If I asked if you were happy, what would you say? How would you answer? No one likes admitting they are not happy. People associate a lot of feelings and sensations with happiness. Excitement, thrill, joy, ecstasy, exhilaration, victory, inner peace, or satisfaction to name a few…
What words describe happiness for you?
What does it feel like in your body when you’re happy? Is it possible to be a happy person even when you don’t feel good? Maybe your back’s been bothering you, or you had an argument with someone? Do you have to have a sense of elation, excitement, or euphoria to be happy? Can you keep up these intense emotions non stop?
Can you separate the state of inner happiness from other sensations like sadness, frustration, or tiredness? I ask these questions, not to get right or wrong answers, but to get you thinking about what happiness means to you.
Happiness is a word we hear comonly, but unless we spend a little time contemplating what it means to us, we sort of bob along like a cork on the ocean. With awareness, though, we can make course corrections and have more control over our direction.
A happy person is someone who often experiences positive emotions, such as joy, interest, and pride. They experience negative emotions too, but less frequently. This isn’t to say happy people are free from negative or painful emotions. They still experience negative emotions, but they have a different relationship to them.
Think about these two key points:
Happier people spend more time in positive emotions and less time in negative emotions than unhappy people. Shift your balance toward happiness by managing your state. You’re in charge of your emotions. Your emotions aren’t in charge of you. As much as possible, spend time preparing how you’re going to react to what your day might bring you.
When negative emotions hit, how long are you going to let them stay?
Stuffing down negative emotions or refusing to accept their presence isn’t any more helpful than getting stuck in them, so how do you want to interact with them? Happier people don’t let their negative emotions define them. The human experience involves feeling a range of multiple emotions. But emotions come and go, and an emotional state isn’t the same as who we you are as a being.
You feel hurt, but you’re not a hurt person. You feel angry, but you’re not an angry person. You feel depressed, but you’re not a depressed person. At least not at your core. You may have adopted a label of a hurt, angry, or depressed person, but that’s not how you were created.
Those are labels you’ve been carrying around. You may have attached the labels so early, that you’re certain it’s “who you are”, but consider the possibility that you’re none of those things. This piece talks about peeling off those old labels: What You’re Telling Yourself About Your Life is Wrong. Peel off the Label and See it Differently
It’s ok to experience more than one state at a time. Don’t you feel both scared and excited before you get on a roller coaster? Can’t you feel both elated and exhausted after a major accomplishment? Happy people know, even if they’re feeling some sadness or anger or other emotion at the moment, they’re still an underlying happy person.
I can finally say I am a happy person. I’m a happy person because that’s who I am at the core of my being. Some days are more fun than others. Some days my body doesn’t feel its best. But those are ripples on the surface. At the deepest part lies happiness. I’m not depending on have feelings of euphoria. Happiness for me is peaceful sense of satisfaction and gratitude. Happiness is a skill. There’s a formula for it. That formula comes more easily to some than to others, but there’s no doubt that you can master the skills for happiness too.
Have You Trained Yourself to be Unhappy?
Your habits are determining if you have a happy and satisfying life or not. The great news is you choose and form your own outcome.
Here are some rules of happiness.
Rule 1 – Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself!
Self-pity is the very worst kind of emotion. It destroys
everything around itself, and leaves you feeling powerless.
Stop being the victim, stop feeling sorry for yourself – and be
Rule 2 – Be Grateful
The world is so fast-paced that we’re rarely grateful of its gifts.
Think of all the things you’re grateful for right now: family,
health, home, everything. Spend time being grateful each day
– and be happy.
Rule 3 – Say Yes More
We each say “No!” way too often. Try saying “Yes!” more to
all of life’s experiences. Don’t fight the river’s current. Say
“Yes!” more to emotions, situations, social invitations – and be
Rule 4 – Follow Your Bliss
In life, we often find ourselves half-way up a ladder we don’t
want to climb, rather than at the bottom of one we do. What
do you really want to be? Follow your own bliss – and be
Rule 5 – Learn to Let Go
Emotions often hold us back from true happiness and
freedom. Remember, you are not your emotions. Let go of
unwanted emotions by asking yourself “Can I let this go?” Do
it – and be happy.
Rule 6 – Do Random Acts of Kindness
Being kind is double-edged. It makes you feel happier, and
spreads that joy to someone else too. Do more Random Acts
of Kindness every day – smile, hold open a door, pay for a
coffee – and be happy.
Rule 7 – Happiness Is Only Ever Now
Most of us spend our time anywhere but in the present. We
obsess about the past, or plan for the future. Now is the only
time that really exists. Make the decision to be happy – now.
Rule 8 – Experience, Don’t Hoard!
Research shows that material purchases only boost your
happiness levels temporarily. Experiences bring more overall
joy. Enjoy safari holidays, learn a language, join a dancing
group – and be happy.
Rule 9 – Appreciate Both Sides of the Coin
How many times do we try to embrace happiness – and reject
sadness? They’re both sides of the same coin. You cannot have
one without the other. Sadness is critical. Don’t fight it – and
Rule 10 – Be More Social
Extensive research shows that the happiest and most
successful people are those with large social networks. How
many friends do you have? Be proactive, start making more –
and become happier.
Rule 11 – Love More!
The more you love, the happier you are. Try giving everyone
and everything around you a little more love. Friends, family,
nature, even enemies: open your heart, give them love – and
Rule 12 – Have a Dream
Dreams are the spark plugs of the spirit. They give each day
excitement and enable you to move forward. What are your
dreams? Think about it, write them down. Then do them –
and be happy.
Rule 13 – Intention Sets Direction
The outcome you expect is usually the one you receive. If you
don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.
So, set a great intention in everything you do – and be happy.
Rule 14 – Enjoy Simple Pleasures
Real happiness can be found in simple pleasures and rituals.
From a daily walk in nearby countryside to a glass of wine
after work. Indulge in these, setup your own little rituals – and
Rule 15 – Accept What Is
Many of us spend time resisting what is. We fight against our
own emotions, building up anger and resentment. Accept
what is right now. Change it if you can. But accept it first – and
Rule 16 – Exercise and Eat Well
You are as happy as your lifestyle! For optimum happiness,
try walking for 40 minutes a day. Take Omega 3 supplements,
and eat more fish, nuts, turkey, cottage cheese. Enjoy – and be
Rule 17 – Zoom Out and Don’t Sweat
We often get a fresh perspective on life after we lose a family
member, or survive an illness. Don’t wait for life to remind
you. Zoom out and remember your real priorities now – and
Rule 18 – Laugh, Dance, Smile!
Take time to laugh at the craziness of life! Splash out and enjoy
to the max. Surround yourself with happiness – wonderful
music, dance classes, evenings with friends. Smile – and be
That’s 18 rules of happiness. I want you to send me two more so that you have 20 rules. What works for you? I would love to hear.
Until next week.
Stay happy and smile more.
Take care and stay safe.
Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom