What can it do for you?

Hi.

If you are a regular reader of my blog (and there are some of you) you know that I am a hypnotherapist. and an EFT/TFT Tapping practitioner  So last night I got talking to someone and the question arose “Well what could you do for me?” and the answer is lots actually.

You don’t have to be overweight, or a smoker or an anxiety sufferer to want to visit a hypnotherapist. We can can help you with so many aspects of your life and modern living. It’s not all about fears and Phobias.

Let me give you some examples, (and just so you know names, dates and possibly genders are changed in these case studies. to protect clients).

Case Study 1:

Client was feeling totally worthless and life had no purpose.

2 sessions with the client showed them that they were not worthless and that their life definitely had a purpose. We worked together on building their self worth, made them feel that they can handle what life throws at them, seeing new challenges as a way of growth. followed by reinventing their outlook on life. Replacing those damaging negative thoughts with more positive constructive thoughts.

Outcome:

This was 7 months ago. I met the client in town just last week.  I saw him before he saw me. He was smiling, his body language shouted confidence and he looked happy. When he saw me he came straight over with his NEW partner. (There wasn’t one at the time of the sessions) and he introduced her to me. He can’t believe the change in himself and he is now full of optimism for his future.

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Case Study 2:

Client was struggling with anger issues.

3 sessions booked in. Did some emotional release as to the root of the anger. then worked with the client showing them that they can release that anger before a hand is raised. then did some future pacing using visualisation. showing the client what life will be like once their anger is under control, their control.

Outcome:

Life has become so much more peaceful at home. and their partner is not living on their nerves anymore if they go out for a drink. The client is so much calmer and does not get angry over things that use to make them snap.

Case study 3:

Relationship breakdown.

My client came to me because of a relationship breakdown and didn’t feel that they could move on. we booked in 3 sessions and in those 3 sessions we used a method that I have in my toolbox called The Blueprint. It’s a fantastic content free protocol that will help shift negativity, unwanted thoughts, past trauma etc then once we have cleared those thoughts, those patterns of behaviour we start on rebuilding the confidence and self belief which is always in you. It just gets covered over and we tend to forget that we are in control of our thoughts and beliefs.

Outcome.

6 months later. a very happy independent person who now knows they don’t have to rely on others and can very much be their own person. They are dipping their toe back into the dating scene but with a new found confidence.

Here is a link to my testimonial page. I love to receive feedback and to see how my clients are doing.

So you see. It’s not just about fear of flying or fear of heights etc etc . It’s all about you and making you the best that you possibly can be.

I love this work and the satisfaction that it brings. Seeing the long term change in my clients makes me feel so pleased and proud that I could help them.

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So why did I get into it, I hear you ask. (Go on someone ask please)… I will tell you. Because it saved me. In my 30s (I’m 57 now) I had some major illnesses. 2 heart attacks 2 mini strokes and various medical procedures. I lost my confidence my self belief and my mojo. So I had a decision to make I could have curled up on the sofa and watched Kilroy (the then equivalent of the Jeremy Kyle show) or I could pull myself together.

I did the latter. I started with self hypnosis books. Thanks Paul Mckenna. then as time went on not only did I regain all my confidence back I exceeded where I wanted to be. So a few years back I decided to train to become a hypnotherapist. Not intending to do it as a career I just wanted to know why it made a world of difference for me.

So I trained and the more I did the more I loved it. Not only could I do it I was bloody good at it (yep, blowing my own trumpet here) So I qualified and I started doing it in the evenings alongside my proper job. However the more I did, the more I loved it and the buzz from helping people was amazing so I took a leap of faith nearly 2 years ago and went full time.

I have not looked back. (Well I have but I fell over so I won’t be doing that again)

I believed in me and I got that from hypnotherapy and that’s why when you come and see me you can see the passion and the enthusiasm that I have, and having been there I know I can get you back on track.

So that’s my little story for this week. Next week I will blogging about ???? who know’s I just sit down and see what comes. however what I do know is that it will be of benefit to you the reader in some way. as that’s what I like doing. I like helping people.

Until next time

Have a great week

Jon X

Ps. I’ve also written a few books(Search Jon Adkin on Amazon) and painted a few pictures

You’ve been framed!

Hi welcome back.

This week I want to talk about reframing. No I’m not going to talk about my art (I will if you want to) or my photography. No, reframing is a technique used in therapy to help create a different way of looking at a situation, person, or relationship by changing its meaning. The essential idea behind reframing is that a person’s point-of-view depends on the frame it is viewed in. When the frame is shifted, the meaning changes and thinking and behavior often change along with it.

