What’s stopping you?

So, the football is back, Shops are starting to open and more people are venturing out. How do you feel about that? I opened my doors at the start of this month, all with social distancing in place of course. However, something still doesn’t seem right. Like the football with no crowds there still seems to be something missing. My theory is that a lot of people are still scared. Scared to go out, scared to shop and scared to go to places where there may be people. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging those people at all, I don’t think any of us know what exactly is going on.

If you are one of those that are still scared, what is it that is actually scaring you? Is it what you are reading on social media or hearing on the news or is it your own thoughts? Are you a worrier or an overthinker and this lock down has set your mind racing? If it’s the latter, you are very much not alone.

Don’y overthink.

I receive calls every week at my hypnotherapy practice from people who are getting themselves so worked up because of what they have read or heard and then they overthink it and before long Armageddon has arrived. They are expecting to see Zombies to be walking past their windows. I know it sound a bit over the top but that is what’s happening. I’ve had clients that are too scared to open the door to a delivery driver, who is delivering something that they ordered, and they were expecting. However, as soon as that ring of the doorbell sounds or the knock on the door happens. The anxiety kicks in, and suddenly they feel as if they are in danger. Their mind starts convincing them that they may be in danger. The person may have the virus-Don’t open the door. They may not be wearing a mask and may cough on you – Don’t answer the door. The last person they delivered to may have been ill – Don’t answer the door. Do you see how your thoughts convince you and you run with it?

Now the subconscious mind is a fantastic thing and even though you may not think it, it always has your best interests at heart. By not opening the door, you will remain safe, so job done.  That is how the subconscious mind works. It has positive intentions but no logic. So sometimes its solution is not suitable for your own lifestyle.

So, what can you do about it? Actually lots. If you are a worrier or an overthinker, take a moment now and recall a list of say five things that you worried about or got yourself worked up because you over thought the situation. Got five? Ok now, how many of those five things actually happened in the way you thought about it? I bet one or none. Yet you worried, you affected the people around you, you may have even lost sleep over it. All for nothing.

You had no control over the situation, so what was the point of worrying. If you have no control, there is no point in worrying. All you are doing is adding to your own anxiety and stress and to those closest to you.

What’s the point in worrying.

Don’t let those thoughts control you, If a negative or worrying though starts to enter your head, don’t let it in. Don’t let that thought, that word, become a sentence, which becomes a paragraph which becomes a story. Your story. You don’t want those negative thoughts writing your next chapter, do you?

So, an easy fix is start talking to yourself as if you are your own best friend. If you don’t want that thought getting in, then tell yourself that you don’t want it, you don’t need it, so you won’t have it. If your best friend were worried about something silly, you would be the first to tell them to stop being silly and to get on with life.

It’s your thoughts that control your emotions your feelings. Make those thoughts positive and you will feel so much happier and so much more in control.

In my hypnotherapy practice I see so many people who have allowed their thoughts to control their behaviours and ultimately their lives.  Visit my testimonial page to see how are just a few sessions you can turn your life around.

Now some people want to change, they want to lose their ‘thing’ but they just can’t do it on their own. This is where hypnotherapists can help. We can’t change the past, we know that, but we can change how we allow it to affect us.

So start telling yourself what you do want and not what you don’t want. That’s the mistake that so many tend to make.

Anxiety Freedom System

This leads me nicely to a new Anxiety Freedom system which I’m launching next week. I wanted to help the people who have suffered through lockdown but either don’t want to attend a hypnotherapists office, or just don’t have the time, but they know they need help. So, I am offering a totally online system that the clients can do at their own home in their own time. It’s a very comprehensive solution but and here is the good bit, I’m offering it at a price affordable to most people. A single payment gets you the full system and remote access to me.

I will expand in my next blog what’s included but in the mean time visit my site ans see what you think.

Until next week

Jon X

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge. and online via Zoom

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon.

Find me on You TubeFacebook and Instagram.

Let’s come out of this better people.

