help you to see things differently. Whenever you interact with someone else, take a moment to remind yourself that they may not share your worldview, and that is okay. This may make it easier for you to gain new perspective from your interactions with them.

  • For example, you might have a coworker who performs a specific task different than you do. Their approach might be very different, but still effective.
  • Or, you might have a classmate whose family observes a different religion than your family, so their holiday celebrations might be nothing like your family’s celebrations.

 

Read or watch videos about other people’s experiences. Exposing yourself to other people’s personal experiences through books, articles, blogs, and videos may help you to gain insight into what it is like to be another person. Try reading or watching videos about people who are different from you to expose yourself to a totally new perspective.

  • For example, you can read biographies, watch documentaries, or read/watch interviews with people who are from different countries, ethnic backgrounds, religions, or political parties.

point of view-1

Learn the difference between empathy and sympathy. Although these words sound similar and their meanings are often confused, they are quite different. Sympathy means that you feel sorry for someone or pity them. Empathy means that you have put yourself into the other person’s situation and considered how they must feel.

  • For example, you might feel sympathy for a homeless person on the street because their situation seems unpleasant. However, if you feel empathy for this person, you would have imagined what it is like to sleep on the hard concrete, wear the same clothes each day, beg people for money to buy food, and worry about your safety day after day.

Think about how you would feel in another person’s situation. If you meet or hear about someone who has experienced a hardship, imagine how you would feel in that person’s situation as a way to build empathy for them and gain a new perspective. How might you feel if you had gone through a similar experience? Why might you feel that way? What might you do to cope with the experience?

Aim to treat others how you would like to be treated. Thinking about how you would want someone to talk to you or help you if you were in their situation may also help you to develop empathy and understand other people’s perspectives better. Imagine what someone could say or do to help you feel better if you were in that situation, then act accordingly.

  • This may be as simple as acknowledging someone’s pain and offering to help in any way you can. For example, if someone has just experienced the death of their family pet, then they might appreciate it if you said, “I’m so sorry for your loss. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Imagine that someone said or did something mean-spirited to you. Considering the worst-case scenario may also help you to see someone else’s perspective. Think about what someone could say or do to really hurt you. Then, use this experience to help you understand the hurt feelings that someone else has experienced. This will help you to build empathy and expand your perspective.

  • For example, if someone called you an insulting name, how might you feel? What would your reaction be? Use these feelings to help you understand how someone who is different from you might feel and react if they were treated poorly.

So the bottom line I started it and then because of our state of minds we verbally assaulted each other and both said some hurtful things.

I apologised but the damage is done. I’m not washing my dirty linen in public. I’m telling you this because of two very different points of view I have possibly lost a good friend.

learn from my mistake. Think before you say or in this case text something, and if you still feel that you are in the right, stop and look at it from the other persons point of view. Could your intention be misconstrued.

Have a great week

NameXX