Another way to understand the concept of reframing is to imagine looking through the frame of a camera lens. The picture seen through the lens can be changed to a view that is closer or further away. By slightly changing what is seen in the camera, the picture is both viewed and experienced differently.

What is an example of reframing? Here’s an example of positive reframing that I really love. A woman was new to a large company and was trying very hard to make a good impression on her coworkers. One day, responding to a widely sent email, she accidentally attached a personal document about her financial difficulties instead of the intended form. Realising the mistake, she quickly sent out a new email with the message “…Well at least it wasn’t a love letter ;)” Her coworkers got a kick out of her response, and an event that could have caused her to look unprofessional actually improved her coworkers’ opinions of her. Positive reframing does not change the situation, but it can certainly reduce damage and put things into a healthier perspective.

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I reframed something that helps me everyday. Due to my illnesses I have a stack of tablets to take each morning, Now when I first started taking the tablets it was a constant reminder as to how ill I really was. Then I had a eureka moment. Now each morning I take my tablets as I always do but now just as I’m about to take them I say to myself or sometimes out loud. “Today is going to be a good day.” By reframing I am reminding myself that I’m alive and well (As long as I continue to take the tablets).

reframing can be used in therapy or just in everyday life. Do you have a teenager at home? You know the ones who think they know everything.

Teenagers often think their outlook is the only way to see a problem. If a friend didn’t call back they must be mad. Or, if a teen fails a test it must mean their stupid.

Ask questions like, “Is there another way to look at this situation?” or, “What are three other possible reasons this could have happened?” Help your teen see that there are likely dozens of potential reasons a problem exists.

For example, the friend might not be returning her text messages because their busy or because they got their phone taken away. Pointing out alternatives to your teen’s insistence that their friend is angry can help them see things from another view.

You might also help them reframe the situation by saying, “Your friend may need to cool down before they talk to you because they like you a lot and doesn’t want to say something mean out of anger.”

Validate your teen’s feelings by saying, “I know you are nervous that they haven’t called you back. I know when I feel nervous I always imagine the worst case scenarios but often, those things I imagine aren’t even true.”

You also might help your teen stay mentally strong by asking, “What would you say to a friend who had this problem?” Your teen is likely to speak to others in a kinder and more compassionate way than they talk to themselves.

The goal should be to help your teen develop healthy self-talk. Eventually, they’ll learn how to coach themselves as they begin to recognise there are many ways to view the same situation.

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The 3 things I always do when reframing
1) I don’t argue
Delivering reframes isn’t about ‘putting them right’. Direct advice giving seldom works because people need to feel: competent, persuaded not bamboozled – even with the best of intentions. It is much more effective to present reframes as innocent questions, observations, misunderstandings or even truisms.

Yes, I see a lot of clients for vomiting phobia, is an undeniable truism – but also subtly reframes the vomit phobic’s conviction that they are ‘the only one’ who feels like this.

2) I remember that reframes are more than just ‘cognitive’
You might be forgiven for thinking that a ‘cognitive reframe’ only works on the level of thinking. But it’s actually easier, by far, to change our feelings in order to change our thoughts than the other way round (as an aside, this is why I use hypnosis with my clients).

A reframe needs to be felt. It needs to have an emotional impact beyond its appeal to the ‘thinking mind’. This is because the new frame needs to be more emotionally compelling than the old one if it is to be accepted. We do need to calm our clients, of course, but we also need to know how to sometimes raise their emotional pitch in order to embed a new more productive way of seeing.

By discovering what’s important to my client, I find out what raises their ’emotional temperature’ and then utilise what motivates them to help them view things differently.

For example, a businessman and landlord who needed to stop cigarettes choking the life out of him was given the following analogy:

Imagine a tenant whom you had to pay to live in your house. Imagine that you paid them to be there while they soiled your furniture, wrecked your carpets, damaged the walls and roof… Would you call that a good deal for you?

After this reframe the man said he just couldn’t continue smoking. This reframe worked for him because of the nature of his own business, and as a businessman the importance to him of ‘good deals’. He could no longer think of smoking in any other terms than ‘a terrible deal’ for him.

3) I open the ‘attention gates’ before I deliver a reframe
I shouldn’t really be doing this, but I’m about to tell you something very few people have ever heard before…

Ok, that’s a bit over the top – but hopefully I’ve made my point and got your attention!

Because I need to ensure that my client is in the right state of mind to be receptive to a new, more therapeutic take on things.

I need to know not only how to construct a reframe but also how to open the client’s ‘attention gates’ so that they can become receptive enough to actually take in and absorb the reframes I offer them. No matter how elegant your reframe, if the client blocks it out, it will be useless.