Hi

Week 2 in isolation.  Hope you are all well and staying safe and healthy. So, what have I learnt this week. Well the hoarding madness seems to have calmed down. So now we start to behave like sensible human beings. Obviously following the guidelines, I haven’t been out other than to collect my tablets from Boots. It was eery going out about 1pm and the roads were quiet, the town was dead, there was just no sounds at all. However, the moods in the shops were brilliant. The staff were smiling, so accommodating and making the best of a very bad situation.

This is how it should be. We are all in this together and we will come out the other side, but whilst we are on this journey, let’s be kind to each other. Don’t post something on social media in anger. If you do it’s there for good. It causes hurt, it causes unnecessary upset and there is no need for it.

Another thing I have learnt Is that just how little we can do without. No more online shopping buying things I don’t really need. No more expensive coffees on the high street, no more just jumping in the car driving somewhere I didn’t really need to be. The list goes on, but that’s just me.  What have you gained from being isolated? And is there anything that you will do once this is all over?

Last night was an emotional night here in the UK. We were asked to stand at our doors or windows and clap for the staff of the NHS who are still working and doing a fantastic job. No one knew how this was going to be received. Well what a turn out. The news and social media were full of applause and cheers. Every house in my road was out clapping, you could hear the applause from the town echoing across the night sky. It was brilliant, it was emotional and most importantly it was supportive.

As a self employed hypnotherapist, I also wanted to do my bit for the NHS staff and carers so I am offering free online sessions to help ease the anxiety and panic. Even though my business will suffer big time, I still wanted to do my bit.

We are all in the same boat, I can’t worry about it as I have no control over it. So we have to make the best of a bad situation.  So what can we do to improve our lives whilst in isolation.

productive things to do at home (other than binge-watch sitcoms)

Join a YouTube tutorial

Whether you want to learn to sing, improve your photography skills or make a table from scrap timber, there’s a YouTube tutorial for that.

Dance because no one is watching

Learn your favourite movie dance moves

Privacy is gold for those of us suffering dance dyslexia, so now is the perfect time to shake your bootie and learn those steps that have been eluding you. Try learning  John Travolta circa 1977 with a few fundamental disco moves or, if Strictly Ballroom is more your speed, what better time to master the foxtrot, waltz, rumba or cha-cha. You can dance like no one is watching – because no one is.

Go green

Start a vegie patch or herb garden. Whether you have a big back garden or just a window box, you can go green. As well as being enjoyable, the government’s says gardening has many health benefits. It recommends growing edible plants, but that doesn’t mean just vegetables and fruits – flowers like carnations, honeysuckles and nasturtiums can add colour to your dinner plate too. Mix it up with home-grown herbs like rosemary, basil, chives, sage, mint, oregano, parsley and thyme. 

Fix up the garden

Being confined to the house doesn’t mean you have to stay inside. Health experts say you don’t need vitamin D supplements if you get enough sunlight – the natural source of this vitamin – by getting out in the garden. This is the ideal time to paint the fence, trim your hedges or do that paving you’ve been putting off for years.

Go on a virtual tour  

Visit the Edinburgh Zoo, or many of the museums and art galleries around the world.

While galleries and museums are closed to the public, you can still get your art and history fix online.

Listen to podcasts

Let your ears do the walking and delve into the world of podcasts. There’s everything from great brain teasers to humour, and so much more. Or create your own, But since you’re at home, why not create your own podcast using a USB microphone and free recording software such as GarageBand. 

Catch up on some reading

Didn’t get time to stock up on new books to read during the lock-in? The internet has you covered. From free e-books to free book delivery, there’s no excuse for not getting stuck into some serious page-turners. Search through hundreds of free titles on the web.

Learn a language  

Download a language app

Whether you want to order pasta in Italian or whisper sweet nothings to your lover in French, there are numerous online language courses, and many are free. 

Keep in touch

Call, text or tag a friend

You may be physically isolated, but there’s no need to lose touch with friends and family. You can even see as well as talk to them using Skype and Facetime or you can use messaging services like WhatsApp and social media to keep in touch. Take a video of your new home office and share it on social media. Socially isolate, together, you may like to connect with your neighbours with an adaptation of the Italian balcony singing phenomenon (check it out on YouTube). If you don’t have a balcony, you could use your front garden and call the neighbour across the road to come out and ‘join’ you from their own garden in a singalong or exercise class. 

Download a fitness app

Even if you don’t own a home gym or substantial equipment, there are many ways to improve your fitness at home. Simple strength exercises like squats, push-ups and lunges don’t need any equipment. If you don’t have weights, improvise and use two tins of canned food as weights. If you need guidance there are online resources and fitness apps, many are free.

Get moving

Don’t forget that just moving is exercising, so embrace vacuuming and gardening, and any other physical activity you can do in your home or in the garden. 

Remember we are all in this together, and we will come out the other side, but let’s come out the other side better people, better parents, better neighbours, better friends BETTER HUMAN BEINGS.

One thing before I go. Remember if you have kids around you, it’s about now that the novelty of being home starts to wear off So now is the time to reassure them. They are like sponges and will very soon pick up on your anxiety, panic and fear. Don’t let this happen.

Let the kids remember this time with fondness, Daddy playing Hide ‘N’ Seek, We made a family Den in the front room and ate our lunch in there, we camped out in the dining room and stayed there all night, we did a family puzzle, we had a water fight in the garden. So many things you can do which can make a world of difference for the kids.

Until next week, stay safe, stay healthy

Jon X

Hypnotherapy in Suffolk, Essex and Cambridge.

Jon Adkin Author of ‘Can I Change?’ Available from Amazon.

Find me on You TubeFacebook and Instagram.

Don’t let your thoughts ruin your Christmas.

Hi. Welcome back to my last post of 2019. What a year it’s been. Ups and downs and a few surprises thrown in. However with all that I survived mine and you survived yours if you are reading this. so well done. The good bits hold in your heart the bad bits let them go. if you made mistakes, learn from them. if they weren’t your problem then don’t worry about it and just move on.

For my last blog I want to conclude my posts on  self confidence.

I am a great believer in positive thinking and self belief and daily affirmations have helped me so much. Remember what we say to ourselves we believe, our mind believes so think positive and you will stay positive.

Here are some quotes and affirmations that I would like to share with you for Christmas.

Self-Confidence Quotes

One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.

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Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.

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Don’t let others put thoughts into your mind that takes away your self-confidence.
To excel at the highest level – or any level,

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you need to believe in yourself,

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Always be yourself and have faith in yourself.

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Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.

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Just believe in yourself. Even if you don’t, pretend that you do and, at some point, you will.

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Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.

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Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.

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As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.

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Confidence is when you believe in yourself and your abilities, arrogance is when you think you are better than others and act accordingly.

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The most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence .

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Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?

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To establish true self-esteem we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.

Daily Affirmations

I believe in me.

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I’m getting stronger every day.

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I can do this.

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I am who I want to be

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I know my worth

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I’ve decided I’m good enough.

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I have the strength to change my story.

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I deserve to be happy and loved.

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I accept myself unconditionally.

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I love myself, and I accept myself as I am.

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I am confident.

When you get up in the morning choose an affirmation and smile at yourself in the mirror and say it to yourself. It’s a simple and powerful way to start your day.

Merry Christmas and I sincerely wish you all the very best for 2020.

See you in January. Have a good one.

Jon XX

These last few posts have been taken from my book ‘Can I Change?‘ Available from Amazon .It makes an ideal stocking filler.

 

Confidence. A Christmas gift for you.

Hi

Welcome back. This week I want to share some tips that will help you gain some of that confidence that you may feel you need.

Habits That Make You Feel Positive and Confident

Make a decision. Don’t consult with a friend about what to order at  dinner or call your spouse when shopping for groceries. Make a decision based on what your gut is telling you. It will make you feel stronger and allows you to practice trusting your inner voice.

Try something new. Confidence doesn’t come from perfection, it comes from effort.

Gently exercise. Exercise is the most important non-medicine           treatment for anxiety, depression, and insomnia. Just moving your body will break up negative thoughts and boost serotonin. Move your body every day, just be mindful of your energy and never overdo it. A seven minute workout or yoga in your living room will all work.

Clean up your news feed. Social media that is full of triggers, images, and updates can push you into a bad mood. Start following inspirational or “happy” accounts. HealthyPlace on Facebook or my Guidance Girl page always inspires. The more positive images you view the better you will feel.