I use various prepping techniques with my client so that reframes will take hold: surprise
shock
humour
curiosity
hypnosis and
practical demonstration and instruction.
All these different techniques would get people’s full attention, loosen them up and get them into the right frame of mind for his reframes to take root. I then deliver a carefully crafted and individually targeted ‘new perspective’ that would completely alter the troubling and limiting ideas that were causing them unnecessary difficulty in life.

Of course, there are many ways to deliver reframes but when you keep these three principles in mind clients  tend to leave my practise with powerful new ways of seeing which transform how they live.

I will talk more about reframing next week. Give it a go, let me know how you get on.

Have a great week.

Jon XX

 

Even more boosts for your self-confidence.

Hi.

How did you get on? Did any of my tips help you last week? I do hope so.  This week I’m going to continue to offer more tips and advice and let’s hope one or some of them help you in the future.

Speak slowly. Such a simple thing, but it can have a big difference in how others perceive you. A person in authority, with authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who feels that he isn’t worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to. Even if you don’t feel the confidence of someone who speaks slowly, try doing it a few times. It will make you feel more confident.

Stand tall. I have horrible posture, and I’m short, so it will sound hypocritical for me to give this advice, but I know it works because I try it often. When I remind myself to stand tall and straight, I feel better about myself. I imagine that a rope is pulling the top of my head toward the sky, and the rest of my body straightens accordingly. As an aside, people who stand tall and confident are more attractive. That’s a good thing any day, in my book.

Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.- Theodore Roosevelt

Set a small goal and achieve it. People often make the mistake of shooting for the moon, and then when they fail, they get discouraged. Instead, shoot for something much more achievable. Set a goal you know you can achieve, and then achieve it. You’ll feel good about that. Now set another small goal and achieve that. The more you achieve small goals, the better you’ll be at it, and the better you’ll feel. Soon you’ll be setting bigger (but still achievable) goals and achieving those too.

Change a small habit. Not a big one, like quitting smoking. Just a small one, like writing things down. Or waking up 10 minutes earlier. Or drinking a glass of water when you wake up. Something small that you know you can do. Do it for a month. When you’ve accomplished it, you’ll feel fantastic.

Focus on solutions. If you are a complainer, or focus on problems, change your focus now. Focusing on solutions instead of problems is one of the best things you can do for your confidence and your career. “I’m fat and lazy!” So how can you solve that? “But I can’t motivate myself!” So how can you solve that? “But I have no energy!” So what’s the solution?

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Smile. Another trite one. But it works. I feel instantly better when I smile, and it helps me to be kinder to others as well. A little tiny thing that can have a chain reaction. Not a bad investment of your time and energy.

Be grateful. I’m a firm believer in gratitude,  but I put it here because while being grateful for what you have in life, for what others have given you, is a very humbling activity … it can also be a very positive and rewarding activity that will improve your self-image.

Exercise. Gosh, I seem to put this one on almost every list. But if I left it off this list I would be doing you a disservice. Exercise has been one of my most empowering activities in the last couple years, and it has made me feel so much better about myself.
All you have to do is take a walk a few times a week, and you’ll see benefits.

One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.-  Arthur Ashe

Do something you’ve been procrastinating on. What’s on your to-do list that’s been sitting there? Do it first thing in the morning, and get it out of the way. You’ll feel great about yourself.

Work on small things. Trying to take on a huge project or task can be overwhelming and daunting and intimidating for anyone, even the best of us. Instead, learn to break off small chunks and work in bursts. Small little achievements make you feel good, and they add up to big achievements. Learn to work like this all the time, and soon you’ll be a self-confident maniac.

You are good enough

Clear your desk. This might seem like a small, simple thing (then again, for some of you it might not be so small). But it has always worked wonders for me. If my desk starts to get messy, and the world around me is in chaos, clearing off my desk is my way of getting a little piece of my life under control. It is the calm in the centre of the storm around me.

I hope some or just one of these tips helps you. Until next time. If you are ready to move on but need a little help, visit my website jonadkin.com or book a free consultation online at jadkinbahyp.youcanbook.me 

I started this blog 2 weeks ago with a quote and I will finish with one.

Somehow I can’t believe that there are any heights that can’t be scaled by a man or woman who knows the secrets of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to me, can be summarised in four C s. They are curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy, and the greatest of all is confidence. When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable. – Walt Disney

Jon XX

Facebook is down. PANIC!

Hi.