Think back. Think back over the past week and write down every nice thing others said to you. Review the complements or comments when you’re feeling insecure.

Make a happy playlist. Music can  physiologically changes your brain and body. It can make you breathe faster, increase your pulse, and make you smile. Songs with a quick tempo and uplifting lyrics have been shown to be more effective at bringing out happy emotions. One of my favourites is ‘Happy’ by Pharrell. What are a few on your playlist?

Say no. Don’t say yes when you want to say no. You’re letting yourself down if you do favours you don’t want to do. Next time someone asks for something that will make you feel funky, and you feel the urge to say “yes,” remind yourself they are asking, not ordering. You will respect yourself more later on.

Practice posture. Hunching over at your desk can make you less        confident and more insecure according to research from Ohio State   University. Pull your belly button in towards your spine and pull your shoulders back when sitting or standing.

Give yourself credit for small, daily accomplishments, even if you are not done. Did you work on cleaning up your closet but still have stacks of clothes to fold? Great, take a moment to focus on what you have done, don’t just wait until a project is finished.

Get grateful. Write a thank-you note, or call someone to say thanks for meeting with you for lunch last week. People who are mindful of the positives in their life, create more positive energy. Comment on a post you like, email a friend, or even write down what you are grateful for in the moment (try and think of 5 new ones each time).

Remember, small shifts can produce remarkable results. The intention of building more positive thoughts and experiences will undoubtedly increase your self-confidence and self-esteem. One of my favourite  affirmations that may help is:

 

“I am perfectly imperfect.

I strive for better while loving all that I am today.

In loving myself today, I am better equipped to

improve myself tomorrow.”

Change2

Can I do it?

Self-Efficacy “You Can Do It – You’ve Got What It Takes, or Can Get What It Takes!”

Self-efficacy is where we believe that it is possible for us to acquire the knowledge and skills that will enable us to achieve goals and success. It enables us to accept difficult challenges, and persist in the face of        setbacks and adversity. The opposite of self-efficacy is feelings like, you are not bright enough, or you are not educated enough, you didn’t go to the right school or university, or you are lacking anything, that you use as an excuse to justify your belief, that you can’t do it, you’ve not got what it takes, and you can’t get what it takes.

Self-Esteem “You Matter as Much as Anyone Else, You Deserve it, and You Can Cope with Anything!”

Self-esteem, is the belief that we matter, that we are important, in fact as important as anyone else, and that in general terms, we can cope with pretty much whatever life throws at us, and that we have a right to be happy and successful. Our self-esteem is helped, if others around us, approve of us and what we do; but it also helped, if we feel we are     behaving virtuously, and also that we are competent and skilled at what we do, and that we have the ability to accomplish things we want to, when we put our minds to it.

Positive Self-Image “You are Good Enough in All Respects Just as You Are!”

Dr Maxwell Maltz, wrote a book called Psycho-Cybernetics, which has helped millions of people. Dr Maltz was a plastic surgeon, who regularly positively impacted people’s physical appearance with his plastic        surgery. He observed the difference between people who had a positive perception of their physical changes, and how that positive perception could massively improve their success and happiness in life, and those who had a negative or unchanging perception of their appearance. In the case of the latter, nothing changed in their life. Our self-image, can have a massive impact on our self-confidence, and on the outcomes we achieve in our careers and lives.

14 Ways To Shed Negativity And Achieve Happiness

How many of us feel complete self-love and self-compassion? How many of us take care of our own needs and rely on the way we look at         ourselves instead of seeing who we are through the eyes of our partners or our tribe? How many of us live from our core beliefs instead of living through what everyone is expecting of us?

Learning self-love and overcoming the barriers you’ve built against   yourself are the greatest secrets to living happily. Self-love can bring you closer to inner truth and allow you to attract and create the happiness you deserve in your relationship, career, and life. Self-love will bring peace, love, fulfilment, satisfaction, significance, groundedness,         freedom, maturity, wisdom, and magic into your life.

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Here are 14 self-love steps that you can begin today to attract the love and happiness you want in your life:

 

  1. Get to know who you are.

Imagine yourself walking down the street with each one of your values. How do you feel? What do you notice? How are you expressing yourself? This will help you identify yourself through your own eyes instead of through the eyes of others.

  1. Be true to yourself. 

You can only speak your truth and express who you are when you are 100% honest with yourself first. Sometimes we discover things we don’t necessarily like about ourselves, but you can spend your life complaining about your weaknesses, or you can choose to shift your attention to your strengths.

  1. Take care of your needs.

We often do what others need so we can feel good about ourselves through the way they react to our action. This causes us to live our lives through the eyes of others and not from our core. Instead, take a look at what your needs are. What is the ONE thing you can do today that would make you feel more loved? For example, you can cook for      yourself, take a hot bubble bath, meditate, clean your room, or go wild listening to your favourite band.

  1. Learn to breathe.

We have a tendency to pressure ourselves into doing things quickly. Step back a little bit and watch yourself in action. What is the worst thing that could happen if you don’t get your tasks done immediately? Would you rather stay overwhelmed or would you rather enjoy your journey as you are completing your tasks?

  1. Be patient with yourself.

Have self-compassion. Your role models probably worked their butt off to get to where they are now, so be patient, take your journey step-by-step, and enjoy how life is unfolding for you. You miss out on so much in life when you beat yourself up. Patience is key to discovering the beauty of the mystery that every moment brings to you.

  1. Listen to your inner child.

The inner child is a very powerful voice that resides deep in our being. It is the voice of the needs that have not been met ever since we were kids. It talks to us about fear, hurt, and the safety that it is longing for and the love that it hungers for. So when you are in a challenging situation, step back for a moment and ask your inner child, “What is really hurting me right now? What do I really want?”

  1. Count your blessings.

We all have SO many blessings in our lives that we tend to take them for granted. Count every single thing you have in your life and be thankful for it. It could be as simple as being grateful for drinking water whenever you want. Practicing gratitude helps us find more meaning and appreciation in our everyday life.

  1. Accept your feelings.

Pain is part of life, and accepting what you feel right now is the first step towards your happiness. You may be angry and in so much pain, you might be regretting what you have done in the past. Allowing yourself to feel helps you identify the root cause of your disappointment and the moment you understand this feeling, you shift towards discovering what you want in life and how to get it.

  1. Do one act of kindness everyday.

Say something nice to a colleague or family member and show appreciation to people around you. This is a great way to start acknowledging the goodness in yourself and reflecting it in others.

  1. Build your support system.

You don’t have to hang out with people who don’t make you feel good about yourself. You have a choice, so find people who think like you, who are positive, who show support, who are grateful, and who reflect the quality that you want to have in your life.

  1. Work with your fears.

We all have fears that have been engraved within us ever since our childhood. Understanding your fears and allowing them to surface will help you work through them. When you repress and reject your fears because of unrealistic expectations of being perfect that society imposes on us, you will be granting more power and control to your fears.

  1. Recognize the love that is within you.

You are made of of love, you are love, and love rules Earth. No matter how much you try to beat yourself up or indirectly hurt others, know that in your heart you are seeking love in every moment you live. The only guarantee you have in life is that you can give love without expecting anything in return. Be the love that you want to experience in your life and in your relationship.

  1. Forgive and let go of the past.

Beating yourself up and blaming your unhappiness on the past will trigger more suffering in your life. You know you have a purpose in your life, so you have a choice: let the past haunt you and inflict more suffering in your life, or forgive yourself.

  1. Smile.

Smiling is healing for the heart, the mind and the body. Certain experiences can bring a smile to our face, and sometimes a smile can truly shift a negative emotion to a positive one. It is a simple way to heal yourself and bring a smile to other people’s faces.

You can stop and overcome the barriers that are preventing you from getting what you want. You are strong and you are love in your own   nature, so how are you going to use these strengths to create the happy life and loving relationship you want?

Next week I will share some Affirmations and some powerful quotes that have certainly helped me over the years.

Have a great week

Jon X

Want to read more or keep tips like this to hand. Buy my book ‘Can I change‘ From Amazon.

Self confidence. You can have it.