Today is Thursday 4th July. Happy independence day to my American family and friends. Who relies on social media now for business or just communicating with your friends and family etc? Yep most of us. So it was interesting yesterday. I noticed mid afternoon that no images were downloading. Posts were getting through but no images or videos. At first like a lot of people I thought it was my WiFi then I thought it maybe my phone, so I rebooted and reset all the settings but to no avail. So then I googled,  was facebook down and sure enough Mr Google informed me that Facebook, Instagram and What’s App were all experiencing difficulties at this time. Did I panic No!. Did I do a post informing everyone what they already knew. No! What I did do is I posted on all the social media that I use that due to technical issues I was unable to post adverts this evening however, if you would like to know more about me and the services I offer please visit my website at www.jonadkin.com.  and then I put down my phone. Yep I put down my phone and I picked up …….wait for it……… a book. Yes I actually picked up a book and started to read.

Now that you are over that shock (Yes I can read) How did you or your family react? I think it’s sad that our lives seem to revolve around social media these days. I’m fortunate to live near Cambridge A lovely picturesque town, but the amount of times I go there no and just see people walking along neck bent, head down looking at their phones. They are walking past some of the most impressive architecture in the UK. Who knows they may even have walked past their love of their life. On the river Cam you can go punting and some of the students will be your guide and tell you all about the beautiful buildings that you punt past. Many times have I stood on the bridge that the punts pass under, only to see complete families who have paid for this excursion not even looking up from thier phones. The poor student is doing his best to engage them but to no avail. Facebook, What’s App and snap chat are winning hands down. People there is a whole world out there. look up and enjoy it.

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Now I know that if you are a business owner you may rely on adverts on social media and nights like last night can be a major problem, but why? Social media is just one way of advertising. It is not the only way. I bet you paid £100s possibly £1000s on getting your website up and running. Did you promote it last night? It could have been a golden opportunity. All those people getting withdrawal symptoms from not seeing videos or images. It’s so easy to be come reliant on one media that you forget that you have all these other resources at your fingertips.

If I’m honest I actually enjoyed last night. Yes I picked up the phone occasionally to see if the problem was sorted, but in the main I read and I actually spoke to other people in my house. (They seem like nice people)

Here are suggestions for you that you could do instead of spending all your time on your mobile.

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Look Up: Put the phone down. You don’t really need to be on it. Instead of walking around staring down at your phone, look up and smile at someone. You’ll be surprised how many people will actually smile back.

Get some exercise: Find something active that you like to do. Play a pick-up game of football with your mates, take a jog on a local trail, go to a Zumba class, go on a walk around your area. Exercise is the best way to clear your mind and you’ll feel so much better about yourself after!

Have a conversation: No more “what’s up,” “nm,” “ttyl.” Imagine how much better you could get to know someone if you actually had a conversation with them in real life.

Invite friends over for a meal: Who doesn’t love food? You might not be the best cook, but anybody can heat up some frozen hamburgers and buy a carton of ice cream. And that girl you know who always posts food pics on Instagram… yeah invite her too. You might have a stomachache after, but it’ll all be worth it in the long run.

Find a hobby: Find something you love to do and go pursue it! Photography, crafting, collecting sports memorabilia, whatever it may be – go try it out!

Get lost in a book: You never know what you might learn. Maybe you’ll even discover you want to write a book yourself. Wanna get lost in a really good book? Check out Can I Change

Treat Yourself: You deserve to treat yourself. You probably treat yourself already, but go ahead and treat yourself again. Get that ice cream cone. Make it two scoops, actually three. Go to the shops and spend a little money on yourself. You finally put your phone away, so I would say you deserve it.

Do that one thing you’ve been meaning to do for ages: You know exactly what one thing you need to do. It’s the thing you keep putting off and there’s no better time to do it then now.

You got this. Don’t make your phone more important than the more important things in this life. Live a little more than you have been. Put the phone down. I promise you, you won’t regret it.

Until next time.

Jon XX

I am a hypnotherapist based in Haverhill, Suffolk and I cover Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. I’m here to help you to work through life’s challenges and get back your confidence and self belief.

Follow this link as a quick guide as to what I can do to help you.

Do you take time for you?

Hi I’m back. Did you miss me? What do you mean you didn’t even notice I wasn’t here. I took some me time. I traveled, I read, I laughed and I walked, boy did I walk. I had a great time, yes I did some work but that was all part of it. In the main I had a week of me time. Time to unwind, time to relax, time to think and time to please myself.  Taking me time is very important. It allows you to get your head together, it allows the body to unwind it allows you to catch up.

Now to have me time you don’t need to go abroad, you actually don’t even have to leave your home.