Hi Welcome to December. I should have done this week but time just got away from me. This week I want to blog about self confidence.

SELF CONFIDENCE /ˌsɛlfˈkɒnfɪd(ə)ns
a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgement.
“I feel terribly tired and completely lacking in self-confidence”
synonyms:
morale, confidence, self-assurance, belief in oneself, positiveness, assertiveness, assurance, self-reliance, selfpossession, composure, nerve, poise, presence, aplomb”she took care to build up his self-confidence by involving him in the planning”antonyms:
diffidence, unsureness
Self-confidence is a term that appears in many contexts, from improving mental health to helping people meet business goals and more. Self-confidence is more than a buzz word; it’s a genuine concept linked to mental health, wellbeing, and a positive way of being in the world. Self-confidence includes both feeling and doing.
Self-confidence is not so much a single idea as it is a process that involves how someone thinks about himself and others as well as how he functions despite challenges and uncertainties. Self-confidence applies to someone’s inner, private world and to his outer world around him or her.
The above definition explains what self-confidence is. These examples illustrate what self-confidence can look like. Self-confidence means:
Valuing yourself for who you are regardless of the blunders you make, the type of work you do or don’t do, etc.
Feeling good about yourself; feeling worthy despite imperfections
Being courageous enough to stand up for yourself and be assertive
Knowing that you’re worthy of others’ respect and friendship
Knowing and accepting the whole of you, both your strengths and weaknesses

The Meaning of Self-Confidence: A Quality-Of-Life Issue
How important is it for someone to develop self-confidence? The central issue relates to quality of life. Self-confidence influences the life someone creates for herself.
A lack of self-confidence negatively impacts someone’s quality of life. Having little self-confidence creates feelings of
Self-doubt
Unworthiness
Inferiority to others
Apathy
Loss of enjoyment
Anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges
In contrast, self-confidence creates
An awareness of strengths, limitations, and how to live your life with both
An acceptance of one’s faults; the realization that perfectionism is neither possible nor desirable
A feeling of being complete
A sense of inner peace
An experience of balance between one’s strengths and weaknesses
The ability to create and experience happiness
Self-confidence is experiencing genuinely positive feelings about yourself while accepting your faults and foibles. A definition of self-confidence is acting assertively because you believe in your inherent worth. Self-confidence means that even when you don’t like things about yourself, you love your whole self.

How confident do you seem to others?

Affirmations
Your level of self-confidence can show in many ways: your behaviour, your body language, how you speak, what you say, and so on. Look at the following comparisons of common confident behaviour with behaviour associated with low self-confidence. Which thoughts or actions do you recognize in yourself and people around you?
Doing what you believe to be right, even if others mock or criticize you for it.
Or
Governing your behaviour based on what other people think.
Being willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things.
Or
Staying in your comfort zone, fearing failure, and so avoid taking risks.
Admitting your mistakes, and learning from them.
Or
Working hard to cover up mistakes and hoping that you can fix the problem before anyone notices.
Accepting compliments graciously. “Thanks, I really worked hard on that prospectus. I’m pleased you recognize my efforts.”
Or
Dismissing compliments offhandedly. “Oh that prospectus was nothing really, anyone could have done it.”

As you can see from those examples, low self-confidence can be self-destructive, and it often manifests itself as negativity. Confident people are generally more positive – they believe in themselves and their abilities, and they also believe in living life to the full.

What Is Self-Confidence?

Two main things contribute to self-confidence: self-efficacy and self-esteem.
We gain a sense of self-efficacy when we see ourselves (and others similar to ourselves) mastering skills and achieving goals that matter in those skill areas. This is the confidence that, if we learn and work hard in a particular area, we’ll succeed; and it’s this type of confidence that leads people to accept difficult challenges, and persist in the face of setbacks.
This overlaps with the idea of self-esteem , which is a more general sense that we can cope with what’s going on in our lives, and that we have a right to be happy. Partly, this comes from a feeling that the people around us approve of us, which we may or may not be able to control. However, it also comes from the sense that we are behaving virtuously, that we’re competent at what we do, and that we can compete successfully when we put our minds to it.
Some people believe that self-confidence can be built with affirmations and positive thinking. I believe that there’s some truth in this, but that it’s just as important to build self-confidence by setting and achieving goals – thereby building competence. Without this underlying competence, you don’t have self-confidence: you have shallow over-confidence, with all of the issues, upset and failure that this brings.

Building Self-Confidence

So how do you build this sense of balanced self-confidence, founded on a firm appreciation of reality?
The bad news is that there’s no quick fix, or five-minute solution.
The good news is that becoming more confident is readily achievable, just as long as you have the focus and determination to carry things through. And what’s even better is that the things you’ll do to build your self-confidence will also build success – after all, your confidence will come from real, solid achievement. No-one can take this away from you!
So here are my eight steps to self-confidence,

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand brake on.” — Maxwell Maltz

1. Visualize yourself as you want to be.
“What the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.” — Napoleon Hill
Visualization is the technique of seeing an image of yourself that you are proud of, in your own mind. When we struggle with low self-confidence, we have a poor perception of ourselves that is often inaccurate. Practice visualizing a fantastic version of yourself, achieving your goals.

2. Affirm yourself.
“Affirmations are a powerful tool to deliberately install desired beliefs about yourself.” – Nikki Carnevale
We tend to behave in accordance with our own self-image. The trick to making lasting change is to change how you view yourself.
Affirmations are positive and uplifting statements that we say to ourselves. These are normally more effective if said out loud so that you can hear yourself say it. We tend to believe whatever we tell ourselves constantly. For example, if you hate your own physical appearance, practice saying something that you appreciate or like about yourself when you next look in the mirror.

talkingtoself

To get your brain to accept your positive statements more quickly, phrase your affirmations as questions like, “Why am I so good in making deals?” instead of “I am so good at making deals.” Our brains are biologically wired to seek answers to questions, without analysing whether the question is valid or not.

3. Do one thing that scares you every day.
“If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.” — T. Harv Eker
The best way to overcome fear is to face it head-on. By doing something that scares you every day and gaining confidence from every experience, you will see your self-confidence soar. So, get out of your comfort zone and face your fears!

4. Question your inner critic.
“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” — Louise L. Hay
Some of the harshest comments that we get come from ourselves, via the “voice of the inner critic.” If you struggle with low self-confidence, there is a possibility that your inner critic has become overactive and inaccurate. Strategies like cognitive behavioural therapy help you to question your inner critic, and look for evidence to support or deny the things that your inner critic is saying to you. For example, if you think that you are a failure, ask yourself, “What evidence is there to support the thought that I am a failure?” and “What evidence is there that doesn’t support the thought that I am a failure?”
Find opportunities to congratulate, compliment and reward yourself, even for the smallest successes.

As Mark Twain said, “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

5. Help someone else.
Helping someone else often enables us to forget about ourselves and to feel grateful for what we have. It also feels good when you are able to make a difference for someone else.
Instead of focusing on your own weaknesses, volunteer to mentor, practically assist or teach another, and you’ll see your self-confidence grow automatically in the process.

6. Care for yourself.
“Self-care is never a selfish act — it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.” — Parker Palmer
Self-confidence depends on a combination of good physical health, emotional health and social health. It is hard to feel good about yourself if you hate your physique or constantly have low energy. Make time to cultivate great exercise, eating and sleep habits. In addition, dress the way you want to feel. You have heard the saying that “clothes make the woman.” Build your self-confidence by making the effort to look after your own needs

7. Create personal boundaries.
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”– Harvey Fierstein
Learn to say no. Teach others to respect your personal space. The more control and say that you have over your own life, the greater will be your self-confidence.
8. Shift to an equality mentality.
“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” — Marilyn Monroe
People with low self-confidence see others as better or more deserving than themselves. Instead of carrying this perception, see yourself as being equal to everyone. They are no better or more deserving than you. Make a mental shift to an equality mentality and you will automatically see an improvement in your self-confidence.

I hope you enjoyed this blog on Self confidence.

Next week I will be offering some tips to help you with self confidence.

This blog is using extracts from my book ‘Can I Change?’ available from Amazon in Paperback or Kindle. It makes a nice stocking filler.

Until next week. Be safe and be happy

Jon X

 

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