I bet you think that there is never enough time for doing the things you want to do? Want to get off the daily treadmill of never ending TO DO’s, jobs and family ‘stuff’ always cropping up?

ME TIME isn’t something to just be dreamed about. It’s not a pie in the sky idea only for the select few that don’t have any commitments.

It’s real.

And it’s possible!

I promise!

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WHY TIME FOR YOURSELF IS IMPORTANT

I always try and make time for me in every day now – sounds selfish?

I used to think that it was, but it really and truly isn’t – and it was actually a lovely colleague  who said something that stuck with me and changed how I thought about it….

He pointed out that if I am not functioning well and am happy, then the rest of the family and house suffers directly as a result. I simply don’t function as well, or feel as happy, when I am burnt out and trying to do all things for all people. We all owe it to ourselves to make some time for ourselves, as it genuinely can make all those around you happier as a result.

BUT I DON’T DESERVE “ME TIME” … DO I?

We all have crazy lives, with work, children, hobbies, household jobs etc…. taking over our time, and headspace most days, but without setting aside personal time you will burn out far too quickly, and then be of no use to anyone…

What’s the point of that!

From personal experience I know how dangerous it can be to not balance your time, It’s not a good place to be as I am sure you can appreciate. Trying to do everything and please everyone all the time can really take its toll. EVERYONE deserves a little time to themselves each day – it’s not whether you deserve it – it’s whether you can afford NOT to…

So – we’ve worked out that you need some time to yourself, and that you deserve it and shouldn’t feel in any way guilty for taking it, so what type of thing can you do?

Here are some great Me Time ideas for inspiration – and remember – it doesn’t matter how small that time is, make it count:-

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  • Go for a walk – get out of the house if there’s lots going on, and distance yourself for a few minutes – the exercise will also be great for you and you will feel rejuvenated
  • Take a bath – lock the door so you have no interruptions.
  • Read a book or your favourite magazine.
  • Take the afternoon off and go to the cinema.
  • Get up 20 minutes earlier or go to bed 20 minutes earlier and do something that is just about you! Reading, fitness, learning a new skill etc…
  • Book in me time into your diary as you would any other appointment – and don’t let yourself down by missing it. If you have children, why not give grandparents special time with them alone for a few hours one weekend, don’t wait for a special event that you specifically need them to babysit for, just do it!
  • Get a babysitter even if you’ve not got an evening out planned. You could go for a long walk, sit in a cafe, go to the cinema etc… – and just enjoy time to yourself.
  • Take some time to breathe, and perhaps meditate.
  • Go technology free. Turn off your phone, don’t have any notifications pinging at you – and enjoy being silent!
  • Record your favourite programme and make sure you spend time watching without interruptions.
  • Pamper yourself (both men and women can do this)
  • Why not look at your life plan (whether it’s a 5 year plan or a different time span) – see what you can start to really make headway towards by spending some quality time on it each week – this may be perfect for your me time (I personally like to DO things with me time, and feel more refreshed after doing such things – maybe you’re the same?…)
  • Go shopping for a new outfit – or just window shopping – spending time working out what suits you and what looks fantastic will do you the world of good!
  • If you work from home, think about having some me time during the day rather than waiting for the evening – it’s more likely to be done then, and you will feel refreshed afterwards – what about a trip to a coffee shop, lunch out, a run, a swim…
  • If you have the cash, what about a spa break? If you don’t have spare money why not create a spa at home.
  • Have a sleep! Honestly – sometimes it’s all I can do to keep my eyes open, and now and then I allow myself to take the nap I need. I feel SO good after even just 10 minutes – and get much more done as a result – so everyone’s a winner!
  • Look at a gym class that you would love to do and SIGN UP – work out with your partner any childcare and stick to the appointment as you would anything else. You will feel refreshed and get fit at the same time! (and there’s always the coffee shop and a magazine for half an hour afterwards!).
  • Do a project in your house that you’ve been wanting to do for ages. Painting some furniture, creating some artwork – whatever you love doing – just get it started!
  • Adult colouring is really taking off at the moment – and takes very little time. You can even carry it around with you!

Do It

In the words of Mr Nike. Just do it!

Whether that’s 5 minutes to do some colouring in (this is my promise!), or booking in a babysitter and filling your diary – It will be worth it!

Don’t wait until you have burned out to treat yourself to some time for you.

A happy person makes those around them happier – and if you create some time for yourself this will directly affect how happy you are.

So – use these Me Time ideas to decide on something that you will look forward to each day.

Have a great week

Jon X

www.jonadkin.com